Questions about hanging out with an Ex

[Groverz]

Would love to some day get this ex back, we broke up about a month ago and we both need to work on ourselves a bit. I had some clingy issues twoards the end and pretty much tossed away my old friends/hobbies for her, huge mistake I know. I became a sap. Anyways, hoping to go hang out with her again and wondering what to talk about or what to avoid.

I have already made some pretty good progress on myself, started to before we broke it off. I do want to make a good impression and act a lot more alpha but I want to keep her guessing a bit about me.

Not sure what to talk about or if I should hug ect, I don't want to do anything to remind her of who I was, but show her more who I am becoming. Any tips would be great.

Also I am 32, she is 28.

 

[Jariel]

This isn't what you want to hear, but I'll say it anyway...

It takes more than a month to make a real change. My guess is that you're going to meet with her, run a bunch of techniques or try to behave differently based on what you've been learning.

I know you probably feel like you have all the answers now, but be honest with yourself. If you meet now and she sees past the fascade, then you won't get another chance.

What's more, you haven't given her enough time to miss you. Go no contact for 2-3 months (ideally longer) and let her see that you're capable of walking away, getting on with your own life and give her chance to wonder about you. Coming back into her life after a month shows that you can't be without her and gives her no time to really notice your absence. No contact is how you really keep an ex guessing about you.

 

[Skyline]

I'm in a similar boat as you, only this girl isn't an ex. Back when i was AFC i gained her attraction by unknowingly being indifferet. Once i got the hint that she was attracted, my AFC'ness withdrew. Typically afc stuff(clingy, lovey dovey, sh*t, major oneitis) i did until i found this forum(didnt actually make an account till April) and went no contact.

I went no contact for a year and 2 months.

I was improving during that year so obviously im more confident and secure now so i've been talking with her to test how well i can control my emotions and actions. So far so good, but the point is can you control yourself?

 

[Groverz]

You guys are probably right, I am still pretty clingy and still want to check up on her daily. The changes started a bit before we broke up, and she did notice I was a lot nicer but still quite clingy, an AFC for sure. 2 - 3 months seems like a long ass time but I bet it's right. She did even say that someday after we both learn more about ourselves we could look at getting back together, I hope she was not just saying this to be nice. But we both were going through a ruff patch and both are seeing a therapist as much as I hate saying that, just been putting off my random emotions for too long and trying to be a man and fix the **** myself, she was the first girl to get me to admit I was wrong, not an easy task. :nervous:

I'll go practice on some random girls for now I guess, already got a few all over me but did not have to do much, just drink and have a good time and dance and not give a fk.

 

[nismo-4]

I'm gonna bet a million bucks that she just wants to be friends. When a girl thinks you're a beta, her hamster will justify it.

I ditched all my exes for a reason and I want nothing to do with them. Once I drop a b**ch, she is absolutely dropped.

It's best to bring a girl with you to see this ex.

Case closed.

 

[Groverz]

Rather not just drop her, we have a ton of big things on common, one being not wanting kids, and she is a 10, hottest girl I have seen by far, so that makes it hard to walk away.

 

[altec]

Read about "No Contact".... even on other forums there is a lot of talk about it... Because it works... Not to get the girl back, but, to move on. Give yourself a time frame of at least 4 months and then keep pushing it beyond that.

My last ex, I decided to stop talking to her, we were friends before we dated and it was hard. Then, 4+ months after I ran into her at an event, and then a few days later another event. We got to talking again and are friends now but if I had tried to keep in touch with her my life would have been messed royally. I needed that time to realize we were not a good match. Don't let this girls physical appearance play with your head. You managed to get her and you can get with a girl even hotter. Just move on.