Really NEED help with kino. Im feeling hopeless

[lokariototal]

It's very hard for me to do kino well. I have struggled with this problem LITERALLY FOR YEARS, and still it's SO hard for me to connect physically with women. Im literally LOOSING my mind for this ****ing problem that seems to have no end. I think Kino is the holy grail missing for me that will open all the girls for me. But the thing is, It feels SO PHONY, so CANNED when I try it, and I dont know if it's FEAR of KINO, or if it's just PLAIN AWKWARDNESS. For instance, just some minutes ago I went to the student union and I decided i was gonna practice to fix this **** of kino (ive practiced billions of times and have had few results) so I went to her. In my head I was like "ok im gonna practice this.. what can I do? Maybe Ill put my arm around her... no! it feels SO phony, so fake". IS THIS FEAR AND FEELING OF AWKWARDNESS OF DOING KINO NORMAL, OR IS IT JUST THAT IT'S ****ING AWKWARD to put your arm around another person's shoulder out of the blue. I've been trying to answer this question literally FOR YEARS, and still, no answer.

My Theories about the problem:
1. I'm not REALLY making FUN, friendly relationships with women (meaning im not CONNECTING emotionally in the first place), so touching them feels weird/fake (in contrast, it's very easy for me to touch my friends, because I have such a good relationship with them because i have a good connection with them)
2. I haven't conquered Kino Anxiety, kino anxiety is NOT normal
3. Kino anxiety IS normal
4. The awkwardness feeling doesn't mean im doing kino wrong, it's just the way it feels to kino somebody in the beginning
5. I'm moving too fast. I should do basic kino until it feels more natural for me (which could take months)
6. It's normal that I have only connected physically with a woman 2 or 3 times and it's normal that it is so hard to achieve those connections, afterall the dating world is hard
7. It's normal that women might reject you and give weird looks at you when you first try kino with them. But I take this reactions as something negative and quit too fast
8. I like being affectionate and warm with my friends (dont get me wrong!!), in the sense that when I see them I shake strongly their hands, or give them a hug or stuff like that. KINOING WOMEN is the same thing.
9. I'm thinking things WAY too much: I should just act and don't bother if i Get rejected or get the "what are you doing?" looks, it is normal to get those reactions.
10. Im not being persistent enough

I have no CLUE of which theory is right or what to do (which theory do you think is right?)... Im loosing my mind about this.. Im feeling very powerless, hopeless, helpless, depressed, etc. etc. Im REALLY getting tired of this. I've tried solving this for years and have had VERY VERY VERY FEW progress.. NEED HELP

For me, I CAN do basic kino like handshakes, hugs, etc VERY easily, BUT when it comes to ADVANCING FROM THERE, I GET ****ING STUCK, and have always been..
I REALLY NEED HELP

 

[Scars]

I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times but I'll say it again. Kino should always be natural. It's not "should I put my arm around her now.. wait no.. the moment isn't right". It's "I have this urge to touch her right now", and you just do it.

Putting your arm around her shoulder is kind of advance kino for a newbie anyway. Do the little things first that break the ice and get's you both comfortable with each first.

This can include.

- Touching her arm to emphasize a point.

- Anytime she talks about a part of her body use it as an excuse to touch her. Example: "Hey, how do you like my new hair I just got it done!" you then grab her hair and compliment her on it. Same thing goes with scars, bruises, clothing, tattoos, virtually anything. Don't miss the opportunity to touch her.

- Ever played the "who's hand is bigger game" in high school? We all know that's the first thing everyone does before they hold hands for the first time. It's cheesy but it works.

- Even stupid things like tapping her to beat the of a song that's playing or something. I once started playing a girls boobs like they were drums one time just because I got the random urge to do it. But I wouldn't recommend that unless you've already established some comfortability with her first.

- Another simple one. Take full advantage of hugs. Just don't hug her like you do your grandma. Make it a little passionate, but not creepy. Anytime you run into her that gives you a reason to hug her, and thus build more comfort.

These were just a few off the top of my head. Don't over analyze it. That seems to be your problem. Don't even think about it, just let it come second nature. The first few ice-breaking kinos may seem awkward, but once you start noticing her reacting positively towards it you find that it becomes extremely easy from then on.

Best of luck!

-Scars

 

[thecurtainfalls]

The good thing is you seem to have your senses calibrated pretty well, in that you can tell when you're being unnatural and you can be realistic about the response you're getting.

Kino is a powerful tool, but it sounds like you might not have created enough attraction in some of these situations in order to get away with some flirty kino. It's not going to work the way it's intended if you just kino a girl without setting it up properly first - kino is powerful but not that powerful.

In fact, although kino is a hugely important gateway to escalating touching etc, its initial uses on a new girl are to gauge interest and subcommunicate interest/comfort. If a girl reciprocates your kino, this is a great sign (although if she doesn't it doesn't mean anything bad, necessarily). We only touch those we feel very comfortable with (or at the very least, do not find repulsive). If a girl isn't yet comfortable with you or attracted to you, she's not going to want you putting your paws all over her. This is why you've gotten the skunk-eye a couple times. You may have been trying to initiate kino before it was wanted or appropriate. No worries, it happens to everyone from time to time. The key is not to force it. Trust your instincts - if it feels like it would probably be awkward to touch her at a given moment, maybe it would be. There's a fine line between feeling self-conscious and actually realizing that a girl probably won't be receptive to your touch quite yet.

So it sounds to me like you might be trying to use it as part of your attraction game; whereas in reality, kino is more of a transitional tool and subcommunicator.

I hope that helped. I feel like I was a little obtuse in my explanation, but hopefully you get the idea. You might also want to search for squirrels' post about the 'mirror test', as it sounds like you need to get your inner game in order a bit too.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You'll get over it. Don't give up. We've all felt uncomfortable at some point. You will work through this.

If it feels too weird for you, then move slower. You're comfortable with hugs and handshakes. Great. Now push that boundary just a little bit until you're comfortable, then do it again. Take your time, there's no rush.