Quick advice

[CLOONEY]

haha, this is weird asking for advice, and especially on such a rediculous topic, but.........well...........this is not a topic I am familiar on.

OK, so one of the girls I have been seeing I actually really like. She plays the game, very very very well, hence she has kept my interest! Trouble is, this girl will NEVER initiate any of the dates, or NEVER bring up anything about feelings (much as I never). However, I have been told through mutual friends she wants to be my girlfriend. She would be a great girl to keep around for a while (especially considering the winter months are approaching here in Australia).

So my question is, how exactly do I go about proposing she be my girlfriend? All the other girls have given me the talk, and I have never needed to do it before. I want to do it in a way that will give her the least power , sounds stupid, but this is the way I do everything with the girls I date. The power game has been on for a while between me and her, so just asking her this will automatically shift a lot of the power to her court. Suggestions?

 

[Lost In Translation]

you must set up the conditions which will bring about the desired results

you make it so she feels like your girlfriend then let her bring it up

i don't know how to word this properly as i am really tired but i hope i helped you alittle CLOONEY

L I T in the place to be

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Lost In Translation
you must set up the conditions which will bring about the desired results

you make it so she feels like your girlfriend then let her bring it up

i don't know how to word this properly as i am really tired but i hope i helped you alittle CLOONEY

L I T in the place to be

lol, I have been making these conditions for months. She will not bring it up, she is just that kind of girl. She will not bring up or initiate ANYTHING if you dont put it on her firmly. And its not low interest level, all the guys who know her told me not to bother, she is impossible to crack! They just misunderstood her! She is just one of those girls that, for whatever reason, doesnt put herself out to possibly be turned down (probably an insecurity issue, or the fact that she has never needed to). I know what you are saying though, and I have done this for all my previous other girls and it was always them that bought it up, but this one is very very different.

 

[xblitz44x]

"I want to do it in a way that will give her the least power , sounds stupid, but this is the way I do everything with the girls I date. The power game has been on for a while between me and her, so just asking her this will automatically shift a lot of the power to her court. Suggestions?"

Cloony, I'm curious as to how you expect to sustain any sort of healthy relationship with somebody that you can't even communicate with. Relationships are hard enough to work on when there is communication, but when you're playing AGAINST her, instead of on her team, then it's just about impossible.

This is why I try to quickly destroy any sense of games in the beginning. When you set up a competitive dynamic and start ego sparring, neither one of you can ever get an accurate read on what one another is feeling. And how is that a healthy foundation for a relationship?

Here are your options:

You can continue along the path that you're traveling: both of you stay stubborn, nobody is brave enough to be the better person and put an end to the games, and continue "just dating" and compramising what you *really* want (a genuine relationship) in exchange for staying in this half-ass competitive dating tie. I think the both of us know that you shouldn't have to settle with that.

OR

You can be the one to lead the way and let her know that it's ok to express her feelings. Maybe she's shy, or intimidated, or experiencing the same exact thing that you are. Maybe she wants more but is afraid to move forward because she doesn't know how you feel (because you never talk about it). Maybe she wants to tell you how she feels, but is worried about how you might react (since from her eyes you don't seem to care as much for her as she does you). At some point, SOMEBODY is going to have to take a risk and lead the way.

-Blitz

 

[GrimPhallic]

I agree with blitz.
But also your thought process clooney on giving her the least amount of power. You will find that a lot of girls are like her (not initiating any of the dates, kisses, SEX, eye contact, etc.). Look at it like this, she is GIVING you all of the power. I am big on the power game too dood, and this is what I would do... The next chance you get, straight out call her your girlfriend (I did this to my current girlfriend and it worked great). This is what I mean:
(Just an example)
A friend asks you what you are doing tonight and you have plans with her and you are currently with her (or she is somewhere close so she can hear you). You should repeat casually "what am I doing tonight? I am hangin out with my girlfriend tonight, sorry dood, why?" or something like that. You get me? She will hear this and probably be kind of supprised. You just stole the power from her - all of it. She will probably come at you when you get off the phone with some witty stuff like "who's yer girlfriend?" or "oh so I am yer girlfriend now?" Just say "you are my girlfriend" or "yes you are my girlfriend." If she is interested in being so then she will say okay and let it stand. She might say "you havnt asked me yet" so then you should come back with something ****y like "are we in middle school" or "are we 10 years old." This should work to shut her up. But after you have 'tamed' her you should develope good communication with her like blitz said...

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by GrimPhallic
The next chance you get, straight out call her your girlfriend ...

It shouldn't be this difficult. You are overanalyzing. Let go of the power game if you want to be exclusive with her. If you want her to be your girfriend, ask her or tell someone else that she is your girlfriend in front of her. That's it. If she hesitates and is ackward, play it cool and let her make the next move. If she doesn't, give her a lot of space and live your life with others. She should come back and communicate with you. I don't consider woman for a LTR that need current therapy from me to get through basic milestones in a relationship. Relationships are suppose to be their forte. Too many women to waste my time with those.

 

[CLOONEY]

Thanks for the replies guys. Yeah, some very good comments.

Blitz, solid advice again. I definately agree though that she does not know what I want, because this is how I initially keep all girls interested, keep them insecure. I was even telling her about this party all these other models were going to be at, lol, that was probably going a bit too far.

Nyways, she rang me last night and wanted to do something (actually took the initiative for once). Then was real into me, the games were pretty much not there. Hopefully she is the one who is stopping the games. As for the communication part, I dont agree. At the start of a relationship, there are ALWAYS power struggles, you can have this whilst still maintaining soild communication, it is just a way to spice it up a bit without opening yourself right up and at the same time, making her feel insecure and a sense that she needs you.

She is going away for a while anyways now in a couple of days, and I doubt I will see her before she goes. Guess I will wait till she gets back, see her and lay down the law.

Cheers boys.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by xblitz44x

Here are your options:

You can continue along the path that you're traveling: both of you stay stubborn, nobody is brave enough to be the better person and put an end to the games, and continue "just dating" and compramising what you *really* want (a genuine relationship) in exchange for staying in this half-ass competitive dating tie. I think the both of us know that you shouldn't have to settle with that.

OR

You can be the one to lead the way and let her know that it's ok to express her feelings. Maybe she's shy, or intimidated, or experiencing the same exact thing that you are. Maybe she wants more but is afraid to move forward because she doesn't know how you feel (because you never talk about it). Maybe she wants to tell you how she feels, but is worried about how you might react (since from her eyes you don't seem to care as much for her as she does you). At some point, SOMEBODY is going to have to take a risk and lead the way.

-Blitz

Man, after reading this part again, it makes it a lot clearer in my head! Straight to the point, and probably 100% correct.

Cheers once more.