(Quicky) FEAR: There's only 2 we're born with

[md3sign]

People are born with only 2 fears:

-heights
-loud noises

That's it. All other fears are learned.

Example: you learn to fear fire by getting burned or scolded by a parent. As you grow, eventually you stop fearing fire to a degree - you simply see it as something that can be controlled and even used to an advantage. Only when it gets out of hand does it become dangerous.

Anything learned can be unlearned. This includes a fear of approaching women.

 

[L777]

To be fair though, I don't the 'fear' some guys experience when approaching is the same kinda fear as something like a loud noise or a height, which born out of the potential for danger.

AA is born out of the potential for humiliation, damage to self confidence etc...and I don't think one can simply 'unlearn' this. Personally I think that to completely be rid of AA, one has to be completely devoid of any insecurity they have about themselves, then the self esteem doesn't take a hit when rejected and it can be just shrugged off.

If you can tell me and others how to become devoid completely any insecurity whatsoever...you should write a book because you'd become a best-seller! Cos I believe that everyone and I mean everyone has something about their, body, personality, or something in their past etc that they are insecure about on some level. If not, they would have never have found this site.

 

[Charm]

Fear is rooted iny our belief system. Based on what you believe, your bodies nervous system becomes linked to having responses that reflexively mimic those beliefs kinesthetically. This means that a fear of airplanes means one that is flying overhead might make you wince or get nervous while flying on one. You can re-frame your beliefs or dismiss them completely with willpower alone, that is, if you have the willpower and believe you have the willpower to change your habitual ways of thinking. Then it is simply a matter of consistently changing that habit.

 

[danno1]

I used to be afraid of mice and heights
broke them both

painting 20 feet up or in a 15 feet deer stand really breaks your fears fast

 

[md3sign]

To be fair though, I don't the 'fear' some guys experience when approaching is the same kinda fear as something like a loud noise or a height, which born out of the potential for danger.

AA is born out of the potential for humiliation, damage to self confidence etc...and I don't think one can simply 'unlearn' this. Personally I think that to completely be rid of AA, one has to be completely devoid of any insecurity they have about themselves, then the self esteem doesn't take a hit when rejected and it can be just shrugged off.

If you can tell me and others how to become devoid completely any insecurity whatsoever...you should write a book because you'd become a best-seller! Cos I believe that everyone and I mean everyone has something about their, body, personality, or something in their past etc that they are insecure about on some level. If not, they would have never have found this site.

I think you slightly misunderstood what I wrote. The two fears we are born with (loud noises and heights) are, like you said, born out of potential for danger.

I brought up the fire example because it relates to women very well. Although you can never overcome your insecurities completely (everyone has them), you can harness and control them to a degree, much like you can with fire.

For example - I used to get butterflies in my stomach when meeting up with a girl for the first time and my heart would be pumping like a hummingbird. It still happens, but now I just take a deep breath and embrace the excitement that comes along with it rather than getting nervous. Ultimately it's all in your head.

 

[Styles]

This is a VERY GOOD POST.

See what happens is some sad and scared adults told us what is supposed to be feared, and even worse what OUR limitations were!

The sooner realize that our fears have no basis and are just the continuation of a sad tradition, the better off we are about things.

 

[squirrels]

A winnar is yuo.

 

[penkitten]

i believe children are born with complete love and trust.
i think all fears are learned from what society teaches, what your parents teach etc.
babies arent scared of heights, they love to be held and tossed about.

covering your ears to a loud noise doesnt mean you are afraid, it means the noise is too loud for your ear drums to take.

 

[md3sign]

i believe children are born with complete love and trust.
i think all fears are learned from what society teaches, what your parents teach etc.
babies arent scared of heights, they love to be held and tossed about.

covering your ears to a loud noise doesnt mean you are afraid, it means the noise is too loud for your ear drums to take.

Yes they are. It's been scientifically proven. Being held and tossed about has nothing to do with a fear of heights. You don't see babies climbing on tables and jumping off, do you?

Loud noises still startle and alert you. I'm not talking about continuous noise like a concert - I mean out of nowhere noises like a gunshot. For babies, it makes them cry.

 

[penkitten]

You don't see babies climbing on tables and jumping off, do you?

yes, my children were crawling up bunk bed ladders and onto coffee tables at 3 and 4 months old.
my oldest was crawling over to chairs and pushing them up to the counter to crawl up onto those and try to put things into the microwave at ten months old.he once put a pencil in and turned it on and caught it on fire when i had gone to the bathroom.
by the time he was 2 he was pushing chairs up to the front door to unlock the chain and get outside and would get into the car and try to drive. thank god no one was ever hurt.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

It's been scientifically proven. Being held and tossed about has nothing to do with a fear of heights. You don't see babies climbing on tables and jumping off, do you?

I never had a fear of heights. Even when I broke my arm and a leg, I was still climbing stuff.

Also babies tend to cry if they are startled...just go up to a baby and jump in front of them waving your hands around...

 

[penkitten]

http://www.alyson.ca/tips/parenting_issues/fears/index.php
Some children fear the water. This fear is very real. But children are not born with fears. Fears are developed when a child’s healthy and natural reluctance is responded to by an
over-reacting, well-intentioned parent.

A child comes into this world knowing little of how it works. As they explore, they encounter things that shock or surprise them. Their reaction is to be startled, not afraid. Parents often over-compensate by; reassuring that everything is okay, giving the child special attention, soothing with excessive expressions of concern, or cajoling.

 

[md3sign]

yes, my children were crawling up bunk bed ladders and onto coffee tables at 3 and 4 months old.
my oldest was crawling over to chairs and pushing them up to the counter to crawl up onto those and try to put things into the microwave at ten months old.he once put a pencil in and turned it on and caught it on fire when i had gone to the bathroom.
by the time he was 2 he was pushing chairs up to the front door to unlock the chain and get outside and would get into the car and try to drive. thank god no one was ever hurt.

I don't think you read that entire sentence. Climbing is one thing, intentionally jumping off is another. Yes babies climb on chairs and tables and what not, but they don't intentionally go to the edge and decide it's a good idea to keep going. That is instinctual fear. If not for that, we'd have a lot of dead babies.

And if you don't believe the loud noises fear, next time (if you feel like being cruel) you're next to a kid sneak behind em and clap real loud next to their ear. Then tell me they don't look scared sh!tless.

 

[penkitten]

http://www.psychresearch.com/flyingtxt.html

is this where you get everyone is born with fear of falling and loud noises?
because a woman writes to some guy saying "thank you for helping me on the phone about my fear of flying because it helped me" and he responds "many people are afraid of flying. we are all born with the fears of falling and loud noises, yoda yoda, now go listen to these sound files i have"
this wasnt a medical professional either.

 

[md3sign]

No, I got it from "The Red Queen - Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature" by Matt Ridley. It's mentioned in other places as well. I'll have to dig up his reference later.

 

[penkitten]

ok when you get it post it so we can go see it too.

http://www.parentworld.com/news.php?viewStory=2336
Inborn Fear
Humorist Dave Barry once wrote, “All of us are born with a set of instinctive fears — of falling, of the dark, of lobsters, of falling on a lobster in the dark, of speaking before a Rotary Club meeting, and of the words ‘some assembly required.’ These fears help protect your child from real danger, and you should encourage them. ‘Run!’ you should shout. ‘Lobsters are coming!’”

But kidding aside, Barry has it right to some extent. Although we are born with a set of instincts, our fears are actually learned. And what one person fears can be vastly different from what another fears.

 

[penkitten]

I don't think you read that entire sentence. Climbing is one thing, intentionally jumping off is another. Yes babies climb on chairs and tables and what not, but they don't intentionally go to the edge and decide it's a good idea to keep going. That is instinctual fear. If not for that, we'd have a lot of dead babies.

And if you don't believe the loud noises fear, next time (if you feel like being cruel) you're next to a kid sneak behind em and clap real loud next to their ear. Then tell me they don't look scared sh!tless.

but my kids were trying to jump on purpose. if i wasnt faster than they were, they would fall and bump their little heads. after bumping their heads a few times and me saying "dont do that or you will get really hurt next time" , they stopped. i taught them fear. right?
i mean come on, i can not have the only kids that were born thinking they were invincible right?
as far as noises, wouldn't it just be instinct to cover your ears to protect your ears rather than fear?