"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Question how to act

ZaZu

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Hi, i saw this forum, on the book of pook and i wanted to registrate instant.

My problem is basically the same, my ex leaved me again like alot of people because i was getting a *****. My big problem is that my ex-gf lives almost next to me, 50 yards away. Now she told me she wanted to stay friends for the 3 time, but i told her i couldn't because i will still have sexual thoughts about her, i dont believe in friendship between a man and a woman without that and (we kissed in several times before, even when we were broke up). So she said to me, we will see about that. Now i didnt like that answer because i will then give her the power, but i didnt know by then, so i replied like a wussy, and told here we would keep in touch etc. But now i have learned some pua, ALPHA male stuff and i regret my decision so i deleted her for the 4th time without noticing her, fb, email, msn phone. Is that a bad move, without saying it again or not ? And sometimes i see her in my town, i cant get away from her because i live in a really small town and everybody knows each other , but everytime i see her i just ignore her, or she will come to me to talk, i always act like i dont care, and just act the same when i just talk to a old friend.

My question is this, did i do a good move to just delete her for the 4th time. And can you guys give me some tips. And is there a chance to be back with her ?

thx, anyway
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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AlexDP

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Personally I think deleting her on fb and stuff is a ***** move. All it says is 'I can't handle you'. IMO still having her on your fb, but ignoring her is a far stronger move. When you talk to her, see her as an old friend, because that's what she is. Getting her back? No way. Things have ended a couple of times apparently as this is the third time she said she wanted to be friends. Show her you're cool with that and just find another girl.

Most advise against it, but cutting exes out of your life can be silly. I can't say I'm still friends with any of my exes, it usually ends when they notice I go out on dates with other girls, but to be frank I wouldn't mind either. Unless the girl's a total *****, why not have her as a friend to have fun with really. Of course, this can only happen when you're over her. Right now, you should tell her, IMHO, okay let's be friends and then avoid her as much as possible. You don't want to think about her all day.

Do not, under any circumstances, get back with her.
 

ZaZu

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i knew it, i knew i did all things wrong. Ok just move on then, but i cant ask her to be friends again on facebook etc, that wil look silly right ?

I must just get over it, and get a new girl and completely forget her. And about one year, i go to a other city to study, problem is, she goes to that city to, and i dont want to go to another city to study because she's there.

Suggestions ?
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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ZaZu

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sharkybear said:
No.

She still talks to you because she feels bad, not because she wants to f* you. Get over it, or move out.

I want that to change for my own ego is that possible ? not to get back to her, one way to let her know, i dont ****ing care about her anymore, so she doesnt feel "bad" and i can go on with my life ?
 

sharkbeat

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ZaZu said:
I want that to change for my own ego is that possible ? not to get back to her, one way to let her know, i dont ****ing care about her anymore, so she doesnt feel "bad" and i can go on with my life ?
You cant help feeling what you are feeling now, unfortunately only time can cure that for you.

1. Leave town or No contact. If not possible, because she lives next door, she has to initiate contacts. When she does, dont ignore but be polite. Answer only whats necessary. This is sending cues to her that you see her as friends which is what you want. Why would you want to be with a woman who treats you this way??
2. Respect yourself again. Dont let anybody do this to you anymore.
3. Start dating other women.
 

SamTheHobit

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Getting an ex is easy if you know how.
 

mahoney

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ZaZu said:
Now she told me she wanted to stay friends for the 3 time, but i told her i couldn't because i will still have sexual thoughts about her, i dont believe in friendship between a man and a woman without that
You don't believe in friendship between a man and a woman? You have zero female friends? A lot of girls that see a dude that has no female friends would be kind of weirded out by that. I'm weirded out by that

ZaZu said:
everytime i see her i just ignore her, or she will come to me to talk,i always act like i dont care, and just act the same when i just talk to a old friend.
You don't act like you don't care, you ignore her, you tell her you can't be friends, you delete her from fb - these are the actions of a person that cares very much.

sharkybear said:
She still talks to you because she feels bad, not because she wants to f* you. Get over it, or move out.
Actually I don't think she does feel bad, why would she? She has no reason to feel bad. The reason she still talks to him is because its a small town where she bumps into him a lot, she's not the one with the problem, she has no reason to ignore him. She talks to him just as she would talk to anyone else she knows

She got over it! Only people who aren't over it delete people, ignore people, act like they don't care etc. When you are over someone do you give that much though to how to behave when you bump into them in the street?
 

ZaZu

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sharkybear said:
You cant help feeling what you are feeling now, unfortunately only time can cure that for you.

1. Leave town or No contact. If not possible, because she lives next door, she has to initiate contacts. When she does, dont ignore but be polite. Answer only whats necessary. This is sending cues to her that you see her as friends which is what you want. Why would you want to be with a woman who treats you this way??
2. Respect yourself again. Dont let anybody do this to you anymore.
3. Start dating other women.
1. i cant leave town now, but i wil.I just have no close contact with her, its not that i ignore her or something, i just dont want her so close to me anymore like on facebook, msn etc. And besides if we were still in close contact, we could be ****ing/kissing each other again, happend before and i cant handle that because i have still feelings for her.

2. I never thought to be this silly, pathetic guy.I promised myself never to get attached to someone, so much.

3. Did that but i still get the "shes not better than my ex-gf" feeling. But maybe i need to **** more ;)


thx for the advice guys.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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AlexDP

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ZaZu said:
1. i cant leave town now, but i wil.I just have no close contact with her, its not that i ignore her or something, i just dont want her so close to me anymore like on facebook, msn etc. And besides if we were still in close contact, we could be ****ing/kissing each other again, happend before and i cant handle that because i have still feelings for her.

2. I never thought to be this silly, pathetic guy.I promised myself never to get attached to someone, so much.

3. Did that but i still get the "shes not better than my ex-gf" feeling. But maybe i need to **** more ;)


thx for the advice guys.
Your date very well might be. It's just that you still have feelings for your ex and those feelings make you see her in a better daylight. You have to realise that the only person creating those feelings is you. It's not your ex. Hell, you weren't in love with her the minute you met her, you built her up to be the love of your life. Now demolish your feelings.
 
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