really hard to admit, but I have a fear of sex

[mr.uk]

thats embarrassing to admit even to people such as yourselves who i dont know and probably never will.

fine on my own, but when im getting intimate with a girl, i put so much pressure and importance on "getting one up" that sometimes i cant and at best i get half way. ive had sex twice when i was 15 (3 damn years ago!) but even then i had a different problem where i couldnt ***. there is no physical problem, its just a complete mental block. i get really nervous, as if its a performance based sport.

i literally just cannot relax when getting physical with a woman.

can anyone give me some advise how to get over this please because its causing me to avoid going beyond flirting with girls because im scared to.

 

[selfmademob]

lol, maybe ur gay

 

[mr.uk]

haha, im definately not gay.

 

[selfmademob]

Well maybe you should see a doctor, I am serious. This could be some psyochological problem.

 

[DonGorgon]

LOL.... oh well...

 

[PhatE1vis]

That's a tough one, because once you start thinking about not being able to get it up, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Next time you're with a girl, tell yourself you're not going to have sex under any circumstances. Remove that pressure. Just do everything else (kiss, touch, etc.). Don't think about getting it up.

I bet if you get outside your head by removing the pressure of sex, you'll just enjoy being with her and nature will take over.

If that fails, getta couple drinks in ya. (Note, I'm not promoting underaged drinking).

 

[a123]

When this problem started? Maybe you should see a therapist, there is nothing physically wrong with your d1ck and few meetings with a therapist can do wonders.

 

[WesCottII]

Where in the Midlands you from dude?

First off, just calm down. It's no big deal, everyones nervous on their first (few) times.

Second, just let it flow. While you're thinking all that, she's thinking "does he think I'm fat?" "what if I'm no good?"

just chill.

 

[Touchout]

Where in the Midlands you from dude?

First off, just calm down. It's no big deal, everyones nervous on their first (few) times.

Second, just let it flow. While you're thinking all that, she's thinking "does he think I'm fat?" "what if I'm no good?"

just chill.

Yea, I don't understand all of these people acting like they weren't nervous their first few times. Dont worry bro, I went through something similar, just try to stay out of your own head and let whats going to happen, happen.

 

[yogy]

I had the same problem when i was a virgin (and it sucked) even with girls that I was very relaxed and missed a LOT of opportunitys.I even tried with h00kers :crazy:

That's a tough one, because once you start thinking about not being able to get it up, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Soooo true.

My salvation was an older/experienced woman that just didn't gave up on me
So my advice is to find a girl/woman that knows what to do and how to do it

 

[DonJuan11]

fine on my own,

LOL. That's pretty funny.

but when im getting intimate with a girl, i put so much pressure and importance on "getting one up" that sometimes i cant and at best i get half way. ive had sex twice when i was 15 (3 damn years ago!) but even then i had a different problem where i couldnt ***.

I don't understand, where you couldn't what?

there is no physical problem, its just a complete mental block. i get really nervous, as if its a performance based sport.

i literally just cannot relax when getting physical with a woman.

Sounds like you are too attracted to these girls. If you were not, you probably wouldn't have the problem.

can anyone give me some advise how to get over this please because its causing me to avoid going beyond flirting with girls because im scared to.

See a doctor. We haven't gone to med school for 15 years to give you advice on how to calm down when you are about to put it inside a girl.

 

[wolf116]

You don't need to see a doctor, it happens to a lot of guys with social anxiety.

You just need to keep doing it until it is as natural as kissing.

The best thing for me was to find a nice LTR to experiment on. She won't care that you suck at first, just tell her you are going to need lots of practices. You may have to lower your standards at first.

 

[bolannbowie]

I don't think it's a big deal, and I definitely don't think you need to see a therapist at this point. I agree with wolf116 that you should look into an LTR to experiment with. You don't want to have this problem with a girl who's going to be a biatch about it or treat you like some kind of anomaly, and doing it in an LTR will remove the pressure of a one night stand or casual hookup.

I actually had a similar experience a few years ago. It happened my first few times and I was older than you are even now. I was also nervous, and I definitely didn't anticipate not being able to get it up. Imagine my disappointment when what I thought was going to be the roar of a virile youth in his sexual prime turned out to be the muffled cough of a geriatric with ED. Luckily I was in a somewhat LTR and my girlfriend was completely cool about it. When relaxed and making out/not thinking about sex, I would be revved up and ready to go, and I ended up using this to my advantage when the light bulb came on in my head and we transitioned smoothly from making out to gettin it on. After that my psychological block was absent, permanently.

So basically I agree with what these guys have been saying about being relaxed and removing pressure, I just wanted to illustrate these points with an example from personal experience. I don't think you have anything to be worried about. Good luck.