"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Reality check

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wakeforce

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I know what I'm going to do is FAR from being DJ-esque, but I'd like to get a reality check from people I don't know. The persons I know and love all say I'm a charming and beautiful guy, but there are others (which are much less involved in my life) that don't have such pleasing comments to do on my looks and personality.

I know you can't say anything abou persona, as you don't know me, but you can tell a bit about looks. I do lotsa phoptography, so I could've taken a wonderful picture with soft lighting, airbrushed the hel out of it, corrected my traits, etc. but I didn't do it. At the place, I simply took a normal picture with my webcam, no smiling, nothing, so you can rate as objectively as possible.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm ALWAYS smiling when around people, it comes off naturally, but I didn't as it would've biased your view.

I'll post better pics (smiling, well groomed, good quality, etc.) after I've gotten a few comments.

 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Wyldfire

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You have good facial features in that picture, but the hairstyle is awful. (I'm a woman, by the way)
 
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wakeforce

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XD, that one doesn't surprise me. What do you suggest as a good haircut?

I'm 17 BTW, long hair is "in", and I like long hair anyways. I should get a haircut tough, because now it's really WAY too long.
 
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Wyldfire

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In all honesty, the hairstyle reminds me of the hairstyles the guys sported in my oldests sisters yearbook back in 1974. The length of your hair is tricky for a guy to pull off and still look, well, like a guy. Seriously...it looks kinda feminine to me. If you want "long" hair (for a guy) you should go with a much shorter "long". I'll look online for a style like I'm referring to that I think would look good with your features. I think there is an online program that lets you upload a photo of yourself to change hairstyles to see how they look on you. I'm not sure if I can find it again or not..but I'm certain I've seen one before. I'll look for that, too.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Julian

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you look like a girl with a quiver lip thats about to cry.
 
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wakeforce

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Wyldfire

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Why do you want to cover your eyes? They are one of your better features in my opinion. Personally, I think a long cut doesn't fit your face so well. I'm not sure really short would be best, either. I think a medium messy/tousled look just below the ears with bangs just below your brows would be a good fit for you. I'm thinking kinda like Jimmy Fallon from SNL type of hair or just slightly longer would be good for your face.
 
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wakeforce

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Well, just because I'm used to having hair in my face, and it's fun to play with :D

I always find that taking the hair outta your face with one grand gesture is a fun thing to do (ok, maybe not that much, but you see what I mean)

Maybe I could go for a shorter hairstyle and let it grow back, IDK...
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Wyldfire

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Originally posted by wakeforce
Well, just because I'm used to having hair in my face, and it's fun to play with :D

I always find that taking the hair outta your face with one grand gesture is a fun thing to do (ok, maybe not that much, but you see what I mean)

Maybe I could go for a shorter hairstyle and let it grow back, IDK...
Click to expand...
Go to a good stylist and ask them to suggest some styles they think will go good with your face shape. I honestly think the length you're going with and so much hair covering your eyes is not the best look for your face. But again...that is just my opinion.
 
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wakeforce

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Be sure I will, I'll try to come up with a few suggestions. I go to a pretty good hair salon, so she's gonna take care of me friday. I'll give you updates on that afterwards.
 
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Freeman

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Listen you pretty good lookin kid-I'm not seeing whats wrong...Do you have some girl problems or somethin?
 
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I-am-someone

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Personally, I think you're taking the wrong approach on your hair. You've already got fairly feminine facial features (esspecially the chin), and adding hair to it just makes it seem even more feminine. Hair is one of the few things that you can use to change the way you look - try using it to your advantage.

I'd personally think of going with something a tad bit shorter and keeping it at the same length, then using some kind of a product to shape it.
Long hair hanging loose tends to look feminine, if you put stuff in it, it becomes a lot more manly almost instantly. However, you can't put anything in it when it's that long, so you need to get it cut to a length at which you can.

I've got long hair myself and it works great the way I just described it.
 
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