Rebound is back

[grayclif]

So last fall I got together with this lady. I have known her for quit some time and after my LTR ended I tried to make things happen with her. I provide a business service for her and being the AFC that I was I started letting her fees slide. Mistake - I know. After a few weeks of AFCing her to near death she starts dating this other guy. So for me this is a double whammy. I'm really depressed at this point - dumped hard twice in a row.

So I stop speaking with her from before the holidays up until about late January when I implement a new billing system and sent her a bill. She calls me and says she will discontinue my service till she is able to pay me back in full. I'm cool with that expecting never to see or hear from her again - I write it off.

Well yesterday she pays me back. She shows up all sexy, tight clothes looking good, she's lost a few pounds too. We speak for a while just catching up. It's like we picked up where we were before I went all AFC.

I was teasing her about not remembering how to ride a bike and she says "so, I remember how to ride you". Oh shlt! She shows up again a few hours later after work with her exercise gear on - tank top with the belly all showing. Damnn.

I've been focusing on me these past few months and it's really starting to pay off. I'm walking tall again, business is up and I'm having fun. Any ideas on why she is back and how should I maintain frame in this?

 

[sodbuster]

SHe's back because you didn't chase her. IF you want to show her the man you've become-go ahead.Just don't do the AFC again-let her know you were recovering and it won't happen again.[not verbally if possible]. It may be that she lost the last guy and you are her rebound; or whatever[trying to figure out a woman?].

Qualify HER,make her EARN the new you[or not if all you want to do is rub nasties] YOU are now in charge,do what you want. I personally wouldn't take her back,once she leaves-she's GONE[kind of a hardazz,but I don't really shive a git about any one woman]

 

[jophil28]

I was teasing her about not remembering how to ride a bike and she says "so, I remember how to ride you". Oh shlt! She shows up again a few hours later after work with her exercise gear on - tank top with the belly all showing. Damnn.

She has come back for Round#2 because she thinks that you are an easy target to exploit for ego inflation, attention and validation.. My guess is that she was with some other guy for a few months and it crashed. You are rebound guy, and she sees you are a sure thing because of your previous supplicating behavior.

It is easy to adopt some magical thinking here in which you convince yourself that she has had enough time to realise what a cool guy you really are deep down. Not so - she only knows you as Mr Nice Guy - and she is back to exploit that guy AGAIN . When you have served your purpose she will FZ you or dump you again.

Be wary and be suspicious about her motives here. Her dress, manner and actions reek of desperation and manipulation.

However, if you have your shyte together, you might hit it one more time BUT then you need to FZ her or dump her before she does it to you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Grayclif,
To go back is to rediscover why the relationship folded in the first place...Another truism,You never mix business with romance.

 

[grayclif]

Update

Text exchange -

her: how have you been? I was... blah blah
me: you know - I think we should just be friends but with sexual tension
her: i thought that's what we are - you already decided that

Her response was spot on without any discussion. I have to give it to her cause she is correct.

How would you respond to this - if any???

 

[window]

has you business become more successful since you saw her last ? Your value may have gone up. Her radar would easily pick this up.

 

[jophil28]

Text exchange -

her: how have you been? I was... blah blah
me: you know - I think we should just be friends but with sexual tension
her: i thought that's what we are - you already decided that

Her response was spot on without any discussion. I have to give it to her cause she is correct.

How would you respond to this - if any???

One question. Did she ever pay her bill in full ?

 

[grayclif]

she did... but she has been presented with a new one for April. She may be back to her old games.

 

[jophil28]

she did... but she has been presented with a new one for April. She may be back to her old games.

I think that your radar may be working a lot better nowadays.