Quite The Predicament

[A-Man2151]

Well there's this girl of course...I met her in 8th grade, and we 'went out' for barely enough time for people to know. Basically the only reason I am mentioning that is to let you all know that at one point, she may have liked me. But that was 8th grade, I mean c'mon, I barely knew what a female was at that time. I am in 11th now (a whopping 3 years later), and let's face it, I've kinda liked her since I've known her, and now that I am more mature, and can sort of handle a relationship better, I want to hook up with her again or try. The thing is...I don't know where to start. I've told a few people that I kinda like her, mainly her close friends, and I'm not sure if they mentioned anything to her. If they did, it's hard because I don't know what the girl I like could be thinking. Is she thinking, 'we already tried this way back when, and it's over,'...I really don't know. I probably should say that me and this girl I like are really good friends, so that is also something that factors into the equation. If I approach her sometime with the idea that I like her, will it affect our friendship if she says 'I like being friends better' or something to that affect? She is kinda shy around guys in general, and if I could just get her to loosen up around me, maybe that could help. But it's the question of is that just the way she is, or is she sending me a message that friends is all we will ever be...

 

[Howie Farkes]

Ahhh, oldest AFC predicament in the book. "I don't know if she likes me but I'm scared of losing a great friendship by telling her I like her."

Basically it comes down to this... you DO have to put it on the line if you want to escalate things. Hinting to friends that you "may possibly but not definately like her until you know for sure she likes you" comes across as weak and could be working against you. Meaning if she finds out you've been letting everyone but her know you want more she's gonna thinking "Why the f*ck doesn't he tell ME???"

And on that point - DON'T tell a girl "I like you, do you like me?" Just get her alone and ask her out somewhere - just the two of you. Take her on a date. Your actions - not your words - should be telling her you like her.

If she shoots you down - so what? Most real friendships are strong enough to survive one little misunderstanding. It becomes a problem if you can't just let it go that you won't get together. She says "No" - you say "OK, can't blame a guy a for trying". You then just go on as always and never mention it again. It's far more healthy for a friendship that way anyhow.

Any of that help?

 

[Tantric]

I agree with Howie...

NEVER tell a chick's friends you like her...they will DEFINITLY TELL her, and that's a BAD thing...

The only way to go further is to take the next step as it was mentioned...ask her out.

You really have nothing to lose...except a friendship...in the VERY UNLIKELY case that you DO lose a friendship, than she wasn't your friend, nor cared about you to begin with.

 

[drZaius09]

There's very little to be gained from a platonic (non-sexual) relationship with a woman. Furthermore, these types of relationships are not exactly at a premium; as long as you're not socially awkward you could theoretically rack-up friend after friend after friend by just talking to random women in a non-threatening manner. With that said, it becomes increasingly insignificant whether you remain in this *one* friend's good graces, when there is a pool of literally millions of potential female friends at your disposal.

This is no different than a sexual relationship with a woman. There are so many options available, it becomes pointless and tedious to waste an inordinate amount of time or energy on one in particular. I say when the going gets rough (or even the least bit uncomfortable), BAIL! Think of it this way: Let's say you're selling your car. You're showing the car to a potential buyer, but he's being a real pain in the ass, asking all sorts of stupid questions and splitting hairs over the price. Behind him are 50 other people waiting to look at your car. Do you continue to haggle with the first moron? Or do you tell him to screw and show the car to the next guy in line? I know what I would do...