rebound sisuation

[sexy_kuta]

i did many searches and i found some but i didnt find everything

it just occured to me today.. it hit me right in the head and i said to myself "wtf am i doing!"

im not sure if this is a rebound or if it is..

i been seeing this girl for the past month... she came out of a year and half relationship with a bf who treated her like shiit..

i kept things light and did lots of kino.. i know for a fact shes into me and has hight interest.

the thing is.. i dont want her to rebound me

she told me she still cares for her ex but doesnt wanna go back..

i dont know how often she talks to him either

she gives me mixed singals such as ... "yea i dont wanna do any more dating for a while" right after she refers to her ex... and this was the day after our date where we were holding hands, doing lots of kino

my only conculsion is shes scared to commit that she might go through the same process with her ex... (he cheated on her)

so far i make all the moves and i kept things light.. we supose to chill this sat but i wanna call it off since im not in the mood anymore..

i know many people have been through this situation and i wanna aviod it at most costs...

shes doesnt use me as a emotion tapon.. she can handle her own ****.. i onl been there twice at MOST in the past month to resure her..

we keep things light when we date.. and we hardly talk about problems.. so i hope thats a good sign..

i dont think shes on the rebound but she still has her ex on her mind because she gives me mixed singals

 

[Rebound Material]

BOY, YOU ARE A REBOUND...I was in the same situation a yr ago and everything is just fcuked up between me and that chick...Her BF even confronted me at one point asking "why u always calling my girl?!"....fcukin btich cant even admit to her boy that she was using me as godamn rebound...Do yourself a favor and dont fall for such a breezy...

 

[blinkwatt]

BOY, YOU ARE A REBOUND...I was in the same situation a yr ago and everything is just fcuked up between me and that chick...Her BF even confronted me at one point asking "why u always calling my girl?!"

Just curiuos as to what your response was to that.

 

[Rebound Material]

Just curiuos as to what your response was to that.

Well, this was over the phone. I Originally called that fcukin breezy cuz i wanted to patch things up between me and her(long story) and to see if she wanted to go clubbing in TJ(Tijuana) for the labor day weekend. She didnt pick up so i left a voice msg. 5 minutes later, she calls back but when I answered it wasnt her but her BF. I told him who i was and he automatically flipped out. He kept accusing me of calling her(3 times in 2 weeks where didnt answer once, remember, I was AFC at the time). I told him that i didnt call her all the time but his dumb insecure ass just wouldnt buy it. I told him that it was just a friendly invite to go party with a few of my friends and thats when he interupted me and told me "Hey *****, you better watch your back cuz when I go down to San Diego Im gonna FCUK YOU UP!!" I told him "DON'T BE TELLING ME TO WATCH MY ASS YOU ****!!" and then he hung up. My friends in the car were like "dood, what was that about?!"....I went clubbing pissed in TJ...NOT GOOD...my night was basically ruined. I was dancing pissed...it was pretty ridiculous. I decided to finally burn my bridges between me and that breezy. I deleted her off the cell, mypace and made a new AIM sn just in case she were to get smart and use another sn if I were to block her. Havent made contact with her since. She leaves hints in her AIM profile that she wants to fix things between me and her "Forgive. Forget. Move On.". I say **** that....so yea, I then decided to give myself the title Rebound Material even in person cuz hell, **** relationships!

sorry for stealing the spotlight!:wave:

 

[Pink]

Tell her she's not over her ex, you'll give her the space and time she needs.

Chances are she's got baggage. *ding ding ding* red flag to stay away from this chic. If you listen to her talk about her ex... you've become her lil' AFC

 

[sexy_kuta]

ic.. well shes a keeper i tell you that..

so give her space Ie: let he call me and let her contact me..

and tell that i should give her space until shes ok to handle because she gives me mixed singals..

she doesnt talk about her ex alot.. only when he calls and she hates when he calls..

never talks about how she misses him.. only how bad she hates him
isnt there a difference? such has missing the guy and just careing for the guy? she came out of a year and half relationship so it seems logical to me

 

[tryin 2 play]

Yo man, hate to say it, but she probably is NOT worth it. I was in the exact same situation not too long ago. The girls ex abused her physically and verbally, it was a mess, but she still wasn'y over him. She was saying the same exact things your girl is saying. Anyway, eventually it was too much drama so i left her. She then called me to tell me she got back with her ex because she didnt want to be alone!!!

Not too long after, he called me accusing me of calling her, which I never did. He was saying he was gonna whoop my a$$. He eventually apologized when he found out through people I was a muay thai fighter.

I guess my point is that usually girls right out of a relationship, especially a bad one like that, are often times damaged goods. NOt always, but deintely tread carefully, as there are many red flags popping up. Defintely don't get hooked on this on girl.

Good luck brotha.

 

[sexy_kuta]

i texted her saying "PHONE ME AFTER UR DONE WORK WE NEED TO TALK ASAP"
Phoned me not even a min later
the phone call went like this
someone told me she was chillin with her ex on the weekend behind my back
so i wanted to know if it was true

"listen you know im al about respect and i dont take shiit right, i cant stand lie"

"yeaaa i know that"

"ok so what did u do last weekend"

"nothing why"

"someone told me u chilled with ur ex"

"noo wtf who told u that.. as if imma chill with that fuker he put me through so much ****"

"so when was the last time u talked him"

"i dunno a few days ago... the last time i told u"

" when was that"

"i dont know"

"your stressin me right now and i dont like it

"why!>!>"

"becuase i dont wanna be in the postion of a rebound guy"

"omg im not rebounding you ur not no ****ing rebound guy.. i dont even want a relationship right away"

"you told me u hate ur ex then why do u even talk to him once a while"

"i dunno i dont talk to him much.. u want me to stop talkin to him?"

"yea i want you to completely cut him off like wtf, u tell me he puts u through shiit so why u even talkin to him"

"i dunno "

" i'll talk to u about this later..."

"im sorry, i'll phone you when im home"

she phoned again but i didnt pick up..

well the only tihng i can think of is that

-I was always making the moves.. calling the dates.. etc..
- we took it real slow past month..

- she never bought up her ex infront me.. only a few times only to tell me that he called and she told him to **** off"

but i understand now... she needs time to relize what she want.. i cant control that..

i will give Her time.. We dont need time .. only she does.. i will tell her that too

i understand fully and the concept...

im not gonna get emtionally involved but she needs to relize that im not gonna be there and be her gay friend everytime her ex puts her down.. and im also not gonna go out with her WHILe she has some other guy on her mind..

imma make those two points clear to her and let her pick in the time frame i will give her

thanks everybody

 

[tryin 2 play]

Yea thats the right attitude. Those were the exact same words my ex said. MAYBE if we gave it more time tings could have worked, but i dont know. The girl I was with was REALLY messed up though, I doubt your girl is that bad. But yea do as you said man, see what happens.

 

[sexy_kuta]

aight i talked to her just now

she told me she never hung out with her ex since they broke up (over a month ago) and she havnt talked to him since last week...

she hasnt lied to me once yet im not gonna deny that..

she never really phoned me up just to talk to me about her ex... in fact she never did only once and he was giving her a hard time.. (prank callin)
so i guess shes not that bad but still has problems and im aware of that
but she still got feelings for him so i told her i wanna take things slow and i dont wanna be there everytime u get caught up thinkin about ur ex.. she agreed and wants to take it slow too

so how would go about dating or chilling.. we supose to chill at the mall this sat.. do i stop hanging out with her or chill with her but not too often and just keep it light as possible? with some kino involved? i wanted to save the kiss for 3rd date which is this sat but i dont think i wanna get too involved with her and leave the kiss for another time

 

[tryin 2 play]

Well defintely do not chill with her too much. Make sure you have your life outside of her, and that she is just a small part that fits into YOUR life. Do not treat her like she is your girl (chillen with her all the time, talking every night on the phone, etc...). Just take things REAL slow with this girl. But she don't want a relationship so it should be alright anyway.
However, do not wait too long to kiss her. Its the third date, so a kiss would be good. Too much longer it may start to get weird you know? Don't focus on the kiss. If the opportunity presents itself, then TAKE it, but don't try to force it ok.
Honestly, the best advice I can tell you is don't let your heart get involved with her, at least for a few months. Stay busy with the rest of your life, and if you feel like it keep looking for other girls to date also. You may find one you like better, without the baggage. Take it slow and you'll be cool.

 

[yeadude]

I've Been there

I would say you have two options.

1. You dont focus on her too much, and just do what tryin 2 play sez on previous post. Only if you want to get more involved with her.

or if not

2.Hang out, isolate (rent a dvd or something and watch it with her), and make a move. Her emmotions is on a rollercoaster right now. If she "likes" you now that doesnt mean she'll "like" you in a couple of months from now. So make a move and have fun with it. If you don't she will find another one to play around with.

just my 2 cents

 

[Pink]

Sexy Kuta... you don't have to do this.

If she wants to talk to her ex, let her.. she didn't even say she is going to. You just come out as a jealous guy if you don't let her. Show her it doesn't bother you. That you're confident with yourself. Why can't she talk to him? Are you afraid they'll be together again? Doubtful.

I understand coming out from a LTR. She needs time and space when and if she needs it. There's two ways to do this:

Extreme DJ: Call me when you're ready to move on.
Realistic DJ: You're not ready to commit to me, I respect that. We can still hang out, but I will be dating others. When you're ready we can talk about dating exclusively.

 

[sexy_kuta]

thanks everyone yea i think i be taking it real slow with her.. we only chilled twice past the month and two weeks

so its not like i see her all th time and im not too invloved with her so im not worried.. shes interested in me more u know.. she got the higher interest..

we talked about it and she wants to take it slower too so im keeping my options open.

the thing is she hates her ex.. cuz he put her though **** so i told her if u wanna get hurt and get played again then keep phonin ur ex or if u wanna be with a person who U'll have fun with and knows he he will respect you who for u are then im right here otherwise i cant be your friend whos there everytime ur ex puts you down.. i told her straight up

 

[KontrollerX]

"I guess my point is that usually girls right out of a relationship, especially a bad one like that, are often times damaged goods. NOt always, but deintely tread carefully, as there are many red flags popping up. Defintely don't get hooked on this on girl."

Truth.

The reasons some chicks go for abusers like that is because either they've fallen in love with the abuser's harsh treatment during the relationship for the small imagined acts of kindness he has shown them here and there and they become addicted to waiting out all of the violence in hopes they'll see more small acts of kindness and this is called Stockholm Syndrome officially or like the poster Wyldfyre once said some women have an inherrent sick need to be abused by some guy because they feel worthless inside and deserving of the abuse for some reason.

Basically these types of women until they address their issues of wanting to be abused will usually always end up screwing the new good guy over they dumped their ex for by going back to their ex.

Also its not always those hurting women's issues that causes them to seek out nice guys like you kuta but sometimes guys with their own issues seek out chaotic women because something some darkness in their own soul feels soothed with chaos rather than stability.

An AW and now this type of woman Kuta?

Maybe you are a seeker of chaos like I speculated just now or perhaps you've simply had bad luck and ran across the AW and now this chick by mere random chance but I guess in this case just like the AW's all I can tell you is that if you proceed, proceed with caution.

I've read about as many stories of abused chick's hurting a good guy and leaving them for her abusive ex as I've heard AW stories of them betraying guys and both story types sadden me as I know if the man were only informed he could of either minimized the hurt or avoided such a relationship altogether.

 

[tryin 2 play]

^^^^^^wow that is exactly what happened to me, Kontroller X. My ex f#cked me over for her abusive ex. She basically craved his attention and niceness afer he would hit her or talk her down to nothing. I didnt know the name for it. So this is a real mental disorder? From talking to her, it sounded like she had a real mental disorder, she was real messed up!!

 

[KontrollerX]

Yes its a real mental disorder dude. So sad...

Look it up on Wikipedia.

Again its called Stockholm Syndrome.

These chicks unfortunately equate true love with a black eye.

 

[sexy_kuta]

haha i got bad luck eh

well the thing is same thing happend to my brother... extact thing but it was worse... her ex used to beat the fuk out of her.. not hit her .. i mean BEat the FUK out of her.. and she did go back... 5 year relatinship..

it took my brother 6 months to get her... (he gave her space and did the right thing.. told her he doesnt wanna be her gay friend)

like she went bavk to her ex and he got mad and just gave her all the space.. then she felt bad and came back.. now the have been going out for 3 years

so i know i dont have it bad and plus this girl has ALot of self confidence so i know she will pull through.. she odenst have a bad case of this

hahah kontrollerx u gotta help bring my luck up..

i encoutered with two aw in the past... and im dealing with one right now! in my class haha but i dont play any attention to her..

this one aint that bad

 

[sexy_kuta]

bump...

new shiit just occure and im a little "stumped"

things was going good.. in the right directions.. made out lots.. kept things good..

she stopped giving me mixed singals for like 2 weeks straight .. im amazed.. then she started giving me mixed singals again
i knew something was up.. so i told her basicly.. that im not about to hit it with some girl whos not ready so i told her to call me when shes ready.. shes like cool

so she calls me the next day wtf, she said"what we cant talk" i didnt wanted to sound like a jackass so i just talked ot her for 10 min..

she asked to chill too so i guess she was afraid of losing me.. so i was gonna chill with her but something came up so we didnt chill..

she told me that she still has feelings for her ex still and they just recently started talking again, their friends now but nothing more.. Red flag?

she told me she doesnt wanna go back to him cuz it was all fights when she was with him

i found out tho she has issues.. like

she doesnt trust no one right now, she told me

she doesnt want any relationship right now

i understand cuz she got cheated on more than 4 times.. so that **** gotta hurt

u think i played it right? told her to call me when shes ready
i cut her off msn..even tho we never talked on there.. i took her number off speed dial cuz i wont be callin her..

what if she calls me this week.. pick up?

i was thinking if i should stay just in touch with her.. just enough so she knows im there. so when shes ready for a bf she has me first?

cuz im thinking what are the chances if i cut her off compelety and she will phone me up 2 months later... i seen it happen before but i dunno if its gonna work like this


I wanna make this happen.. just to let you guys know so u know what im looking for..

thanks

 

[T Money]

hells yeah you're a rebound. damn dude i just went through the same sh!t. Let me tell you, don't get attatched to this chick because it hurts when they rip your heart out, then you find out a week later she banging some other dude. b!tches...