Question for Harry Wilmington (primarily)

[skinnyguy]

I know that you have a podcast about how to "keep" a woman, so I wanted to ask you this.

I have this HB 7 who is quite interested in me. Now, we haven't hooked up or even kissed yet. We have an insane amount of things in common (she even likes basketball!) and our conversation is effortless. Do you advocate for a hard/aggressive approach with her, or a more laid back approach that makes me look more chill?

I am looking to have something long term with her. She is not a ONS slvt by any means.

 

[Maximus Rex]

Answer This Question

How do you think you should proceed and state your reason as to why this is the best course of action. BTW, take ole girl off the pedestal.

 

[adam225]

Non of this "game" stuff is ever needed - it's for weak men, and weak men only. You need to be yourself dude, it's really that simple. There's no need to try and impress her or trap her into a false relationship - just be you. All what these "games" do is turn you into a fraud in which soon or later you'll pay the price for (and end up getting hurt which will damage your self esteem and confidence).

If you don't feel 100% comfortable being you then you need to work on you more. Honestly, if you want to live a happy and honest life then there's no other way.

Good luck

 

[skinnyguy]

Rex - who said I have her on a pedestal. Just because I want a relationship with her and not just a fvck, I'm pedestalizing? That's failed SOS theory which leads many men to become jaded. It's ok to have a gf once in a while. I never said I wouldn't see other women still. My game plan is to probably initiate physical stuff but also find out more about her likes/dislikes.

Adam - the thing is, I am totally myself with her, which is why I'm almost sure she won't be a flake. A lot of guys make the mistake of going for chicks who are low IL and then they have to game the girl in order to get them. With this girl I don't need to, she likes me exactly the way I am. I'm just wondering how to turn it into something sexual, because I'm so freaking used to dealing with dumb chicks and not girls like her (she's actually smarter than me).

 

[3agle 3yes]

...I have this HB 7 who is quite interested in me. Now, we haven't hooked up or even kissed yet. We have an insane amount of things in common (she even likes basketball!) and our conversation is effortless...

I find it interesting that not once in your post did you ever say you find her physically attractive (you even think she's just a 7). What I quoted above suggests you two are friends.

IMO there are only three things you can be to a women.

If you are her friend you can't be her lover, if you are her lover you can't be her friend and if you foolishly attempt to be both you'll be her b*tch.

 

[skinnyguy]

I find it interesting that not once in your post did you ever say you find her physically attractive (you even think she's just a 7). What I quoted above suggests you two are friends.

IMO there are only three things you can be to a women.

If you are her friend you can't be her lover, if you are her lover you can't be her friend and if you foolishly attempt to be both you'll be her b*tch.

I know. She is really cute although she's not hot like that HB you see at the club wearing the tight dress and stilettos. 7 is still phuckable in my book.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I know that you have a podcast about how to "keep" a woman, so I wanted to ask you this.

I have this HB 7 who is quite interested in me. Now, we haven't hooked up or even kissed yet. We have an insane amount of things in common (she even likes basketball!) and our conversation is effortless. Do you advocate for a hard/aggressive approach with her, or a more laid back approach that makes me look more chill?

I am looking to have something long term with her. She is not a ONS slvt by any means.

Well, it's certainly nice to come on SoSuave and see a post from someone directly asking me for advice, so thanks!

In answer to your question: how do you know she's interested in you? What signals has she been throwing your way that would indicate she has interest in you beyond what you two are doing now? Does she do light touching when talking to you? Does she give you those "I want you" stares? The fact that she has conversations with you and has things in common with you is great, but those things don't always mean she wants you in a romantic way - let's face it, women like to talk ALL THE TIME, and plenty of women go out with guys who don't have the same likes as she does.

I don't know what a "hard/aggressive" approach is - I'm assuming it would be one where you just ask her out mercilessly until she agrees reluctantly to go out with you. If that's the case, I do NOT recommend that. Assuming that what you're saying is true - that she's "quite interested" in you - the simplest way is the best way to go: Find something fun to do, see if she wants to go, then look for signals on the date from her indicating she's wanting you to escalate. It's a pretty simple formula, but one I use quite successfully. Each step you take should help you to decide how much further to proceed. For example:

STEP ONE: You ask her out to a new restaurant that just opened up in town
IF SHE SAYS YES: Proceed to step 2
IF SHE SAYS NO (or something equivalent to it): Game over

STEP TWO: You give her 2 times to meet up - "Great! Which day would work best, Tuesday or Thursday?"
IF SHE AGREES TO ONE OF THE DAYS: Proceed to step 3
IF SHE CAN'T GO ON THE SUGGESTED DAYS BUT SUGGEST AN ALTERNATIVE DAY: Proceed to step 3
IF SHE CAN'T GO ON THE SUGGESTED DAYS BUT DOESN'T SUGGEST AN ALTERNATIVE DAY: Game over

STEP 3: On the day of the date, you show up at the agreed upon place at the agreed upon time
IF SHE SHOWS UP: Proceed to step 4
IF SHE SHOWS UP BETWEEN 0 TO 15 MINUTES LATE: Proceed to step 4
IF SHE DOESN'T SHOW UP: Game over

STEP 4: You're now on the date with her having conversations. But really, you're looking for things from her that would give indications she likes you.
IF SHE "INNOCENTLY" TOUCHES YOU WHILE TELLING A STORY OR WALKING NEXT TO YOU: She likes you
IF SHE'S CONSTANTLY ASKING YOU QUESTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF: She likes you
IF SHE MENTIONS FUTURE EVENTS YOU TWO SHOULD DO TOGETHER: She likes you
IF SHE COMPLIMENTS YOU IN ANY WAY - LOOKS, AMBITION, CHOICE OF DATE LOCATION, ETC.: She likes you
IF SHE MAKES ANY SEXUAL INNUENDOS: She likes you

BUT...

IF SHE'S LOOKING AROUND ALOT: Game over
IF SHE'S CONSTANTLY CHECKING HER PHONE: Game over (or bad etiquette)
IF SHE'S GIVING YOU ONE OR TWO WORD ANSWERS: Game over
IF SHE'S NOT TOUCHING YOU OR TRYING TO WALK CLOSE TO YOU: Game over
IF SHE'S USING PHRASES LIKE "HEY BUDDY" OR "YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND": Game over, and don't pay for her meal, lol

STEP 5: At the end of the night, you give her a hug, then go in for the kiss (this method is the easiest way to get the kiss since you're already near her face after the hug).
IF SHE GIVES YOU THE CHEEK OR DEFLECTS YOU IN ANY WAY: Game over
IF SHE ALLOWS YOU TO KISS HER: Congratulations, you've got a winner!

Hope this helps!

 

[skinnyguy]

Well, it's certainly nice to come on SoSuave and see a post from someone directly asking me for advice, so thanks!

In answer to your question: how do you know she's interested in you? What signals has she been throwing your way that would indicate she has interest in you beyond what you two are doing now? Does she do light touching when talking to you? Does she give you those "I want you" stares? The fact that she has conversations with you and has things in common with you is great, but those things don't always mean she wants you in a romantic way - let's face it, women like to talk ALL THE TIME, and plenty of women go out with guys who don't have the same likes as she does.

I don't know what a "hard/aggressive" approach is - I'm assuming it would be one where you just ask her out mercilessly until she agrees reluctantly to go out with you. If that's the case, I do NOT recommend that. Assuming that what you're saying is true - that she's "quite interested" in you - the simplest way is the best way to go: Find something fun to do, see if she wants to go, then look for signals on the date from her indicating she's wanting you to escalate. It's a pretty simple formula, but one I use quite successfully. Each step you take should help you to decide how much further to proceed. For example:

STEP ONE: You ask her out to a new restaurant that just opened up in town
IF SHE SAYS YES: Proceed to step 2
IF SHE SAYS NO (or something equivalent to it): Game over

STEP TWO: You give her 2 times to meet up - "Great! Which day would work best, Tuesday or Thursday?"
IF SHE AGREES TO ONE OF THE DAYS: Proceed to step 3
IF SHE CAN'T GO ON THE SUGGESTED DAYS BUT SUGGEST AN ALTERNATIVE DAY: Proceed to step 3
IF SHE CAN'T GO ON THE SUGGESTED DAYS BUT DOESN'T SUGGEST AN ALTERNATIVE DAY: Game over

STEP 3: On the day of the date, you show up at the agreed upon place at the agreed upon time
IF SHE SHOWS UP: Proceed to step 4
IF SHE SHOWS UP BETWEEN 0 TO 15 MINUTES LATE: Proceed to step 4
IF SHE DOESN'T SHOW UP: Game over

STEP 4: You're now on the date with her having conversations. But really, you're looking for things from her that would give indications she likes you.
IF SHE "INNOCENTLY" TOUCHES YOU WHILE TELLING A STORY OR WALKING NEXT TO YOU: She likes you
IF SHE'S CONSTANTLY ASKING YOU QUESTIONS ABOUT YOURSELF: She likes you
IF SHE MENTIONS FUTURE EVENTS YOU TWO SHOULD DO TOGETHER: She likes you
IF SHE COMPLIMENTS YOU IN ANY WAY - LOOKS, AMBITION, CHOICE OF DATE LOCATION, ETC.: She likes you
IF SHE MAKES ANY SEXUAL INNUENDOS: She likes you

BUT...

IF SHE'S LOOKING AROUND ALOT: Game over
IF SHE'S CONSTANTLY CHECKING HER PHONE: Game over (or bad etiquette)
IF SHE'S GIVING YOU ONE OR TWO WORD ANSWERS: Game over
IF SHE'S NOT TOUCHING YOU OR TRYING TO WALK CLOSE TO YOU: Game over
IF SHE'S USING PHRASES LIKE "HEY BUDDY" OR "YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND": Game over, and don't pay for her meal, lol

STEP 5: At the end of the night, you give her a hug, then go in for the kiss (this method is the easiest way to get the kiss since you're already near her face after the hug).
IF SHE GIVES YOU THE CHEEK OR DEFLECTS YOU IN ANY WAY: Game over
IF SHE ALLOWS YOU TO KISS HER: Congratulations, you've got a winner!

Hope this helps!

Thanks HW.

The good news is that she was asking me questions about myself which I took as a interest of IL. This rarely happens to me but we had so much chemistry that it just took off. But then again, since we haven't been in bed together, I can't jump to conclusions yet.

The situation is almost ideal for me. She's a college student at UCLA (studying the same thing I studied in undergrad), but she comes up to the Bay almost every weekend. I figured I could see her whenever she's up here while still seeing 3-4 other women. Last time I saw her she said "I'll be here this summer, we should hang out".

Then there's this HB 9 I met while in Mexico. She lives in Hoboken, NJ. Obviously, this is a very far distance but I want to keep in contact with her. She texted me her num and gave me her FB. How would you proceed with that without becoming a FB orbiter? I know she travels a lot with her friend…Miami, Texas, etc. I asked her if she's been to Cali before and she said no. I'm pretty sure she's single.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

To be honest, I'm not really a fan of long-distance relationships - been there, tried that, totally not worth it. Plus, if she's in Jersey, the odds of her heading out to Oakland solely for the purposes of hooking up with you are slim to none - especially if she's as hot as you say she is, she'd be more likely to find someone in her town to bang. With that said, if you want her to keep you on the radar, no need to become an FB orbiter - just hit her up once a month to catch up, and jokingly mention during these convos "Man, this sunny weather out here in Cali is great! Bet u wish u were out this way!" or "hmm, you should head out here soon before the earthquakes turn my city into an island!" Just stuff to let her know you'd like her to visit, but no need to hit her up so frequently or sound like you're begging.