rebound relationship

[greatsnake]

How's it going you guys? Been a while since I've checked in as everything has been great when it comes to women these past few years.

However, I met this chick: smart, hard worker and has the looks. I asked her out for drinks and we ended up at the beach that same night. Every was cool until things started moving rather quick: she started saying she loved me, was looking forward to moving in together amongst other things. The other thing was that she Brought up the ex a couple of times. Thirdly, she told saw me as her boyfriend even though "I didn't know it", even though I hadn't formally asked her. However, I decided to ignore the red flags and asked her out. I've come to the conclusion that this is in fact a rebound relationship and that I want to break things with her even though she has the qualities that I'm looking for except the timing isn't right.

How do you guys think I should tell her that she's not over her ex and that I deserve being in this place? Opinions welcome as I've never experienced this.

THanks!

 

[greatsnake]

Went through this exact thing a few months ago. This exact thing.

How long have you known her?

2 months or so. I usually do a good job of maintaining frame but she caught me by surprise.

 

[greatsnake]

2 months only = ghost her

If you try to do the 'right thing' and tell her you're breaking things off, you better have rock solid frame. Otherwise, she'll pouty face and all this other sh!t to manipulate you into staying with her.

Ghost. This. B!tch.

Can't do that out of principle if I asked her to be my girlfriend. LOL I'll just tell her straight out

 

[greatsnake]

A rebound relationship will end soon anyway. What is it exactly you don't like?

great question. I know these kinds of relationships don't last, that's why I'd like to exit before I waste more time. The relationship seems rushed (declaring love for me rather quick), her bringing up the ex a couple of times and staying in touch with him (I get the fact that some people can stay friends with an ex, but this friendship seems too close).

 

[greatsnake]

You didn't mention that in your OP. You said that you hadn't formally asked her.

Dude I'm telling you, if you wanna 'do the right thing,' she's going to emotionally manipulate you into doing something you'll later regret - staying with her.

lol I see your point of view, but I'll have to cut it personally...

 

[greatsnake]

Good luck.

You'll be posting on here in a few months, talking about how she broke your heart and went back to ol' dude. Just like this...

that's why I'll cut it ASAP.

 

[greatsnake]

Too Short says it best in his song 'Anything is Possible'

Check it out.

LOL read the lyrics-- that was my attitude for 5 years.

 

[Barrister]

How's it going you guys? Been a while since I've checked in as everything has been great when it comes to women these past few years.

However, I met this chick: smart, hard worker and has the looks. I asked her out for drinks and we ended up at the beach that same night. Every was cool until things started moving rather quick: she started saying she loved me, was looking forward to moving in together amongst other things. The other thing was that she Brought up the ex a couple of times. Thirdly, she told saw me as her boyfriend even though "I didn't know it", even though I hadn't formally asked her. However, I decided to ignore the red flags and asked her out. I've come to the conclusion that this is in fact a rebound relationship and that I want to break things with her even though she has the qualities that I'm looking for except the timing isn't right.

How do you guys think I should tell her that she's not over her ex and that I deserve being in this place? Opinions welcome as I've never experienced this.

THanks!

To be clear, how long exactly have you been with this woman? You mentioned things have been going well for "a few years" with dating but your description of your activities with this woman makes this particular relationship sound fairly brief. Not that it ultimately matters -- I am just trying to understand your situation fully.

The truth is you don't owe her anything. You can split with her however you like. For me, even when I have to make a difficult decision such as ending a relationship, it is important for me to maintain my integrity as a man. This doesn't mean a long drawn out discussion of the minutiae of why the relationship won't work point by point, but I do believe that a brief, succinct face to face discussion ending things makes sense. If all you want is to up your lay count then this may not mean anything to you. But if you are looking for a LTR with the right woman eventually, ghosting a current LTR can easily be seen as a low integrity move -- by both men and women -- and can poison the well against you if you are in a smaller community. Regardless, she will react negatively. The key point is how you are perceived at large -- not necessarily by her.

Good luck, brother.

 

[Epimanes]

Talking about an ex isn't necessarily a red flag......

Just be honest...

 

[greatsnake]

To be clear, how long exactly have you been with this woman? You mentioned things have been going well for "a few years" with dating but your description of your activities with this woman makes this particular relationship sound fairly brief. Not that it ultimately matters -- I am just trying to understand your situation fully.

The truth is you don't owe her anything. You can split with her however you like. For me, even when I have to make a difficult decision such as ending a relationship, it is important for me to maintain my integrity as a man. This doesn't mean a long drawn out discussion of the minutiae of why the relationship won't work point by point, but I do believe that a brief, succinct face to face discussion ending things makes sense. If all you want is to up your lay count then this may not mean anything to you. But if you are looking for a LTR with the right woman eventually, ghosting a current LTR can easily be seen as a low integrity move -- by both men and women -- and can poison the well against you if you are in a smaller community. Regardless, she will react negatively. The key point is how you are perceived at large -- not necessarily by her.

Good luck, brother.

Things have been going great for the past few years, but I've known her about 2-3 months.

I do want a LTR that's why a brief face-to-face discussion would be a good idea. If it were just a fast lay, I wouldn't have cared.

 

[greatsnake]

Talking about an ex isn't necessarily a red flag......

Just be honest...

Talking about an ex isn’t a red flag but not setting boundaries with the ex is what gets me thinking. By the way, I’m ok if they remain friends.