Raising kids

[backbreaker]

oh yes.. it finally happened lol last night. By "it" I think every dad here knows what I am talking about.

I have a great son. He loves his dad, and he is alot like I was when I was a child.. you give me some toys or a cartoon and just leave me alone I can entertain myself. I was the same way. He generally does what we tell him to do (for the most part), he even sleeps in his own bed (he does get out the bed and crawl in ours a few nights a week).

Okay, last night, we are sitting down and eating dinner. Joe had been yelling about some ice cream all day long, he loves ice cream. So he eats his food, cleans his plate and we give him a bowl of ice cream. He knows the damn drill, never do we let him gorge on food, he can pick one snack after dinner and that's generally it.

So we have a deep freezer that we keep the ice cream in. He has figured out where the ice cream is, and he pulls a chair to the deep freezer while i was washing dishes and my fiancee was cleaning up.. i'm just looking at him trying to figure out what the hell is he doing? i hasn't put it together yet.

"So he gets on top of the chair and pulls out the ice cream and just runs to his room lol. No spoon no nothing just hands lol. I mean he is 2 it's not like he is usain bolt or anything I gotta amit I was laughing my ass off that was classic. That's some **** I'd do. Smart little knucklehead. Can't blame the kid for trying.

Of course i'm not going to let him eat the whole damn thing so we go in there and we take it from him and tell him no you can't do that. He throws a hissy fit. He doesn't' do that often, but he was on one for whatever the reason may be.

So I tell him hey man look you know the deal. if you are still hungry (which i know you aren't) you can have a banana. he loves bananas. i eat one with him just to show him hey this is good too. Not working. he really, really wanted some ice cream.

At this point I reallyd on't know waht to tell him.. i mean I'm not going to give you more ice cream, it's the principle of the matter. you aren't going to get tot hrow a hissy fit and get what you want i dont' care if that means you crying yourself to sleep.

I tell him if he good tomorrow I will take him for some ice cream and he just starts balling.


OKAY so my fiancee just says hey lets just let him cry himself to sleep if he is going to act like that. I think tht's a good idea so we pop in a movie.

about 10 minutes later he comes in there with us. I have an iphone, he likes playing with it aqnd pushing the buttons and **** like that so I did not think anything when he grabs my phone.

he wonders around the kitchen then goes to the bathroom.. comes back without the phone.

he then makes his declaration "i mad you daddy!"

now still HADN'T put it all together.. I told him to come talk to me and that I was sorry.. my fiancee went o go use the bathroom and I here an "oh ****!".. at that point i think i figured it out.

my son, in an act of revenge, threw my phone in the toilet.

Now, if it were up to me I would have tore his ass up. Taht's how i was raised, I don't have abusive parents but spare the rod spoil the child I got my ass tore out the frame a few times.. enough o know hey this is not what the hell i want. my fiancee has never been hit in her life and she doesn't believe in striking kids. I have never touched my son, but god damnit i thought he deserved it at that point. you just don't throw dad's business phone in the toilet becuase he won't give you ice cream.

We had a pretty heated arguemetn last night.. I mean rather or not I hit the kid is not that big a deal, it's a ****ing phone, i got it replaced today, but the whole principle of how we are going to raise our kid. I told her okay, when he grows up and we tell him he can't have that new computer game and he stills our credit card and buys it anyway do we not hit him then? She just does not believe in it.

I left him alone becuase for the most part, she spends more time with him than I do and she has done an excellent job with him and I meant hat and it's important to have uniformity when raising kids.


there are certain things that if he does rather she likes it or not i will throw his ass threw a window. if he ever raises his hand to his mother regardless if we are together or not his ass= window. if he ever steals, his ass=window. If he ever raises his hand to me I will put his but in the hospital. Those are things that she can do whatever she wants or say what she wants, i don't bend on those things.

but this isn't that.


This is entirely new to me, to both of us. There is no 100% right or 100% wrong way to raise a child and we got in a heated debate both in his best interest.

He's no dummie. if he knows mommy won't hit me and daddy will hit me, he will just be good around me and act out around her because he knows he can. But **** lol, how can i argue with what my fiancee's parents did? they had 2 kids, my fiancee who is a freaking godsend and her brother who lives in london and is as sharp as a tact, while my dad tries to **** the women I bring home, and my mother won't talk to me becuase of a freaking book (bible) lol, I really don't have a leg to stand on in this regard.

 

[boomerick]

What I do with my son, and you can take this for what it's worth, is let him know he's gonna get punished then send him to his room to stew about it which seems to make more of an impression than the swat. (also lets me cool down and find the humor in his transgression where possible)

He then gets told by me what's gonna happen and why.

Then he gets the swat.

Afterward I then talk to him about how bad behavior earns punishment and that while I hate doing it, he needs to learn how important it is to me for him to grow up knowing right from wrong and that no mater what I love him.

My wife gets real uneasy when I have to punish, but I do it anyway. I tell her it's easier to train him now a 50 pounds than to have to fight him when he's 16 and 170 pounds.

At 2 I don't think I spanked though.

I think that started around 5.

I think 2 is too little.

For what it's worth.

Problem is parenting isn't an exact science.

So how are you really gonna know what works or what's a mistake?

Also does smacking your kid to convince him to behave make any sense???

I don't have that answer.

I'm sure the "greek choirus" will pile on me about that, but oh well.

My guiding principle is to do better than my dad did.

So far I am.

Over and Out.


EDIT --- Phone in the toilet --- hahahahahaha!!! He should come over to my house and do that to my wife and daughters phones!!! I'd pay him !!!

 

[backbreaker]

My fiancee went and talked with him and he came out and told me he was sorry and that he won't do it again (which is bull****) but yeah I figured that if i would have hit him it would have been out of anger, and i refuse to hit my kid out of anger. i think that he can be taught not to flush my phone without being struck.

my dad would have tore my ass up. And alot of guys say that like it's a badge of honor, but hell my dad and I don't talk to each other so how good that that turn out lol?


It actually was pretty damn funny, not as funny as watching a 2YO run with a gallon tub of blue belle ice cream that's as big as he is, but still funny. Well at least I know something is working in that damn head of his, that's pretty slick for a 2YO. And I do a good job of putting myself in other people's mind and my son cannot comprehend yet what he has done and the real ramifications of it. he knows i use phone so he will take it from me. that's the extent of his rationalization at this point.

 

[jophil28]

I would have taken one of his favorite toys and flushed it right in front of his eyes.

 

[backbreaker]

did not think of that. i might very well do that

 

[DanelMadr]

My few points:

LOL. Smart kid.

I guess 2yo is too small for spanking...kids that age are still too much of an selfish azzhole...they wouldn't survive otherwise. And flushing his toy? Well, I don't know...their empathy is practically zero.

Until the age of 4 they need to feel they are loved no matter what. They don't remember much of before that time anyway.

I think it is OK to shout on a kid or light one spank when it is a question of health or life and death.

Basically kids try what they can get away with....and we should be careful about punishment. Some parents shout on them for anything or straight up beat them. Kids get used to it or they would get mad and when they do something really bad the parents have to almost kill them to get a response.

I liked what you wrote about not punishing him when angry. That is very wise. Most time parents beat their kids just because of their hurt ego..."why doesn't he respect me?" And the kid surely loses the respect for them after anger beating. They are adult...how can a child get to them??? (I know how, lol, but thats not the point) And the more respect they lose the more the child misbehaves.

I think it is enough to show a child he/she made you disappointed. But me personally...I would rather get a beating than to go for hours of psych. torture seeking to end it with an apology. I think just to let me know that I did something bad (which I knew before I did it, lol), they are angry with me and not to do it again....and a hug. I fvcking hated the talks and roasting. I think it made more bad than good.

I think...for minor offenses a talk then more serious talk then talk and some punishment BUT always to shake hands early on as a meaning of acceptance, redemption,respect and to mark the end of it.

Physical punishment for kids? It is not necessary (unless small kid is running towards a car or trying to poke an eye of other kid). How can we spank a kid but not whip an adult thief?

Parents should rise their kids by example.
In general..How can a child not steal if a father is stealing at work and taking pride in it?(hey Are you stealing Ice cream at work?)

Bottom line....it looks like parents can do more damage than good when consciously trying to raise their kid. I say just be supportive and cool. 2yo is too small anyway, just enjoy it....it is better than watching Discovery channel, init?

 

[backbreaker]

I know he won't be eating ice cream for a while that much I know

 

[Bible_Belt]

I don't know anything about raising two year-olds, but I do remember being one. Have you seen the Martin Lawrence comedy skits about growing up with a black mother, and she smacks the kid across the face every time she does not like what he says? That's what my childhood was like. My dad wouldn't hit me because he always got the daylights beaten out of him as a kid. But I got smacked all the time by my mom.

Believe it or not, I actually remember stomping out of my room as a two-year-old while angry at my mother, just like your kid. But that was long before I-phones, so I told her I had something to say to her. Then I said, "MOM, I HATE Y---" I never finished the last word because she smacked me across the face, probably about as hard as she could hit.

It sounds like horrible child abuse, but it seemed to work out as good parenting. That was the last time I ever told anyone I hated them.

 

[backbreaker]

i'm learnng on the run.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED THAT FOR THE MOST PART, HITTING A KID IS LAZY PARANTING. USUALLY..USUALLY.. not all the time but usually, if you put your mind to it you can come up with more effective ways to punish your child and bring hom the point. just hitting them is lazy paranting. there are times when they need it.. but more times than not it's just being lazy.

not too long ago around valentines day he had taken our dog's food and got the idea to just sprinkle it all around the house (we have an Alaskan husky). why i have no idea.

we have all types of pets, i have a husky, a pretty big fish tank of sal****er fish and I have an african gray parrot.

instead of hitting him or putting him in time out or wahtever I hid the dog in the garage/backyard for a few days and i put the parrot in my bedroom I couldn't nor was I going to try to hid the fish tank. and told him when he asked where they were that they ran away becuase he threw away their food. he cried and told me he was sorry and he woun't do no more. now he understands that he can't go wasting pet's food, they eat that, and with no food they will leave.

it was too cute, he looked at his mom and said "what we do?" so we put on a "search" and went and "found' the pets and he was a happy as a punk in a pen.

 

[sodbuster]

With a diaper padding his butt,you won't hurt him at all-unless you really try to give him the business. Just a word of warning-make sure it's an empty diaper-smacked mine once and had pizz up to his shoulderblades when it popped. The first time they get one without a diaper is a shock to both of you.

Each kid is different,my youngest got it more than my oldest. What would you do if your 2 1/2 year old kid was walking down the aisle in the grocery store,walked down his side of the aisle,met a guy[who didn't move out of his way],nut shot him and said"out of my way"? Trust me the little savage got one for that.

 

[penkitten]

i feel for you because i have been there.

ever waken up in the middle of the night to find your two year old son stealing your car and using a bat to try to pop the clutch all by himself? i have.

ever waken up at 6 am to find a chair with books on it in front of the open front door and the chain latch still swinging, because your 2 year old son wanted to go fishing? i have.

ever waken up to get a newborn a bottle and slipped through the kitchen because some time in the wee morning hours your three year old got up and decided to cook you breakfast in the floor? every pot and pan and spoon laying around with a dozen eggs smashed in the carpet? yes, i have.

ever waken up at four am and found your three year old daughter smearing your makeup on herself and your bedsheets because she's a princess? i have.

ever waken up to your two year old feeding the fish nachos and hosing all your living room furniture with the kitchen sprayer? again... i have at 6 am.

ever waken up to find yet another toddler figuring out how to work a deadbolt at one and a half ... because the front door is wide open and you see her little bear ass trying to check the mother f'ng mailbox? i have.

so welcome to the club...where it happens to most of us.
i have flushed so many objects of of toilets that it's a wonder i didn't become a plumber.. everything from glass baby bottles to perfume wrapped in a washcloth. i have had boys that pee'd on anything they could aim at, girls who have puked on anything in a five foot radius of them and learned the listerine disinfects the carpet. i have had children sneak waffles up to their rooms and ruin the carpet with syrup in the middle of the night.
i have had children set the carpet on fire just to see if they could pee on it to put it out in a brand new house while i was in the bathroom for less than two minutes. i have one child that thinks he is a mad scientist and mixes crap together that stinks.

laugh while you can, because you just can't make this stuff up.

sometimes i spank some ass, sometimes i use a naughty chair, sometimes i make them write sentences... but they have little minds of their own and little personalities of their own.
some children you can mold into great individuals.... and yet sometimes you have a headstrong one that no matter what you do, no matter what you say, they are determined to be who they are.

 

[DanelMadr]

I know he won't be eating ice cream for a while that much I know

In that case I would be very careful about your mobile phone and other stuff precious to you

 

[backbreaker]

damn penkittin.. 2 yo using the bat to try to pop the cluch... that's pretty hardcore

 

[penkitten]

so the terrible two's have begun in your house.... and the things that your little tike will do, may also be considered hardcore. i just want you to know that it happens to all of us. usually when you are sleeping in the wee morning hours after working a late shift OR when you take two minutes to go pee.... and especially if you even think about getting into the shower.
however, if you can act on your feet , you will survive and so will he... and i have no doubts that you will be able to correct him along the way, as you see fit to do so.
you see your child everyday, you love him and you know his mentality. you will see the things that he becomes headstrong about. you will have to react in different ways to different things.
and you will look back on all the stories of all the terrible things that were upsetting for a second, and you will laugh. and in the long run... you will be glad that you were there to experience them daily.