quitting smoking ... how long for a gf?

[muscleman]

So here's a bit of a situation. Been dating this girl for almost 6 months now (exclusively). Things are going well, except she still smokes. She's been wanting to quit. We made a deal (which she broke more than once). From what I know from her and her friends, she used to smoke a lot, like several cigs/day. Now it's limited to when we're out at a bar or at a party ... basically any social function where drinking is involved.

I brought this up more than once (whenever it happened), even did an ultimatum type thing one night at a party ("we had a deal, you smoke now and I'm leaving now" - she didn't smoke but she was pretty pissed). So now it's like a "game" almost. It's so damn silly. If we're out together at a social drinking function she'll try to sneak off or something or play it off like she didn't just go smoke (which is pretty obvious).

Thing is, I'm not sure how to proceed. I don't want her smoking. Ever. She knows that. She wants to quit. But every time we talk shes like "it's so hard you don't understand". In a way she's right. I've never been addicted to smoking, and outside of video games (which I was addicted to really bad more than once and still struggle with sometimes) I've never really experienced a chemical addiction.

So what do you guys think? Is it ok to let her have one now and then (like once a week) or really push the cold-turkey bit? I know that down the road if we decide to stay together I won't take any further steps until that part is settled, but I'm hoping she will have quit altogether by then.

 

[Obsidian]

aren't you supposed to start eating those nicotine gum things?

If she doesn't quit and it's important to you, why don't you just dump her.

 

[KarmaSutra]

So here's a bit of a situation. Been dating this girl for almost 6 months now (exclusively). Things are going well, except she still smokes. She's been wanting to quit. We made a deal (which she broke more than once). From what I know from her and her friends, she used to smoke a lot, like several cigs/day. Now it's limited to when we're out at a bar or at a party ... basically any social function where drinking is involved.

I brought this up more than once (whenever it happened), even did an ultimatum type thing one night at a party ("we had a deal, you smoke now and I'm leaving now" - she didn't smoke but she was pretty pissed). So now it's like a "game" almost. It's so damn silly. If we're out together at a social drinking function she'll try to sneak off or something or play it off like she didn't just go smoke (which is pretty obvious).

Thing is, I'm not sure how to proceed. I don't want her smoking. Ever. She knows that. She wants to quit. But every time we talk shes like "it's so hard you don't understand". In a way she's right. I've never been addicted to smoking, and outside of video games (which I was addicted to really bad more than once and still struggle with sometimes) I've never really experienced a chemical addiction.

So what do you guys think? Is it ok to let her have one now and then (like once a week) or really push the cold-turkey bit? I know that down the road if we decide to stay together I won't take any further steps until that part is settled, but I'm hoping she will have quit altogether by then.

Who gives a fvck what you want her to do. If she asked you to stop going to the gym and become a big fatty would you do it? Hell no. Don't try to guilt or coerce people into sh!t. One, it makes them despise you for making them quit something they enjoy. Two, you're not thier parent or guardian (although from your tone you're probably a goddamned Republican).

If you don't like her smoking drop her ass and find a non-smoking chick.

I'll let you in on a secret: Chicks who smoke, swallow.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

We all know smoking is bad and the best thing to do is quit. Now, you cannot force her to quit. It is up to her and will take LOTS OF WILL POWER. As a smoker myself; I know how hard it is to quit. I've tried multiple times to quit but the addiction is not easy to break. They say its just as addicting as heroin. So, the best thing for her to do is cut down. Keep herself busy doing things so she can keep her mind off having a cigarette. Help motivate and support her. Pick a day to quit smoking. There's tons of information on the internet to help her quit smoking; check those out too.

I'll let you in on a secret: Chicks who smoke, swallow.

I wish that was true with my gf...

 

[ducaro]

In a situation of wanting your significant other to give up smoking, its not as simple as issuing ultimatums. try a gradual descrease system.

how many cigs does she burn a day right now? (she will need to be honest)
say if its 5.. over a period of 4 weeks she should drop that to 3.. then over the next 6 weeks, she should drop that to one. from then on, she should make it a point to smoke only one cig every week... the even that one cig should be put out. alas all this theory... some smokers can do this.. some will just not.

basically, if she sticks to this plan.. there is hope. otherwise, don't waste time with her. Move on.. i can't stand people who smoke. i don't understand how they can live with their mouths that stink of crap.

 

[muscleman]

As I mentioned in the first post, right now she only smokes when she's drinking, so about once a week. She no longer smokes on a regular basis.

And you're right, I don't want to come off as a guardian which is why I quit with the childish ultimatum crap. It just pisses me off that we made an agreement that I would quit weed permanently (which I did) and she would quit cigs permanently (which she has yet to do).

She did bring up a couple points: we were both drunk when we made the deal and she's a lot more addicted to smoking cigs than I am to weed. On the other hand, the "pact" was her idea, not mine.

 

[theunflushables]

If she smokes, she pokes.

Anyways, you shouldn't force her to quit. It never works. My ex "forced" me to quit. I would just smoke during the day while I was at work, and before she got home from work I would hide all evidence.

And she's right, you have no idea of how bad the addiction is. If I remember correctly besides heroin it is the hardest to kick. It stimulates the same place of the brain as cocaine and heroin. Its especially hard to quit if you smoke daily.

Anyways, don't force her to do anything. If you don't like it, leave, there are plenty of non-smokers in the world.

 

[muscleman]

If she smokes, she pokes.

I don't get it?

 

[mpimpin]

I understand your point. you gave up weed but she hasn't completely given up cigs. If it really is that big of an issue to you that she isn't fulfilling her end of the bargain dump her. But I think its really something she cut back so much and only smokes socially. Eventually that will probably start to fade as well. If you really try to press the issue though she's just going to resent you.

 

[penkitten]

i am a chick that smokes so heres what i think ...
i think you got alot of nerve telling someone else what they can and can not do to their own body and with their own money.
smoking is not healthy, we get it.
the way i see it is simple, either take me for my faults or leave me alone.

let's be mature about it.

you have two choices, accept her for being a smoker or break things off.

she should quit for herself if she wants to quit. for saving her own health and her own money. you can not just quit a habit for the sake of making some one else happy and if you think it is that easy, try again.

here she is trying to make you happy by lying and saying she is not smoking when she sneaks off to do it... and you aren't happy. this has now turned into a game of control.

 

[KarmaSutra]

let's be mature about it.

you have two choices, accept her for being a smoker or break things off.

she should quit for herself if she wants to quit. for saving her own health and her own money. you can not just quit a habit for the sake of making some one else happy and if you think it is that easy, try again.

Ok sweetheart, how right am I:

Chicks who smoke, swallow.

 

[penkitten]

Ok sweetheart, how right am I:

lol
smokers swallow and non smokers don't.
its the pro vs cons thing.
perhaps i won't live forever, but my days are filled with fun.

 

[The Forms]

If she only smokes once a week or so when she drinks she's not really a smoker anymore. It would do her a world of good to reads Allen Carr's (sp?) book on smoking (I think it's called "the easy way". It's worked for a lot of people.

She's already pretty much kicked the chemical addiction part of it if it's only a social thing. She just still has this brainwashing of "I feel deprived if I can't have my cigarettes" going on.

A buddy of mine quit smoking because he was in a real serious relationship with a girl and she told him, "I just can't see myself marrying a smoker. That's just knowingly setting myself up for the misery of watching you destroy yourself." (even though I smoke, I can see the validity of that argument). It worked, and he quit (albeit he started again out of spite when she broke up with him. Then he quit again soon thereafter).

Honestly, though, you can't change people, and people seldom change. You can beat your head into the wall trying to make her the person you want her to be, but if she doesn't want to do something, it won't happen. Every smoker on earth pays lip service to the fact that they want to quit smoking. There's a big difference between WANTING to quit smoking, and actually doing the deed.

 

[theunflushables]

I don't get it?

It's from Family Guy. Lois tells Chris to date a smoker because she'll have sex with him in her words "If she smokes, she pokes". Damn me and my random obscure references.