I ask this question as research for an upcoming essay I'm composing. I have a longstanding hunch, based upon my two sisters who are married, that if you consider all the items in a house that with exception of a select few big-ticket items such as a car and maybe home theater system, everything in a house was either bought by the wife or was the wife's idea (and you paid for) and hence it's really the wife's. If you mutually talked something over, who's idea was it first? So, really, just how much stuff in your house is "yours" compared to "ours" (hers) compared to "hers"?
"The Kiss of Death Mistake"
You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?
Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.
One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.
Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Question for married men
- Thread starter Deep Dish
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
jophil28
Master Don Juan
The guys ' Speedos' are his - all the other stuff is her's ! (According to that dimension called 'female logic')
Unfortunately, unless you get more responses, a few won’t give you enough info to draw conclusions from. I think every case is different.
I’ve had a couple of wives, couple houses, and a few apartments. I have been a photographer so either my stuff was on the walls or I picked the art. I picked some of the furniture and they picked the nic-naks and other “decorative” touches. Pretty even split now that I think about it. I always picked the things that actually DO something, stereo, tv, vcr/dvd, and computers.
I suspect, as you, that most men leave the decorating to the women and men focus on functional items.
Perhaps you could do a poll, let people vote?
I’ve had a couple of wives, couple houses, and a few apartments. I have been a photographer so either my stuff was on the walls or I picked the art. I picked some of the furniture and they picked the nic-naks and other “decorative” touches. Pretty even split now that I think about it. I always picked the things that actually DO something, stereo, tv, vcr/dvd, and computers.
I suspect, as you, that most men leave the decorating to the women and men focus on functional items.
Perhaps you could do a poll, let people vote?
speed dawg
Master Don Juan
Women care more about decorations than men do. But by damn, my deer horns are always gonna be hanging in my living room!
penkitten
Master Don Juan
i already lived in the house with my children before my husband moved in. we went thru liv room kitchen and bedroom items to see what we wanted between the two of our collections.
the living room is filled with all of his furniture, tv , dvd player and stereo. my old furniture was given to the needy, entertainment center went into the boys room and tv also. my stereo is hiding in the closet. the family pictures on the wall remain there.
the kitchen : i kept the good stuff he had and gave away the bad stuff i had and i kept my good stuff and gave away his bad stuff. it made a good blend and looks nice. we plan to pick out a new table next year together.
our bedroom: i gave my old furniture to my girls and we are using his furniture and my tv. his computer desk is in one area and mine in another. he bought the dvd player.
the bathrooms i decorated before he moved in, and pretty much havent changed. of course, he had nicer towels so i got rid of the ones i had before and were worn out.
the shed is full of things that we dont have room for and dont want to part with right now.
hope that helps.
the living room is filled with all of his furniture, tv , dvd player and stereo. my old furniture was given to the needy, entertainment center went into the boys room and tv also. my stereo is hiding in the closet. the family pictures on the wall remain there.
the kitchen : i kept the good stuff he had and gave away the bad stuff i had and i kept my good stuff and gave away his bad stuff. it made a good blend and looks nice. we plan to pick out a new table next year together.
our bedroom: i gave my old furniture to my girls and we are using his furniture and my tv. his computer desk is in one area and mine in another. he bought the dvd player.
the bathrooms i decorated before he moved in, and pretty much havent changed. of course, he had nicer towels so i got rid of the ones i had before and were worn out.
the shed is full of things that we dont have room for and dont want to part with right now.
hope that helps.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
The answer, as defined by your question DEEP, will always be the wife. The reason I say this has less to do with the actual 'stuff' in the house, but the house itself. I've bought 6 homes in the ten years I've been married, with the exception of one home all, of these have been the idea of my wife to purchase. I forget who I'm quoting here, but it's still true,
If a woman would fukk in a cardboard box, a man would never buy a house.
To answer your question more directly, I'd say about 80% of our purchases are 'initiated' by my wife, but I am the deciding partner in our marriage as far as finances are concerned. I earn 75% or our household income, but even when I didn't my wife has always consulted me for any purchase above $100. That's how our marriage works.
If a woman would fukk in a cardboard box, a man would never buy a house.
To answer your question more directly, I'd say about 80% of our purchases are 'initiated' by my wife, but I am the deciding partner in our marriage as far as finances are concerned. I earn 75% or our household income, but even when I didn't my wife has always consulted me for any purchase above $100. That's how our marriage works.
KarmaSutra
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I concur with Rollo. Most of the purchases ( including the new pool we just ripped the yard up to have put in ) have been suggested by the wife. Though, I have the final say whether or not we have said item. To say that it's "my way or the highway" would be a tad misleading. A lot of the sh!t I want (but don't need) I have to volley for as well.
lee36044
Don Juan
Don't know about everyone else but for the most part .... I leave the personal touches to someone else. When married: normal procedure was the wife had a small "do what you will with it" budget that bought all the small "personality" items. Big ticket stuff we discussed and unless I just couldn't stand her choice, she mostly got her way. And when we divorced ... she pretty much left bare walls. Other than the family pictures that she didn't want in her new home any more than I wanted them still hanging up in mine!
When single, I usually follow the suggestions of female friends. For my part .... it's about functionality! I could live in that cardboard box as long as it had electricity and broadband net! (for work, not fun) All of my current decorations and plants were either gifts or came about because of suggestions from female friends or girlfriends. The few artworks and photos I have up are my own work but chosen by some female or other as being "right for that room!
So to answer your question, I think the females always influence all the little touches that make a house a home. Even when there isn't one in your life!
When single, I usually follow the suggestions of female friends. For my part .... it's about functionality! I could live in that cardboard box as long as it had electricity and broadband net! (for work, not fun) All of my current decorations and plants were either gifts or came about because of suggestions from female friends or girlfriends. The few artworks and photos I have up are my own work but chosen by some female or other as being "right for that room!
So to answer your question, I think the females always influence all the little touches that make a house a home. Even when there isn't one in your life!