question for introverts

[speakeasy]

First off let me say that people often confuse introverts with shy people or non-sociable people, it's not the same thing. Introverts can be very sociable and outgoing amongst people they have an affinity with.

For those that self-identify themselves as introverts, I have a few questions:

Did you find your introverted tendencies to be a major liability in pursuing women? Did you find a way to use your tendencies to an advantage somehow? If you have become good at the game while being an introvert, how did you go about it?

 

[Vice]

First off let me say that people often confuse introverts with shy people or non-sociable people, it's not the same thing. Introverts can be very sociable and outgoing amongst people they have an affinity with.

For those that self-identify themselves as introverts, I have a few questions:

Did you find your introverted tendencies to be a major liability in pursuing women? Did you find a way to use your tendencies to an advantage somehow? If you have become good at the game while being an introvert, how did you go about it?

I look at my introvertedness as a bad thing, but I'm developing kind of a James Bond type personality; calm and controlled, yet sharp and outspoken. When I meet a new person I try to be really alpha male and introduce myself FIRST, followed by a handshake with strong eye contact. I'm tall and dark (I'm a lifeguard so i have an excellent tan) as well so that helps because my height naturally is... alpha. I am starting to speak clearly and somewhat loud. In conversation I try to keep things interesting, but I need to work on making them more fun. I have to try to make them fun, it does not come naturally; yet.

I am somewhat annoyed by quite a few people, and I trust my first impressions quite alot. To get me to change my opinion of someone after a first impression requires lots of time. My first impressions and the assumptions after it are often correct.

Hope that helps.

 

[brewbaron]

I'm an introvert as well and yes, I'd have to say it makes pursuing women more difficult. Its not really the mechanics of it, in fact, I think as introverts we are more in-tuned with other people. But like DonS said, actually getting out there and doing it is a big hurdle. I, quite frankly, don't like being around most people, its draining to me. And while I know I can be the life of the party if I want, looking at it from a purely cost/benefit perspective its not worth it most times. Having said that, I don't mind going out with people I know and like, and just being quiet and laid back, but thats not really conducive to picking up women. I'm glad I've got a girl now who accepts my introverted ways.

 

[Vice]

I am an introvert. The most limiting aspect of it is just getting me out into the game. Once I'm out, I'm fine and have no problem interacting with men and women. I do better than average with the ladies and that makes me happy. But I do have times when I just think it is all just a waste of effort and I would rather just be alone than go out an put on the dog and pony show.

Same here, getting out is a problem, but once I'm out there, everything's fantastic. But when I have that feeling of wasted time I do something to improve myself, such as work out, and organize my music collection on my computer (12,000+ songs).

Before I was more self-aware of my introversion, it was a liability. But now that I'm cool with it, it comes across to women as somewhat mysterious; stoic; also they tend to feel compelled to qualifying themselves to me as I must throw off a judgemental vibe. I'm not sure on that one, but it is something.

I've also embraced my introversion, and women do the same thing with me! They qualify themselves quite alot. I must also have a judgemental vibe, but I'm trying to cool it down a bit so I'm more friendly. But I'm often told that I'm very mysterious, and that's always a good thing. It keeps them interested.

 

[orly]

Introvert? Yes.
Shy? Probably?

I am extremely sociable with people already in my social circle, or people I just "click" with (i.e. common interests or whatever).

People I don't know, I'm not very open with, and don't really speak up much.

I think I mentally classify people into two categories - people with whom I always watch what I say/act with, and people with whom I just go out and say/do whatever.

The problem is almost every girl tends to end up in the first category. For that matter, most guys end up in there too.

The people in the second category are people with whom I've made some kind of connection with; and I find it difficult to make that kind of connection with most women. I think it has to do with emotion (women) vs. logic (me).

Take, as one very simple example, something both men and women can find common interest in. Music. Most girls (and guys?) like the emotions generated by music, whereas my interest is more in things like what instruments are used, how they're arranged, etc.

Yes, I consider it a severe liability.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Yeah its a liability. It helps with other areas of my life but not in social interactions.

I try to associate myself with as many extroverts as possible. It rubs off after awhile, and I can do the same. I hate talking to other introverts.


I also tend to be very quiet. Most of the time because people bore me. When I go to parties, sometimes people say "hey I had a great time, lets do that again" and etc. but I have no idea what the hell they are talking about.

I usually just fake interest, and try to make conversation with acquaintances and strangers just for the hell of it. I pretend to myself that I want to hear what this person is talking about. Usually it works out pretty well. Its the opposite with people I know very well.

I also tend to be very analytical about everything. I'm not sure if its related.



But yeah. If you're an introvert. Find some extroverts to hang out with.

 

[Darth]

I am an introvert too, and in some ways it's a good thing, but I do wish I was more naturally outgoing. It's definitely a problem.

The dark side of being introverted is that often we tend to be really interested in ourselves rather than other people. Being social for a long period of time almost always feels like work.

The big thing I'm working on now is becoming truly interested in other people and finding interesting things about them. I think that's the key.

But yeah, oddly enough I hang with mostly extroverts. Go figure...

 

[orly]

Being social for a long period of time almost always feels like work.

One thing I've heard is that extroverts gain energy socializing, while introverts expend energy socializing.

I'm not an extrovert, so I can't comment about the first part, but I definitely agree with the second.

 

[Solomon]

My best friend is an introvert, and asks semi-shy around chicks
but give him some liquor and he is the friggin life of the party

 

[Alle_Gory]

Being social for a long period of time almost always feels like work.

I thought so too. Sometimes I actually enjoy the interaction and it gives me the energy to become extroverted. Not usually, but its been an improvement for me.

I think introversion is more of a force of habit than anything. Environmental conditioning.

 

[oakraiderz2]

One thing I've heard is that extroverts gain energy socializing, while introverts expend energy socializing.

I'm not an extrovert, so I can't comment about the first part, but I definitely agree with the second.

I would definately agree. Its weird for me cause sometimes i like talking to people and it makes me a little energetic, but there are other times when after prolonged socializing or any at all sucks the life out of me. I usually always need sometime to myself just to chill and be by myself.