Quite complicated...

[ivo archer]

I know this girl, I like her a lot. A year ago she wanst me to have an affair with her, but WE were both in relationships. She said she was scared of what could happen, so we stay friends better. I respected her decition. But, since a few months ago, she did it with another man, and this time she got away with it. The man moved to another city, I tough everything was over, but now she has ANOTHER affair.

She still has her boyfriend, He don´t have any idea, he trust her as a blind man trust his dog. But she has keep me arround her saying I am her only true friend. Nevertheless, she get sick in a few weeks ago, and when I visited her....she almost seduced me. It didn´t happen cause her mother arrived. After this, she behave cold and distant with me. But the next day was texting me in a friendly and happy way.

So, she has a boyfriend, a lover -the second or third in four months, and was about to seduce me the other day. I almost kissed her yesterday. We were togheter... but she was not in the mood. I don´t know what she really wants.
I would like to have an affair with her, but eveery time the "other one" starts texting her, she cut all contact with whoever is with her, and ignores you just to stay texting for about an hour with that person.

A year ago she has a BIG CRUSH on me. Texting every minute of the day, and calling me. But I did´n make my move, and now she hang out with guys at the back of his boyfriend.

What can I do to make her think of me all the time and make her forget about the BF and the lover???

Strange thing: she texts me everyday of the week. everyday!!!! allways. and she have allways a good time with me and is touchy and plays with mi hands and hair, but if I try to kiss her, she ignores me. But she keep texting me and she reamains close to me. She says that´s because I amn her only true friend.. but a few weeks ago, she told me when she tried to seduce: OK TELL ME THE TRUTH ...I think you never wanted to be just my friend in the first place... she was lying on a couch and touching her legs when saying this. But then her motther arrived and she was then cold and distant for about 3 days...and then she called as if nothing happened.

Again: What can I do to make her think of me all the time and make her forget about the BF and the lover???

I think she likes me in a certaing way but I cannot see the way to make her fall for me and out of her other men.

 

[Pierce]

Why would you want to be involved with a girl like that? With no respect to morals and what is right?

 

[ivo archer]

don´t know

I guess is this kind of thing as in: "she was almost mine, I belive her when she said she was afraid and we better stay friends, and now I feel she lied because she did it with other guys after her crush on me dissapeared, I HAVE TO HAVE HER"...

I´m aware ...she is not gonna be a reliable partner, and maybe I´m just looking for a friend with benefits situation or something like that.

I like her a lot...phisically ....besides that, whe share a lot of interests... A LOT.... she is almost like me. I´m not in love with her, she is not an angel, I know, but I´m telling the truth: we are very alike, we have very funny times when we are togheter, is a very strange relationship...and even if I am not her lover, we do a lot of things and go to a lot of places and she never tell her boyfriend she is with me.

If I stop texting her, she texts back as a madgirl WHERE ARE YOU????? COME BACKKKK!!!!! I HATE YOU!!! TEXT ME PLEASE...

It´s quite weird.

 

[ivo archer]

I must conffes

I HAVE mixed feelings about her..POWERFULL FELLINGS..

I hate her, I desire her, I like her, I love her as a friend, I care about their needs -she is allways sad and complaining about her lack of friends and how her family is a sinking ship- I think she has a serious problem with men at times, I thing she is a ego-drived gilr with no respect for the feeling of others, and I think is a gilr who lacked a lot o love in her childhood -the sadest time of her life, she says- I wan´t her to be my lover, my bed buddy, and sometimes my girl friend, despite all the things I know of her. I see her as my ideal partner, because we get along as if we were friends or lovers before we were born. We have this strange chemistry, and at the same time I kwon she can´t be a reliable person, and that cheating runs trough her veins. We have had arguments, I told her she has some kind of self destructive pattern and low self steem, and that she must work on her good assets so she can grow up as and adult -she´s 23, but she is so inmature- she has the face of an Angel but I know she is not one.

At the same time we flirt at times, we joke, we share... I want to save her but I know I am not her savior and that she is not going to apreciate that, and at the same time I want her to get caught cheating.. her BF is the dumbest man on earth. It´s so obvious what she is doing...

So, I want to marry her, be her best friend, have one night stand with her, advice her, punish her, leave her, hug her, ignore her... and I am the only one who knows the real her..she knows it. I have told her what I know...

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Again: What can I do to make her think of me all the time and make her forget about the BF and the lover???

I think she likes me in a certaing way but I cannot see the way to make her fall for me and out of her other men.

If you just want to be ONE OF her lovers and have meaningless sex with her, it sounds like you can do that.

If you're trying to make her forget about her boyfriend and the random guys she bangs, then that's just stupid. Very very stupid.

You can't trust her. And she's made it VERY clear that you can't trust her. Honestly, the only advice I can give you is to grow up. This woman's actions are telling you about her. Look at the evidence and think CLEARLY. Stop thinking emotionally. You're a man.

 

[ivo archer]

Ok you´re right

But how can I be one of her lovers?

I mean, she lives in 30 minutes from this town, she only comes here to see her BF -so he can think things are going as usual between them- down in her town she´s almost free to do anytyhing. Se doesn´t even have a phone line. The only way she keeps contact with her BF is by texting... so she can be anywere while writing OH I´M IN MY BED, KISSING THE TEDDY BEAR YOU GAVE ME, MY LOVE...

Texting is the only way we comunicate too.. we only see each other when se comes to town, but due to the fact that she comes here only to see her BF, it leaves me with few chances to see her weekly. Nevertheless, she insists in saying I´m the closer person to her world -besides the BF-The thing is: I don´t know hot to create such a situation, such a framing, so I can turn her into me.

Maybe I could be quite direct. Back in the days when she had her crush on me, it was her who made the moves: It was her who said she had feelings for me, It was her who said I LIKE YOU, It was her who said YOU CAN SEE ME WHEN I´M NOT WITH MY BF....then she ran away, scared, she said, a couple of weeks...

You know, this little angel, has been allways obsesed with the idea of cheating, of friends with benefits, of sleeping with a lot of guys without consquences... she said she had kissed only two guys: her only two boyfriends... but that´s not the case anymore...how it is possible? This is a such a shy girl...

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

But how can I be one of her lovers?

I don't know, man. You tell me.

You're the one who's talking all these "Almost" moments you've had with her. Where you've almost kissed but her mom walked in or she was in a bad mood or some crap.

Honestly, it sounds to me like you had your chance and you blew it. If a girl was into you in the past and you turned down her offer to escalate, then it ruins you in the eyes of the girl. Usually. Now you're in the friend zone. That's why you hear about all the other guys she bangs instead of actually BEING one of them. You're like her big sister that she gossips to.

If I were you, I'd probably focus on girls with less drama attached.

You know, this little angel, has been allways obsesed with the idea of cheating, of friends with benefits, of sleeping with a lot of guys without consquences... she said she had kissed only two guys: her only two boyfriends... but that´s not the case anymore...how it is possible? This is a such a shy girl...

Welcome to the real world. Women are sexual.

The bigger question is, why would you chase a girl like this? I mean, sure I'd bang her if she showed up at my house at midnight. But I damn sure wouldn't chase her around, worried about how she thinks of me.

Once again, grow up. There's no magic potion in her vagina. There are plenty of other vaginas with less drama attached to them. It'd be better for your mental health to devote your time to those.

 

[ivo archer]

one more thing...

oh I forgot to tell....

A few days ago, we have this conversation...she used to get almost sick at the though of cheating...once, she believed her BFwas cheating on her and she felt like crap...sad, depressed...confused...

I was suprised when last week se told me: WELL I GUESS I could cheat on my BF..I'm open to the idea since a few monts ago, I don´t believe in monogamy and besides that...what´s the problem with having "extracurricular activities"??? she laughed as mad....

So, she is now an active supporter of cheating. I know she has already do it. Sometimes when I talk about the issue she gets angry at me... hahaha. I don´t know, she was the one who put on a big CHEATER stamp on her forehead!

I have never meet a girl who conffesed so openly her disposition for cold cheating, she speaks about it as if talking about going to Disneyland... and belive me...a few months ago, she was a shy and conservative very reliable girl friend... what happened to her???

 

[Iceberg]

I have never meet a girl who conffesed so openly her disposition for cold cheating, she speaks about as if talking about going to Disneyland... and belive me...a few months ago, she was a shy and conservative very reliable girl friend... what happened to her???

Who cares? You're not a psychologist.

Stop wasting your time with girls of low value. It's ridiculous. This girl has issues and you're volunteering to be a part of them.

I hate to be short-tempered with you, but just read the damn DJ Bible and adjust your thinking. You're still living in a fantasy land where girls are innocent creatures and love can save the day.

Like the other guys said.....it's time to grow up.

 

[ivo archer]

Ok wait

that´s the strange thing....she didn´t tell me about those guys...I just discovered the whole thing because she is such a bad liar. Even when it´s obvious I know the truth and even when I tell her what I know, she keeps coming and coming trying to deny the whole thing and to restablish her goody-girl image in front of me. And she keep writing me as mad every day, but she never, NEVER, told me about other guys..NEVER...nor even about her BF, she texts me, she calls me, sometimes she wants to see me, but our relationship is 98% focused on us... and yes....ok... about 2% of the time she complaints about her BF and her crappy family and life...maybe 5%...

the rest of the time we talked about us, or personal things, dreams...funny things, movies...whatever..

 

[Iceberg]

that´s the strange thing....she didn´t tell me about those guys...I just discovered the whole thing because she is such a bad liar. Even when it´s obvious I know the truth and even when I tell her what I know, she keeps coming and coming trying to deny the whole thing and to restablish her goody-girl image in front of me. And she keep writing me as mad every day, but she never, NEVER, told me about other guys..NEVER...nor even about her BF, she texts me, she calls me, sometimes she wants to see me, but our relationship is 98% focused on us... and yes....ok... about 2% of the time she complaints about her BF and her crappy family and life...maybe 5%...

the rest of the time we talked about us, or personal things, dreams...funny things, movies...whatever..

Yeah that's great, buddy. Either way, the girl isn't worth the time you're spending on her.

There's nothing left to say. The End.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

Sounds like a huge Aw. I just dumped one. Trust me brah, they're a waste of time. You're already overly emotionally invested while she's spinning you for a ride because you're allowing her to...Snap out of it and move on! You will thank me later!

 

[ivo archer]

got it...

There´s this thing...because we have share for sometime, I have feelings for her...maybe the thing is SHE KEEPS texting me and texting me all the time and If i dissapear, she texts more and more.. and begs me to write her back, and keep saying I´m the only friend she has... etc etc etc

So It have been a little complicated for me to cut that kind of strings..maybe I sound too romantic, but when se begs me: PLEASE WRITE ME, PLEASE!!!!! I feel like a Son of a...... for not texting her back.. and as I said, our "friendship" is 20% real, maybe more..even tough we both know what´s behind it..

 

[ivo archer]

Or maybe...

I have invested such a big amount of emotional resources, that I have this stupid fear of loosing her...that's why I never got to made the final move, the closing move. Thinking she would get angry and then run away from my life. It´s stupid, I know...because the only thing I have now with her is a lot of friendly and stupid text messages that don´t do it for me...that´s what I´m triying to keep. Daily friendly text messages..

She´s not as friend of mine as I have been of her.. when she get angry at some stupid thing I say, she allways says: if i get angry again, i´m going to cut off all communication with you!!! that´s the way she is

I know, I give her someting tha other men don´t...sincerity and understanding and real caring for her...but it is obvious she have this for free thanks to my dispossition to be allways there for her...

 

[ivo archer]

and

I want her to be caught by her BF, is this a stupid thing to wish? yeap I want some kind of revenge....I don´t want her to get away with her doings..

 

[Igetit!]

From everything you've said,it appears that you're in the friendzone,and given the amount of time you've known each other and the way you interact with one another,I'd say the chances of you getting with this girl are basically zero.




You got issues dude. I said YOU. Obviously this girl is messed up in the head,but the fact that you seem to want her so bad given everything you've seen and known about her reveals some things about YOU as well.

I know this girl, I like her a lot. A year ago she wanst me to have an affair with her, but WE were both in relationships.

Ok,question here.....

You said that a year ago,she wanted you to have an "affair" with her,but you two didn't because you were both already in relationships.


So? She's running around sleepin' with everybody now despite being in a relationship,so why did that stop her a year ago? You say she's sleeping with other guys behind her boyfriend's back NOW,so why couldn't she do it a year ago when she wanted you to have the "affair" with her?

She said she was scared of what could happen, so we stay friends better. I respected her decition. But, since a few months ago, she did it with another man, and this time she got away with it.

She didn't have the "affair" with you a year ago because she was "scared" of what could happen. Nawwww dude,something was up.


She was scared of what would happen if she slept with you,but then turned around and had an affair with another guy with no fear at all. Then another guy after that.



So she's done hopped around from bed to bed with all these other guys behind her boyfriend's back,but when it came to hoppin' in bed with you,all of the sudden she's "scared" of what might happen.




Naw dude. Something's DEFINATELY up. My guess would be because you're friendzoned.

What can I do to make her think of me all the time and make her forget about the BF and the lover???

YOU CAN'T.


Look,she has a boyfriend. And despite the fact that she cheats on him,she still has allowed him to possess that "title" in her life. Every other guy comes and goes,but he's the one constant,and for whatever reason,that how she's chosen it to be.


Well she's done the same thing with YOU,only you're the "true friend".


I think a year ago when you two were in relationships and had the opportunity to "have an affair" but didn't,it made you seem different in her eyes. I don't think she wants to mess that up by having sex with you.



She calls you a "true" friend,and you sleeping with her while YOU KNOW she has a boyfriend would wreck that "trueness" she sees in you. She doesn't want to "taint" you with HERSELF because she knows she isn't "true" herself.

her BF is the dumbest man on earth.

Look who's talking.....


You say he's dumb because of what SHE'S DOING?

At least he doesn't know. What's your excuse?

All the cheating with all the different men is going on behind HIS BACK. With you,it's right there in front of your face.


You see the cheating,the lying,you know all about all these different men,and yet you say.....

I HAVE mixed feelings about her..POWERFULL FELLINGS..

I see her as my ideal partner, because we get along as if we were friends or lovers before we were born.

And you have the gall to call him dumb,lol? :crackup:




Look....you missed the boat. You missed your chance to have your "affair" with her. When she first met you,you were just another d!ck for her to hop on,but as time passed by,she got to know you as a PERSON.


And that fact that you didn't do anything with her while you were in a relationship most likely made her kinda look up to/respect you.


I don't think she wants that to be ruined by sleeping with you. If she gets drunk,but she suddenly finds herself in the middle of some type of extreme emotional distress,it might happen,but other than that,it's not likely to go down.

 

[OnTheWayUp]

Wow, OP, this really is a textbook case of AFCdom here. You sound just like me about a year ago with my oneitis for this BPD girl with a bf who drove me to this site.

To cut a long story short, the deal between me and this BPD girl is that we made out a couple of times while she was officially still with her BF, and a couple of times afterwards. The "relationship," such as it was, went absolutely nowhere. In the short-term, all it got me was rubbish grades in university and many many hours lost to day-dreaming about her/ thinking how I might get with her. In the longer-term, it has taught me that there are certain types of girls who are to be avoided at all costs.

Like in my story, this girl has you wrapped around her little finger. She gets her sex from some guys (her so-called "bf" among others), and gets off on the emotional support she gets from you, especially as she knows that you want more. From your point of view, the fact that you don't quite seem to know where you stand and the fact that she is so hot and cold with you is incredibly psychologically addictive. I know, I've been there- as, I'm sure, have many people on this site.

What would I do? Drop her completely, or refrain from seeing her as far as reasonably possible. AWs like these are, quite frankly, dangerous. What I imagine you'll end up doing is what I did: continue doing what you're doing regardless of advice you get from your friends (or SS), until she hurts you so bad that you see the light. You'll learn from the experience either way, trust me! Best of luck.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

Wow, OP, this really is a textbook case of AFCdom here. You sound just like me about a year ago with my oneitis for this BPD girl with a bf who drove me to this site.

To cut a long story short, the deal between me and this BPD girl is that we made out a couple of times while she was officially still with her BF, and a couple of times afterwards. The "relationship," such as it was, went absolutely nowhere. In the short-term, all it got me was rubbish grades in university and many many hours lost to day-dreaming about her/ thinking how I might get with her. In the longer-term, it has taught me that there are certain types of girls who are to be avoided at all costs.

Like in my story, this girl has you wrapped around her little finger. She gets her sex from some guys (her so-called "bf" among others), and gets off on the emotional support she gets from you, especially as she knows that you want more. From your point of view, the fact that you don't quite seem to know where you stand and the fact that she is so hot and cold with you is incredibly psychologically addictive. I know, I've been there- as, I'm sure, have many people on this site.

What would I do? Drop her completely, or refrain from seeing her as far as reasonably possible. AWs like these are, quite frankly, dangerous. What I imagine you'll end up doing is what I did: continue doing what you're doing regardless of advice you get from your friends (or SS), until she hurts you so bad that you see the light. You'll learn from the experience either way, trust me! Best of luck.

great advice, i agree with ya 100% :rockon:

 

[ivo archer]

well....

I know you're allright... but it's easier when you´re not in the middle of the storm...

I know that she is son in need of attention that if a stop texting her she would be drive nuts. Nevertheless...time es passing by, and she´s knowing more and more men and obviously her need of me could be less and less..I don´t know. You know, this girl has this particular thing...she has no real friends...every single man she had meet in her life wants to sleep with her -and this is a consequence of the way she behaves with men- and she has not a single female friend -"they allways hate me, I don´t know why"- when I meet her, I didn´t make a move because she seemed so fragile, so lonely about not having friends, and her tastes and hobbies were the ones of a teenage lonely boy -videogames, movies at home...she hates dancing, beer, smoking, hanging out with lots of people, loud places- and she has this taste for fantasy, science fiction and Disney movies...but she is a very cute girl...the cutest I have ever seen.... so I felt almost pitty for her, and I developed a sense of careness for her...that´s why I stay away from her...what and stupid man I was..

 

[Igetit!]

I know you're allright... but it's easier when you´re not in the middle of the storm...

Agreed. But people with common sense should have enough brains to get out of the storm and go find shelter.

I know that she is son in need of attention that if a stop texting her she would be drive nuts.

You say that if you stop texting her,that it'll drive her nuts,but if you CONTINUE texting/keeping in contact,it'll drive YOU nuts.


Look at yourself. You said....

I hate her, I desire her, I like her, I love her as a friend, I care about their needs......

So, I want to marry her, be her best friend, have one night stand with her, advice her, punish her, leave her, hug her, ignore her...

All that craziness going on in your head for a girl who...


YOU'VE NEVER KISSED

HAD SEX WITH

ISN'T YOUR GIRLFRIEND

HAVE EVEN HAD A SINGLE DATE WITH


And on top of all that,she ALREADY HAS A BOYFRIEND.



YOU GOT ISSUES,dude.

You know, this girl has this particular thing...she has no real friends...

Well look at the way she's acting and behaving. Who'd want to have a friend who stabs you in the back?

every single man she had meet in her life wants to sleep with her

Yep...INCLUDING YOU.

In fact,that's the WHOLE REASON you even made this thread.

Look,if she's attractive,then guys wanting to sleep with her is NATURAL,there's nothing wrong with that.

and she has not a single female friend -"they allways hate me, I don´t know why"

You think it might have anything to do with her trying to sleep with evey guy who crosses her path? What woman is going to want to be friends with a girl who would try to sleep with her man?

when I meet her, I didn´t make a move because she seemed so fragile, so lonely about not having friends,

And that's why you're in the situation you're in. You didn't make a move,so now you're friendzoned. All that stuff about her being "fragile" and "lonely without friends" made YOU turn asexual towards her.


So what did she do? She took her fragile,no-friend having self and foundt herself another man (men) who were sexual and romantic with her and slept with them.



This whole situation was YOUR CREATION.


Just because a girl doesn't have friends doesn't mean she doesn't want sex.

and her tastes and hobbies were the ones of a teenage lonely boy -videogames, movies at home...she hates dancing, beer, smoking, hanging out with lots of people, loud places- and she has this taste for fantasy, science fiction and Disney movies...but she is a very cute girl...the cutest I have ever seen.... so I felt almost pitty for her, and I developed a sense of careness for her...that´s why I stay away from her...what and stupid man I was..

You can't be Superman dude. You're trying to be her ALL,and women won't allow that.


You want to be her friend,her girlfriend,her savior,her caretaker,her boyfriend,her one night stand,her therapist,her EVERYTHING,and she just won't let it be. In fact,she can't.


The reason why is because the feelings and emotions she has for each of these people are different. You need to choose a role and stick with it,which is what you DIDN'T DO.



Instead of choosing to be sexual with her,you chose to be her friend because you thought she was "fragile" and didn't have any friends.

Well? That's it. You chose to be her friend,but when you saw her sleeping with all these other guys,you realized she wasn't that "fragile" after all,and decided to try to get in on the fun yourself,but it's too late.


You made your choice,then she developed the corresponding feelings that went along with that choice. You can't just up and change your mind all of the sudden and expect her feelings to change too. It doesn't work that way.


The fact that you've been entangled in this mess for so long kinda suggest that any advice that is good,sound,contains any wisdom or type of reason will be rejected. Telling you to move on will obviously fall on deaf ears,so all I can say is I hope things turn out the way you want them to,and good luck.