Questions, Questions, Questions!

[I'm Charming]

Hi, short time lurker, first time thread poster, nice to meet you all

Basically I've been reading up on this Don Juan stuff for a few weeks now, and I've put a lot of it into practice, I've never been what people refer to as an AFC - I've rarely put anyone on a pedestal or purposefully put myself down and let myself become insignificant. I'm a fairly good looking guy, minus glasses and acne - which I am working on removing, with a pretty wry wit and average physique. However, I've corrected a few insecurities in my body language and drastically introduced Kino - which I hardly ever used before, and I've found that it's amazing how much better people treat you when you lift your head high and break down those barriers.

However, besides all this, on to the questions:-

What I've noticed though is that;

1) People, women in particular, expect me to be an AFC, I'm always being asked to do something, which I usually decline and as such am usually branded as being "Lazy", now, I'm just wondering if there's any fine line between being in control of these sorts of situations and not being treated as someone's slave and just being a lazy ****? Greatful, if there is and someone can clarify for me

2) I do a lot of teasing and since I've started using Kino I notice that girls seem to like to try and push and shove me, so far I'm not sure how I should take this, I usually stand my place and laugh - going along with the flow, but is this a sign of disrespect or just playfulness?

3) At occassions where people gather round in circles I often find myself being blocked by another male from entering into a group, I have a friend in particular who seems to love to rotate the circle inwards so that he ends up with his back facing me, I don't like this and always try to become involved again, but there never seems a very successful way to do this, I dont find myself being hugely talkative most of the time, I'm always at a loss for anecdotes but I usually talk drastically more than unsuspecting AFC's who are allowed as such, in the circle, what should I conclude from this sort of behavior and how can I work around it, am I being forced out by another potential alpha male and if so, how can I change that!?

Cheers for replies.

 

[Wodan]

3. is the biggest problem, i get it alot back home in wales because friendship circles are very cliquey. Theres really not much you can do imo other than make new friends that dont do it (I personally brought my 'friends' up about it and they just became more covert about it), I even found one guy that used to do that blocking stuff alot to be pulling faces behind my back when im not looking as to invalidate what im saying (he had just introduced me to his circle)

Theyre using theyre slightly stronger friendships with the other members in the group to create a heirarchy where your at the bottom, regardless of whether or not you should be.

I conclude that all that kind of mentality is down to theyre insecurities and desperation, I mean how often do those guys approach a girl they dont know on a night out and end up in LTR? id guess never and that they only get girls through theyre social networking.

Going back to number 1, do these 'cheeky' girls see how your other friends behave toward you like in number 3? we know your not an AFC or you wouldnt be aware of all this stuff but you can get loosers that try to broadcast to everyone else that you are, via blocking you out of the circle and so on.

I really think that guy is not a friend to you.

 

[I'm Charming]

Hmm, I had concluded that this might have been the case, I've picked him out as having some pretty strong AFC behaviour sometimes - despite his sociable disposition. The other night there was a bit of beer going around and despite the fact that he says I'm one of his closest friends he denied to give me a bottle, saying he was keeping the lot for personal use, I concluded that this was a bit greedy, but fair play - he bought it I'm not going to snatch it off him, 10 minutes later a girl comes in he likes and he immediately passed her a bottle without a care in the world. I'm a bit loathed to stand for that ****, so I guess you're right there.

Theyre using theyre slightly stronger friendships with the other members in the group to create a heirarchy where your at the bottom, regardless of whether or not you should be.

Good analysis, again I think you've probably hit the nail on the head.

Number one really related to an experience I had the other night, where the other guy wasnt present, so it doesnt really relate to the same sort of social circling, however there was a lot of jestful insults from the other guys - I'm assuming this is a sort of male neghit designed to speed up some sort of heirachy, I usually take this all very well - I take a lot of it and give a lot back, I'm inclined to laugh at insults to show they're not a serious threat to me in any way, however, I was a bit pissed and so possibly lost a lot of my composure, perhaps that relates to 1 in some way.

 

[MotownMack]

1- Once you've got a little rapport with a girl, I think it's ok to do some nice things, that they will absolutely see as sweet. You don't become AFC until you do it too often, or too early.

I was out on a date with a girl who ran out of cigarettes. The gas station was across the street, and it was late, and cold out. I told her I'd get them for her. She loved it.

Later that evening, she asked for a light, and I slid my lighter across the table to her. She joking made some kind of comment later on like "Yeah, when I asked you for a light before, you just slid it over to me." (as in, you didn't light it for me) Obviously, this is a classic sign of a girl who expects to be treated a certain way, and is probably the same type of girl who you will begin to think less of you once she has you running.

I responded with something to the effect of "Oh, silly me, I thought running across the street to get you the cigarettes in 20 degree weather was enough. Now I have to light them.. would like me to smoke it for you too?"

I said it like I was kidding, but she got the point. I will decide when and where I want to be gentleman, not her.

2- Anytime a woman playfully touches you, it's a good thing, period. Be careful about the hitting back thing, if that was your question. Generally, I will pretend like I am going to hit them back or pinch them, and they giggle and cower at the same time. A slap on the ass is ok, dont get to physical with her and knock her over.

I am of the opinion that if she playfully initiates contact, she more or less wants you to touch her back in some manner. Don't waste the opportunity. Touch her back.

3- Reposition yourself so that you're in the circle, it's not rocket science here. Because people were mingling last night where I was, I had to do this a few times. One HB was standing along the wall, she moved away for a second, and I quickly stole her spot so I could lean on the wall. It's a dominance move in this case, where I had my back to the wall, and her attention then focused in my direction with little else to look at.

 

[Wodan]

Thats one thing i notice and take note of with friends nowdays, might seem minor as hell but if a friends not willing to offer you stuff, its quite a big statement. Its like he's displaying a lack of trust as if you wouldnt pass him back a beer next week or something, and giving a girl one instead of you?(rhetorical)

Its important to have friends that hold theyre friends of higher importance than girls, not only does it then not seem like your just a group of desperate guys wanting women, but it shows you can trust them which i think is really important aswell.

ok now going back to what you said about number 1 just then, I think this is a really important thing to appreciate which alot of people dont speak about.

'You bounce off your friends!' For some reason not everyone takes note of the fact that a friend influences your charecter, like hanging around with a really sporty friend might suddenly see you in turn doing more excersise even if you were doing none originally.

And so hanging around in a social circle where your not valued and constantly having that lowered value re affirmed with neg hits and so on really doesnt do you any good, I think it can be apparent in your body language for random new girls to see (remember theyre more sensitive and alot better at reading these things than us 'womens intuition')

Personally my way of dealling with that when i was experiencing it lots a few years ago was to bring it to a close, I made it clear i wouldnt stand for that treatment; actually explained to them lol that i could see theyre being pathetic and trying to structure a heirarchy where im at the bottom and explained that id happily fight over it physically if they kept bringing it up, because at the end of the day i know im not and I like to think that myself and friends are equals and that id like them to think the same way too.

They didnt really all treat eachother as equals after that but they did stop giving me neg hits. And now a couple of them are my best friends, in my case they knew i was in a new place unlike them and so they knew i was more dependant and in a weaker position socially because they were my only circle at the time.

Looking back on it now it probably wasnt the best way to go about it, Id suggest that if you dont want to be the lowest ranked male in the group that doesnt want to succeed with girls, to first start making new friends.

Secondly to begin weight lifting, if you reach a certain weight and it really isnt that much, you will physically notice from guys eyes that theyve thought nah i wont give him a neg hit and be so cheeky as to declare him bottom male of the group because its too risky

I put on alot of weight to get out of this situation but i did quickly and still felt like a small guy inside, but could see how incredibly different i was percieved by other guys, literally like being a different person when your personality is the same.

I think you will notice if you do that, that guys your just meeting declare themselves below you and want to be your friend, respect you alot more and try to be entertaining or whatever because your the obvious master of the 'safety' aspect of the group.

Also notice in the book of pook how he explains your attractiveness increases with muscle mass, i know its true ive pushed myself through it and made notes along the way aswell

 

[I'm Charming]

Motown, thanks for your comprehensive post - I had a feeling that might be the case with 2 and I was going somewhere along those lines anyway.

Seb, I've been working on doing some weights and gaining mass - stuff like that, definate difference after just a few weeks - that bit of extra strengh is always useful to help assert yourself over guys that naturally have a bigger frame, or so I've found.

 

[Wodan]

Everything can be taken scientifically imo

Keep changing excersises work a body part per workout or combinations like

chest + tri's,back +bi's, and leg +shoulder

Your muscles adjust and grow to cope with what your making them do, changing excersises constantly makes it harder to adjust and so more growth.

Also eating protein every four hours will mean you get all the growth youve just worked for.

heres a great resource for excersises even if you already know lots http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/exercises.htm