confusedstate
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2010
- Messages
- 82
- Reaction score
- 1
I’m at a point where I’ve dated a handful of women, asked out a number of women, and feel like I have a good grasp of the game. I also feel that my knowledge of the game is holding back from committing to someone, even a quality woman.
I’ve dated a few women that most men would consider in the 6-7-8 range (some would think higher, but none of these women were model/stripper/playmate/club types that seem to get the 10 rating)…and I noticed while there’s a lot less b.s. to deal with (for instance, the 6-7-8, while she is aware she isn’t ugly and that she can attract men, she is often modest about it, and her world isn’t based on her beauty or power and attention that comes from beauty) there is still b.s. to deal with (interest fluctuating...women like to argue about minute differences in opinions…and I’m not the type of guy to back down from an opinion just to avoid confrontation…yada, yada, yada.) You have to be “aware” at all times, at least until you two have reached that point where you’ve best friends and lovers, which doesn’t always happen obviously.
I suppose I’m also afraid of letting my guard down, falling for a girl, and her not returning the favor. When a girl is interested just as much as you or more, that’s great, but it doesn’t always work that way. Some women are good at maintaining their frame, or aren’t overly showy about their feelings. What I’m also afraid of is things ending out of nowhere (Which can and will happen) and then me being obsessed with some girl that it’s all done with. With my first girlfriend, I was close to overdosing on medicine (I sought help for it, my therapist seems to think, especially based on how I’ve progressed, that it was just dealing with that kind of loss for the first time.) Now I understand that just because you had something with a woman, once she changes her mind, it’s like you two never knew each other and she doesn’t give two sh*ts about you. But at the same time, I feel like that cynical viewpoint, along with the paranoia that I’ll spiral into a depression, is holding me back from what I really want.
I’m not a one night stand guy. I don’t even see many women that I’d really, really like to get in bed with, even in some magical porn world where women slept with guys for no reason. At the same time, I fear “going all in.”
I’m wondering how to approach a relationship of any kind with restrained enthusiasm, cautious optimism if you will. I feel in the past I’ve went all in (part of that was being a AFC and putting value on “having a girlfriend”) then lost objectivity and not taken things one day at a time. I’m also wondering, if it does end, and there is the start of a bad argument, how to avoid it from becoming worse and just end things on a pleasant note?
The good news if anything is that the past few dates I’ve been on (haven’t been on one in months though) nothing came from it and I didn’t care and just looked at it as another practice date, so I have the right attitude in that department.
I’ve dated a few women that most men would consider in the 6-7-8 range (some would think higher, but none of these women were model/stripper/playmate/club types that seem to get the 10 rating)…and I noticed while there’s a lot less b.s. to deal with (for instance, the 6-7-8, while she is aware she isn’t ugly and that she can attract men, she is often modest about it, and her world isn’t based on her beauty or power and attention that comes from beauty) there is still b.s. to deal with (interest fluctuating...women like to argue about minute differences in opinions…and I’m not the type of guy to back down from an opinion just to avoid confrontation…yada, yada, yada.) You have to be “aware” at all times, at least until you two have reached that point where you’ve best friends and lovers, which doesn’t always happen obviously.
I suppose I’m also afraid of letting my guard down, falling for a girl, and her not returning the favor. When a girl is interested just as much as you or more, that’s great, but it doesn’t always work that way. Some women are good at maintaining their frame, or aren’t overly showy about their feelings. What I’m also afraid of is things ending out of nowhere (Which can and will happen) and then me being obsessed with some girl that it’s all done with. With my first girlfriend, I was close to overdosing on medicine (I sought help for it, my therapist seems to think, especially based on how I’ve progressed, that it was just dealing with that kind of loss for the first time.) Now I understand that just because you had something with a woman, once she changes her mind, it’s like you two never knew each other and she doesn’t give two sh*ts about you. But at the same time, I feel like that cynical viewpoint, along with the paranoia that I’ll spiral into a depression, is holding me back from what I really want.
I’m not a one night stand guy. I don’t even see many women that I’d really, really like to get in bed with, even in some magical porn world where women slept with guys for no reason. At the same time, I fear “going all in.”
I’m wondering how to approach a relationship of any kind with restrained enthusiasm, cautious optimism if you will. I feel in the past I’ve went all in (part of that was being a AFC and putting value on “having a girlfriend”) then lost objectivity and not taken things one day at a time. I’m also wondering, if it does end, and there is the start of a bad argument, how to avoid it from becoming worse and just end things on a pleasant note?
The good news if anything is that the past few dates I’ve been on (haven’t been on one in months though) nothing came from it and I didn’t care and just looked at it as another practice date, so I have the right attitude in that department.
