RAFC on Steroids

[Phrost]

Hey everyone, I'm new here. I got a link to DJB and ended up discovering this whole new dimension in dating.

Let me introduce myself, I'm rather good-looking, about 7/10 and the source of fun and energy in my social circle and have a girlfriend, also a 7. I may sound like an interesting person with a great life but the truth couldn't be any further.

Truth be told, I'm very introverted and a little socially reclused. I have to warm up to people before turning into my gregarious, interesting self. Needless to say, few strangers will spend a few months waiting for my "true personality" to manifest.

Here comes the problem. I've been attending this large city Cathedral for the past year. When I first went, I was a melancholic figure because of issues I was facing. That coupled with my initial shyness meant that I didn't make a good impression. As time went by, I was a familiar face with no friends and worse of all, they assume I'm just a loner and therefore need no introductions.

Now that I've learnt all this, how do I turn things around? How can a regular wallflower suddenly become energetic, ****y funny and an alpha-male when everyone else knows him as otherwise?

It's much easier to start from blank state than to become a new person when people know you as otherwise. I find it very awkward to suddenly turn from one extreme to another although I can, as I've said I'm rather cool with my close friends, but I'm afraid it won't be convincing to strangers who have been observing me.

Peace.

 

[Driven2Succeed]

dont sweat what people think man.. no matter what ur not gonna like everyone and not everyone is gonna like u and want to chill with u..

ESPI is right.. when ur mind is in the state where u are comfortable with urself and like urself than it really doesnt matter what others think.. it takes time and a lifestyle change. mostly its all mental and revolves around u having pride and thinking highly of urself..

ur not a AFC on roids man.. ur just a normal guy with normal issues.. ur a person..we all have issues and insecurities, its all in how u tackle them and if u allow them to defeat u and break u down..

hang in there

 

[Lifeforce]

Do you work out?

If you don't then it will help with the self confidence. Mostly shy/introverted are just afraid to show who they are in lack of confidence or fear of rejection.

 

[bauer_23]

Now that I've learnt all this, how do I turn things around? How can a regular wallflower suddenly become energetic, ****y funny and an alpha-male when everyone else knows him as otherwise?

there is the problem, everyone wants a quick fix. You dont suddenly become energetic, funny, and the leader of the pack. Most people don't , period despite what you read here. Work on being comfortable with yourself, and with a group of friends.

Being the one is just like being in love. no one can tell you that you are in love, you just know it. through and through.

-nerdy matrix quote, but it gets the point across.

 

[Phrost]

My question may have been misunderstood. What I mean is that, if I manifest my new personality to people who already know me as shy, introverted etc., they'd find it very hard to believe the sudden change.

I wasn't asking how to become fun, energetic, Alpha etc. My concern lies in making that change congruent to people who know me as the opposite for years.

As said in my earlier introduction, I already have a group of friends which I'm the centre of. I'm also using the techniques I've read on this site with new people I meet and the results are getting better with each try.

I can become whatever I want to be with people who don't already know what I'm like. But how do I change an existing perception of me as a wallflower to that of an Alpha?

Thank you all, peace.

 

[chinmi]

I know exactly what you mean!

The thing is, these people keep reminding you of what you were or don't want to be anymore and this makes change hard. The reason why this makes it hard is actually because you, like everyone, want to stay true to yourself. Noone wants to be a fake person.

The first solution is to ignore these feelings and change anyway (but this will probably feel unnatural to you and doing something that goes against your nature is almost always the worse idea).

The solution that worked for me is to make new friends. And maybe even distance yourself a bit from your old friends. This way you can start off from scratch. Then, when you have 'rooted' yourself as this new person (through your new friends), you can start hanging out more with your old friends again. You will stop feeling a bit 'fake' because you have already established yourself as this new person with others.


The fastest way to change is then by combining the two solutions. Change always feels unnatural in the beginning and it takes a certain courage. This process can be made easier by making new friends..

 

[Ace of Flames]

I understand your question, and as I read the other responses, I felt they were talking about something else entirely. Maybe you could have worded your question better, or maybe these other people just missed it? Who knows.

Anyways, I know it can be tough to change with people who already know you. They won't even give you the chance most of the time, already accepting you as the person you've always been.

I remember in one class in high school, I sat on one side of the room, with a bunch of guys that didn't speak much english. It was alphabetical seating order, so nothing I could do. As a result, I didn't talk much in that class, which is sad, cuz I'm funny and social. On the other side of the room, there was the chatty group of interesting people, including a friend I knew from my last job. But, they were too far away to talk to, so meh. I guess they got the notion that I was some quiet shy kid, or something. So later in the year, when the teacher didn't care where we sat anymore, I tried to break into that group. I was mostly ignored, but at least I could overhear some conversation I could understand, lol. It didn't matter much anyway, the class was only like an hour and a half, with lunch right in the middle, and then school ended soon enough.

I dunno if that helps at all, but its a story to relate to. If you wanna know how to make this change with these people, I can tell you it will be gradual. Don't expect a quick process. It can be tough to change people's opinions of you, and some people just won't let it happen. Stay on it though, and you'll be better off eventually.

 

[Phrost]

Thanks to chmni for the advice and AoF for the input.

I understand your concern perfectly. It's obvious to me you're concerned about appeasing others for your difference in personality, and, again, it comes down to not caring what your friends think.

You still missed the question and obviously did not read through before contributing. I will quote and bold your misconceptions.

If it was about what friends think of me, that's easy. I'll just leave them and find new ones. Here however, I'm trying to befriend an entire situation, and a true DJ knows how to turn around any social setting, not escape like what you're suggesting.

So what if your friends find it hard to believe the sudden change? What difference does it make? What can you do?

First of all, I wasn't trying to convince my friends. I'm trying to convince strangers who know me as an AFC.

What difference does it make? If my transformation comes across as fake, I'd sink further into the loner pit at a place where I go to weekly. If I get some constructive advice, I can salvage the situation.

What can I do? That's exactly what I'm asking.

If it concerns you that much, then go back to being the shy, introverted person your friends like.

If only you have read the thread, my friends were acquaintances who stuck out with me for a while and allowed my "cool" personality to blossom.