hi, I think I'm pretty good at flirting, kino, push-pull, whatever. But, whenever I get a good feeling about a girl and want to ask her out, I get scared and don't end up making a move, mostly because I don't have confirmation that she likes/is attracted to me. Should I basically just get over it and go for it anyways, or is there a better way to read body language and determine how she feels?
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
quick question
- Thread starter deer
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
War Against Betaism
Master Don Juan
Just go for it
jeffthechef
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yeh just do it...you'll never be really sure until you guys hang out outside of school alone....and if you have done that and still aren't sure...you're not escalating properly
jeffthechef
Master Don Juan
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"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
jeffthechef
Master Don Juan
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that's why you take a girl out to a movie, park, zoo, bowling, etc.deer said:thanks, that's very helpful. it's just hard for me to get girls isolated - there's not that many parties around, and i don't have a car
parties and all that are just to meet people or get it on
i'm sure you already know some girls
An escalation ladder is nice, but if you're too SCARED to approach a girl, then the problem isn't in the logistics of isolating her, but inside your mind. You need to hook yourself up with some Inner Game to GET RID off that FEAR of approaching...and here's a thing that has helped me tremendously:
You approach women to get their contact info, their number or IM whatever..so the outcome you focus on is getting a number. What this means is, if you do NOT get a number, you'll convince yourself that you were: A) rejected and/or B) that you have failed. So going for the outcome of getting the contact info will HURT your game, why? Because say conversation 1 doesn't deliver, you'll go into conversation 2 more fearful, more insecure, and you haven't improved = LARGER chance of failing than before.
I always say: why hold onto outcomes and beliefs that are negative in any kind of way and don't serve your purpose (which is getting better at meeting and dating women)? It's MUCH better to go for the outcome of LEARNING, and here's why:
- If you see every conversation as FEEDBACK on how things are going, on how your body language is, on how you approach them, on which opener you se, etc. then no matter what the response, you will ALWAYS win..why? Because every conversation gives you feedback: I didn't get the number but I DID manage to keep things interesting for her longer than before. So instead of going for numbers, go for learning, because whether theres a number in your pocket or not, you learned something..which makes the conversation a SUCCESS, a WIN. This makes rejection and failure IMPOSSIBLE, because you're just there to get feedback, and there always IS feedback.
- So after a conversation, quickly analyze for yourself: what did I do right, what can I improve even more and what mistakes did I make (and how can I prevent them)? Avoid thinking in: my entire approach sucked..and split it up: how was my body language? And try to improve it in your next approach. Then aim for WHAT you say: maybe you should be more picky, more playful, etc. Because a conversation is more than open, talk, close..it's how you open and the body language as you approach her, what you say, how you say it, what do you use to create attraction, who is she with, where, etc. So tackle it step by step.
- Stop making a big deal out of approaching, going on a date or anything else and START thinking from the feedback perspective: you are trying to LEARN how to meet and date women, and no student passed ANY school after doing one stupid exercise, NO exams at all and NOT even passing a class. So be realistic: it's just a skill you still need to learn and nothing more, throw that weight of your shoulders of thinking that you should get your diploma after the first trial of your skills. You're a student, and it takes time to learn that skill but you WILL..if you seek the feedback in the conversations and PERSIST.
Does that help you and your fear?
You approach women to get their contact info, their number or IM whatever..so the outcome you focus on is getting a number. What this means is, if you do NOT get a number, you'll convince yourself that you were: A) rejected and/or B) that you have failed. So going for the outcome of getting the contact info will HURT your game, why? Because say conversation 1 doesn't deliver, you'll go into conversation 2 more fearful, more insecure, and you haven't improved = LARGER chance of failing than before.
I always say: why hold onto outcomes and beliefs that are negative in any kind of way and don't serve your purpose (which is getting better at meeting and dating women)? It's MUCH better to go for the outcome of LEARNING, and here's why:
- If you see every conversation as FEEDBACK on how things are going, on how your body language is, on how you approach them, on which opener you se, etc. then no matter what the response, you will ALWAYS win..why? Because every conversation gives you feedback: I didn't get the number but I DID manage to keep things interesting for her longer than before. So instead of going for numbers, go for learning, because whether theres a number in your pocket or not, you learned something..which makes the conversation a SUCCESS, a WIN. This makes rejection and failure IMPOSSIBLE, because you're just there to get feedback, and there always IS feedback.
- So after a conversation, quickly analyze for yourself: what did I do right, what can I improve even more and what mistakes did I make (and how can I prevent them)? Avoid thinking in: my entire approach sucked..and split it up: how was my body language? And try to improve it in your next approach. Then aim for WHAT you say: maybe you should be more picky, more playful, etc. Because a conversation is more than open, talk, close..it's how you open and the body language as you approach her, what you say, how you say it, what do you use to create attraction, who is she with, where, etc. So tackle it step by step.
- Stop making a big deal out of approaching, going on a date or anything else and START thinking from the feedback perspective: you are trying to LEARN how to meet and date women, and no student passed ANY school after doing one stupid exercise, NO exams at all and NOT even passing a class. So be realistic: it's just a skill you still need to learn and nothing more, throw that weight of your shoulders of thinking that you should get your diploma after the first trial of your skills. You're a student, and it takes time to learn that skill but you WILL..if you seek the feedback in the conversations and PERSIST.
Does that help you and your fear?
Dirty D, that's really good advice, and I appreciate it, but it doesn't fully address my problem. My problem is not approaching or talking to girls, it's more a problem of just knowing when to make a move. These girls that I'm talking to, I already have their numbers. It's just that I'm a freshman, and at my school, none of the freshmen really go on one-on-one dates unless they're "going out." So I'm just wondering if there's a better way to figure out if a girl likes you without putting yourself out there and getting shot down.
jeffthechef
Master Don Juan
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get shot down...
why are you afraid of rejection? or what your friends think...
everyone is self-centered....the only exceptions are those who truly care more about others than themselves of course...but these exceptions are few...mlkj, monks, etc....
no one truly cares if you get rejected....or everyone does....everyone is intereconnected....so it's the same as for who to blame for a fight or for a war....is it the first two countires who start a war...or all the other countries who join in....it's either every country involved or none of them...
and not all the students give a fuk....
you're one person in a world of billions...while you're worrying about your reptutation..there are billions trying to figure out how they're going to survive the next day....i know it's hard and cliche to consider these people...but it's the truth...sorry, i was watching this video about the economic growth of China..and theyw ere talking about migrant workers from the countryside getting **** for hours of work, yet they smile and are happy about their conditions because the country was worse....
when you're about to approach the girl...just think about all the people who aren't as lucky as you are...who have no time to chase girls or spend their time thinking about girls....with all these things in retrospect, you can only smile at what a small problem you have...:yes:
why are you afraid of rejection? or what your friends think...
everyone is self-centered....the only exceptions are those who truly care more about others than themselves of course...but these exceptions are few...mlkj, monks, etc....
no one truly cares if you get rejected....or everyone does....everyone is intereconnected....so it's the same as for who to blame for a fight or for a war....is it the first two countires who start a war...or all the other countries who join in....it's either every country involved or none of them...
and not all the students give a fuk....
you're one person in a world of billions...while you're worrying about your reptutation..there are billions trying to figure out how they're going to survive the next day....i know it's hard and cliche to consider these people...but it's the truth...sorry, i was watching this video about the economic growth of China..and theyw ere talking about migrant workers from the countryside getting **** for hours of work, yet they smile and are happy about their conditions because the country was worse....
when you're about to approach the girl...just think about all the people who aren't as lucky as you are...who have no time to chase girls or spend their time thinking about girls....with all these things in retrospect, you can only smile at what a small problem you have...:yes:
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.