question

[HeMan]

hi,

hope everyone is well!

I am engaged and planning to get married to an awesome girl next January. she is chinese and I am American. she has been living with me in new York for 2 years now and everything is great! she is very loving, fun and a good person

the problem is she comes from a very poor family in china and her mum expects her to basically support them. the parents did everything they could to provide a good live for my girlfriend and now they expect a return on their investment. the mum is always hasseling us for money and its not always for basic things (ie food, etc).. the mum wants us to pay for her trips, clothes, etc. she even wants us to give her money for the wedding. she should be the one giving us money!

This really worries me because there is no way im going to be supporting her parents. I have talked to my gf about this who assures me she will only give a little money each year to both of them. it still WORRIES me because I know what the mum is like and she will probably put lots of pressure on us to give them money. the mum seems unstable and will prob use lots of emotional manipulation to make my gf feel very guilty in the future.

just wondering if any of you guys have experienced anything like this and do you think I am asking for lots trouble marrying her? I know I don't want to support her family as I want my own family one day and we all know how expensive it.

thanks for reading this

 

[Colossus]

I don't have any experience with that personally, but I'd just say that you are the leader in this relationship and you need to make decisions as a leader. Do what's best for you and your (future) wife. Probably allow some money to go to her parents annually, but not so much that it negatively impacts your lives. Hopefully your fiance isn't easily bent by her mother.

I think there are a couple guys here with Chinese wives (LiveFreeX).

 

[Tiguere]

Does your wife works??? Make her work.

Remember its you the wife and the relationship.

You and her must both invest in the relationship.

Giving up the vagina does not count as investing in the relationship.

 

[WoodB]

I lived in Asia for 18 years. Family ties are very strong in China, much more than here. Your mother in law will always play a huge role in your family life. You must expect to be part of a tight, extended family. Some Chinese families expect you to carry them financially if they are poor. It is just the way their culture works. Then again, if you do carry them and God willing, you produce a male heir, you will be lionized. Play the king well, don't piss off the mother in law, and by all means set the boundaries now.