self-respect
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2012
- Messages
- 59
- Reaction score
- 5
I'm in a real sh!tty situation and what I do will have big consequences, which is why I'm putting this in the mature man section and asking advice from the guys on here who really know what they're doing. I found this site 2 years back and read all the stuff and thought I knew what to do and say too, but really looking back unless you've gone through it it's not the same. Experience is another animal from reading it in a book or online. Apologies for the long story:
Used SS to help pull my life together back in 2012. Problem is the very first girl I went out with as the "new real me" I thought was awesome more than the others I had been around. She was interesting, compassionate (not a b!tch), seemed to have her head on straight, sex was good, so on a friend's advice I asked her to be my GF. You could say big mistake, and I thought it would be at the time too, but I thought nothing ventured nothing gained and really the 2 years since were great. Slowly trusting each other more, allowing the each other to be more of a support, going through many different situations together, small fun things every week and big travel trips every now and then, actually loving the other person a lot. Or so I thought.
Saw her 2 year journal on her computer. Don't know what made me read it, since I've given her space and privacy and trust from the very beginning, letting her sort out her issues and being there if she needs some help. I wish I hadn't read some ****, like her writing down who she fcked before I came along - we've run under a "don't need to know, don't care" basis since the beginning. But we have overlapping circles and it turns out I know a couple of the guys. Apparently was a huge sloot. Sucky feeling.
The real sh!tty part though is finding out a lot of her "great, healthy relationship" with me is a front. Apparently over the last year, she's been snooping through my phone and papers for anything I write down over and over again, like it's a new magazine issue that came out for her. She writes she knows it's wrong but can't help it. She's been constantly talking to her friends about whether to go out with me - apparently she still doesn't know whether she can trust me because of what I write down about other chicks. The same friends she bad mouths to me otherwise, doesn't see for weeks or months at a time, and I see her or talk to her day in day out.
Then some other gems. Saying she will never love me the same way she did her first BF who cheated on her and they broke up 5 years ago. Apparently she reached out to him a couple times while we've been going out for advice regarding me. Once last year when I was on vacation with family. She wrote he was the only one she was comfortable with talking about that stuff at the time, despite being a year into the relationship. Whenever mentioned him it was that she ran into him at a bar, never told she called and asked to meet up. Huge no-no. Know she didn't cheat despite the other guy wanting to fck her again - journal is explicit about who she has a crush on and who she wants to fck, says old guy is just a friend and not at all attracted. I believe it cause it was never meant for my eyes. But also says will never have same spark. Views me as "great person, perfect for me, I love him but not the same." Has been comparing us throughout, though less and less. Has lied to me to my face as little as 2 weeks ago when I was suspicious, saying she's never snooped.
Had another BF when we met, never mentioned weaned off him to be with me. Fine. Apparently fcked both of us in the same day when was just going out with her. Smacks of hypocrisy when she was outraged when she found out that I (single) was going on dates with another girl after her when we were just starting to go out. Also, I'm the only one that's ever made her cvm during sex (every day) but she writes about imagining HER knowing how to cvm properly now with another, bigger ****. Dafuq? There's the few times she's really wanted to fck other guys or get their numbers but couldn't cause of the relationship. Though 80% of it is her insecurity that I will cheat or leave her for other girls I want to fck, despite bringing it up with me many many times. Also written that by reading through my sh!t, she knows I'm not the stud she thought I was and that's good for her insecurity. Can see her opinion of me dropping as the months go on.
So the question is, what do I do? My mind is saying it was a mirage, time to cut and run despite it being a ton of pain. Already hurting thinking what I thought I had was just something I created, not cause of her. Every normal easygoing moment was apparently in my mind and she would write about it later with the chaos inside her. Better to find out now I guess than later.
But from an outside perspective, someone who's limited by lack of personal information but can think unbiased and clearly, what do you guys think? I admit there's been less of a spark - I haven't been myself the last year, not like I set out to be in 2012. Pretty down and not in good shape actually. Our LTR's been steady fun, not spicy/sparks. Her past is her past, I never brought up mine with her either. The rest of it can mostly be being a girl with girl logic - friend talk, insecurity and snooping (not okay), thinking about other guys but not acting on it. Though she lies saying she's never tempted, apparently her pvssy's on fire but me looking at other girls makes her crazy. Does call other guys hotter but like I said I haven't been giving time to my health/looks. Meeting up with her ex is never okay, though I know she didn't cheat. Thinking about other ****s, IDK. Once a sloot always a sloot?
So what do I do? Do I work on this? Before this I thought we were in a great place, it was part of my life going right. He!! we just spent a sh!t ton visiting Europe. Or is it not worth it? Her when she's around me doesn't match up to how her mind's working. She thinks she's genuine but I can't see how with all this sh!t. Legit don't know what to do. Don't want to lose something good and it's always felt good up until now but it might not be a good situation at all.
Don't usually ask for help but please. Thanks.
Used SS to help pull my life together back in 2012. Problem is the very first girl I went out with as the "new real me" I thought was awesome more than the others I had been around. She was interesting, compassionate (not a b!tch), seemed to have her head on straight, sex was good, so on a friend's advice I asked her to be my GF. You could say big mistake, and I thought it would be at the time too, but I thought nothing ventured nothing gained and really the 2 years since were great. Slowly trusting each other more, allowing the each other to be more of a support, going through many different situations together, small fun things every week and big travel trips every now and then, actually loving the other person a lot. Or so I thought.
Saw her 2 year journal on her computer. Don't know what made me read it, since I've given her space and privacy and trust from the very beginning, letting her sort out her issues and being there if she needs some help. I wish I hadn't read some ****, like her writing down who she fcked before I came along - we've run under a "don't need to know, don't care" basis since the beginning. But we have overlapping circles and it turns out I know a couple of the guys. Apparently was a huge sloot. Sucky feeling.
The real sh!tty part though is finding out a lot of her "great, healthy relationship" with me is a front. Apparently over the last year, she's been snooping through my phone and papers for anything I write down over and over again, like it's a new magazine issue that came out for her. She writes she knows it's wrong but can't help it. She's been constantly talking to her friends about whether to go out with me - apparently she still doesn't know whether she can trust me because of what I write down about other chicks. The same friends she bad mouths to me otherwise, doesn't see for weeks or months at a time, and I see her or talk to her day in day out.
Then some other gems. Saying she will never love me the same way she did her first BF who cheated on her and they broke up 5 years ago. Apparently she reached out to him a couple times while we've been going out for advice regarding me. Once last year when I was on vacation with family. She wrote he was the only one she was comfortable with talking about that stuff at the time, despite being a year into the relationship. Whenever mentioned him it was that she ran into him at a bar, never told she called and asked to meet up. Huge no-no. Know she didn't cheat despite the other guy wanting to fck her again - journal is explicit about who she has a crush on and who she wants to fck, says old guy is just a friend and not at all attracted. I believe it cause it was never meant for my eyes. But also says will never have same spark. Views me as "great person, perfect for me, I love him but not the same." Has been comparing us throughout, though less and less. Has lied to me to my face as little as 2 weeks ago when I was suspicious, saying she's never snooped.
Had another BF when we met, never mentioned weaned off him to be with me. Fine. Apparently fcked both of us in the same day when was just going out with her. Smacks of hypocrisy when she was outraged when she found out that I (single) was going on dates with another girl after her when we were just starting to go out. Also, I'm the only one that's ever made her cvm during sex (every day) but she writes about imagining HER knowing how to cvm properly now with another, bigger ****. Dafuq? There's the few times she's really wanted to fck other guys or get their numbers but couldn't cause of the relationship. Though 80% of it is her insecurity that I will cheat or leave her for other girls I want to fck, despite bringing it up with me many many times. Also written that by reading through my sh!t, she knows I'm not the stud she thought I was and that's good for her insecurity. Can see her opinion of me dropping as the months go on.
So the question is, what do I do? My mind is saying it was a mirage, time to cut and run despite it being a ton of pain. Already hurting thinking what I thought I had was just something I created, not cause of her. Every normal easygoing moment was apparently in my mind and she would write about it later with the chaos inside her. Better to find out now I guess than later.
But from an outside perspective, someone who's limited by lack of personal information but can think unbiased and clearly, what do you guys think? I admit there's been less of a spark - I haven't been myself the last year, not like I set out to be in 2012. Pretty down and not in good shape actually. Our LTR's been steady fun, not spicy/sparks. Her past is her past, I never brought up mine with her either. The rest of it can mostly be being a girl with girl logic - friend talk, insecurity and snooping (not okay), thinking about other guys but not acting on it. Though she lies saying she's never tempted, apparently her pvssy's on fire but me looking at other girls makes her crazy. Does call other guys hotter but like I said I haven't been giving time to my health/looks. Meeting up with her ex is never okay, though I know she didn't cheat. Thinking about other ****s, IDK. Once a sloot always a sloot?
So what do I do? Do I work on this? Before this I thought we were in a great place, it was part of my life going right. He!! we just spent a sh!t ton visiting Europe. Or is it not worth it? Her when she's around me doesn't match up to how her mind's working. She thinks she's genuine but I can't see how with all this sh!t. Legit don't know what to do. Don't want to lose something good and it's always felt good up until now but it might not be a good situation at all.
Don't usually ask for help but please. Thanks.
