Reality Check

[Dirtheart]

I've got this DJ stuff down in theory. I've boosted my confidence, I've been practising my talking, posture, eye contact and it's all working exceptionally well when I get the opportunity to talk to a woman.

However, I cannot see how approaching a stranger can work. I often see women looking at me and get a good vibe and feel confident I could get a date if only I could get talking to them. But here's the reality of the situation:

They're often in company, passing by or in a crowded place. It would literally require me to stop them or take them aside in order to make conversation and I'd have to start out with a pretty good reason for doing so.

It's not nervousness or fear of rejection holding me back, it's more...social customs and etiquette. If a stranger approaches you to "chat", that's usually considered weird.

So all this theory is great, but how do you approach a woman on a train, in the street or even in a bar while she's talking to friends, without having an "excuse" to talk to her?

 

[TheNonPedant]

Hi,

I think trying to approach strangers with the mindset of trying to get a conversation going is difficult.

That may sound strange, but what I mean is that don't try to start conversations....let them happen. Look at the environment and ask open ended questions. I work in a store, and many people just start up convos with me....talk about anything within the environment.

Here's some examples

- easiest one is to make a comment about the weather, directions, time...
- I asked a couple of ladies where's cool to hang out on the street once, opened into a nice convo.
- I once heard a couple of ladies talk a different language, naturally I was interested and asked what that language was and the meaning....started into convo.

in all of those and other instances, I genuinely had an interest or question...I never wanted to start a convo...yet it just happened.

When you stop trying to make convos happen, and talk about whats around, they won't be so put off...and there won't be a strange vibe around it.

hope that helped

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

Break the ice~

If you're sitting in a bar or something you might try http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=48076

TheNonPedant gave some great advice for women who might just be passing by on the street as well.

Keep in mind, this might be awkward at first, but as a result of that not too many other guys will do it. You'll really be a stand out from the rest of the crowd.

 

[Dirtheart]

Where are you guys from btw? Here in England I think we have a reputation for being rather socially reserved and very cynical, so even though these approaches sound really cool to me, they also seem a bit too idealistic.

If you stop to talk to someone in the street, I doubt they'll let you finish your sentence before cutting you off with "What are you selling?" or "I'm not interested". It's hard to make friendly conversation without having a purpose to talk to someone.

The reason I brought this topic up is because I'm kind of kicking myself as yesterday I passed this very attractive woman, exactly my type, and we locked eyes as we passed each other. I turned back to check her out and saw her doing the same (well, she looked back at me anyway). But we both continued walking opposite directions. There was nothing I could do aside from calling her back or rushing after her - and then what would I say if I did?

 

[electron]

Well don't "rush" after but just maybe turn around and approach her, say you noticed her, thought she was kinda cute and wanted to meet her and say hi. Take it from there, what have you to lose all she can do is say no, at least that way you have no regrets and aren't left wondering "what if" This is how I approach these situations. I used to always do nothing, of course this will get you nowhere, destiny is in your hands, they aren';t going to approach you (normally) you have to create it.

 

[electron]

Its all a numbers game anyway....if you approach 100 girls your gonna score a number ____% of the time, but if you never approach any your succes will be zero as opposed to a higher number.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

There is a thread out here on "Cold Approaches" - search it!
My understanding is that "cold appraches" are rare in england. You missed an opportunity with the girl that gave you a second look - never never let that pass - you'll only have regrets!!! As you do now! In America cold approaches are the norm - if we wait to be properly introduced, we'll be waiting for a life time!!!

 

[Spike_the_cowboy]

<New Mexico, U.S.A.

 

[Dirtheart]

Does anyone know of any books on seduction written by an English author?

You see, I have been reading Ross Jeffries and although his theory is excellent, I don't believe his techniques can be applied without being blatantly obvious to a woman I'm talking to. A lot of British people are too guarded and cynical to let presuppositions and "weasel statements" pass.

Even if I tried one of his more subtle questions like "Have you ever been so fascinated with someone...etc?" I am certain she'd call me on it - and would probably feel I was insulting her intelligence.

In fact, I think someone like Ross Jeffries would get more slaps than phone numbers if he tried his techniques in Britain.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

if you're a girl, think of all the unwanted advances you'd have to put up with from guys you simply were not interested in. Then, you walk by a guy you think is really cute and sexy, but alas, he has no balls and is afraid to say anything. If only he had said something, anything, she'd have encouraged him. Oh well, life goes on.

There is no magic phrase, posture, glare, hairstyle, clothing, or attitude that will guarantee success. There is however, one fool-proof method that will ensure failure, and that is to say or do nothing. Looks like you have mastered the latter. Perhaps you should try something else, anything else would be a drastic improvement.

 

[jakethasnake]

Yes, I've been to England and it really does seem like it's more a cultural issue, this not-being-able-to-cold-approach stuff. In America women are quite used to it, and even like it. Americans as a whole are much more outgoing, forward, and "simple"/straightforward that you uptight Brits.



What I would suggest is this:


Try asking a woman a question under the pretext of asking for help. I remember being at Heathrow airport and I was at a magazine stand, trying to figure out the fvcking conversion from US dollars to Pound Sterling to by some reading material. I happend to see a hot English blonde next to me, so I just straight up asked her,


"Excuse me Miss, do you know how much this would be in US dollars?"


She responded well and looked interested, but I saw no point in starting up a conversation when my flight was leaving in 10 minutes and my gate was about 5 MILES away. I'll bet that I would've been able to number-close if I had more time (and if I were gonna stay in London to begin with!).



Anyway in America, being that formal, i.e. saying "Excuse miss, etc..." would be seen as very stiff/dorky. We normally just go with, "Hey" or even "Hey come here for a sec", and that works just fine. But I almost consciously factored in that using such casual lines to a Brit might offend them, so I used that line on the English blonde. She seemed taken by my manners, not to mention that perfect American English was coming out of the mouth of a 'Chinaman'! LOL!



Anyway, that's my 2 cents worth.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
my gate was about 5 MILES away.

hahaha, Heathrow huh? Yeah that place is fukcing HUGE!!!

As for England, I had NO problems there. Chicks actually bought me drinks

But in general I know how it is. Its the same here as in England, chicks are a little more uptight when appraoched by strangers. In US things are crazy, chicks seem to just be total fukcing hos!!! I went there and picked up about 20 times in 2 weeks. Me and a mate hired a hotel room about an hour before we went to a club so WHEN we picked up we could take them back there. Things in the US, especially LA are just too easy. I suppose the Aussie accent helps too

 

[CLOONEY]

As far as cold approaches in the street. NEVER do them. I find I get PLENTY of opportunities in clubs, through friends, at parties and especially AT UNI!! My uni has highest ratio of HOTTEST CHICKS IN THE WORLD I think. It is renowned for having babes, and I can tell you (I HAVE HIGHHHHHHHH STANDARDS), it does NOT disappoint

 

[Dirtheart]

To hell with it, I've been feeling gutsy lately so I think I'm going to try a cold approach very soon and just see what happens. If it doesn't work, at least I can evaluate what went wrong, learn from it and give some kind of feedback to the forum.

Maybe I can be the guy to develop a UK-specific guide to cold approaches.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
To hell with it, I've been feeling gutsy lately so I think I'm going to try a cold approach very soon and just see what happens. If it doesn't work, at least I can evaluate what went wrong, learn from it and give some kind of feedback to the forum.

Maybe I can be the guy to develop a UK-specific guide to cold approaches.

no, no, no, you're missing the point.... don't try a cold approach... try a few hundred cold approaches... get it?

It's like learning to ride a bike... did you quit after your first fall? No, you jumped up and tried again, undaunted you eventually find success, now go for it, over and over.

 

[carbani]

Imagine that you already know them! If you would notice a girl that you met some time ago, then you'd approach her with no problem. So imagine that you already know her, approach, say "Hi", she'll reply, and then run a scenario you've prepeared before.

A few scenarios that work:
"Do I know you?" "No" "Oh, I'm DJ" "I'm HB" "Nice to meet you, HB"

or

"I'll have much free time this week, can you recommend something unusual to do in this city?" (if she doesn't know, followup with: "What would you do if you'd want to go out somewhere different?")

or anything else.

Don't worry about the followup, the most important thing is to approach!