Question about your concept of IL

[GameOfNoGame]

I've just noticed that a common attitude is that it's not worth persuing someone whom you're interested in if they don't immediately show signs of "high IL" in return. That it's just a waste of time because that will never change.

Is it really true & is it really such a mistake? I can think of plenty of women I've met whom I didn't really notice at first but interest level grew as I got to know them more & discover that they're actually pretty great in many ways.

Maybe first impressions shouldn't be so important. I find they're usually wrong to some extent. If I've had postive experiences at times from not discarding people immediately, can't women experience the same? I'm pretty great too.

I'm not asking because I'm hoping for this out of a situation I'm currently in or anything, I'm just curious as it differs from my own experiences. But, to be fair, those experiences also don't usually include it happening to me either lol.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Her interest level needs to be moderately high, for any man to really be able to get her.

IMO, most quality women have so many options that if she isn't intrigued to some degree with you, she's probably got half a dozen other guys that have caught her attention and who she'd rather get to know.

A reasonable amount of IL can definitely be farmed into high IL, just by your game... but I honestly think there needs to be some degree of it already in place.

 

[Mike32ct]

It depends on what your objective is.

If you just want a makeout, a ONS, etc., then you will need to see some moderate to high IL as soon as possible. (Although the girl might initially be distant, she should warm up fairly quickly. Otherwise, move on.) This is just intended to make your game more efficient.

For a relationship, you can be somewhat more patient. Plenty of couples will admit that they weren't THAT interested in each other initially and they sort of grew on each other. However, never tolerate low IL for too long.

 

[GameOfNoGame]

And heck, let's extend this question to include women who've shown high IL but then it's dropped. I've also had times where I was interested in a girl, made the decision to persue other avenues but they were still good women.

So after a time I'd conclude, it was a mistake to have persued other avenues when she's the one I should have given a chance & my IL goes back up. It's not because I'm flaky or play or have BPD, people just make choices & errors.

Again, why do you think it's true that once a decision is made about IL by a woman that it's final & why is it a mistake to stick around if someone you like may realize they made a mistake with you whom you know to be a good man?

 

[Iceberg]

Again, why do you think it's true that once a decision is made about IL by a woman that it's final & why is it a mistake to stick around if someone you like may realize they made a mistake with you whom you know to be a good man?

I'd just say that many of the guys here don't have the confidence or "game" required to make things work in a situation like that.

It's not that those situations are 100% failure. It's that a lot of these guys will pour all their emotions into one girl (one-itis), and sit around waiting for this girl to come around and suddenly be interested in him.

The result usually ends up being that the guy asks a girl out in January, and gets rejected. So he continues acting the same way towards the girl, and asks her out again in March...also getting rejected. The guy never changed or improved himself, and just assumed that over time he could wear the girl down.

It's not that you give up on a low IL girl. It's just that you have to back off for a bit, pursue other girls, and come back as a more confident person. Which most guys don't do....so it's just easier to tell them to give up on the low IL girl and to put that energy into focusing on self improvement. Because while that one girl might never like you, an improved version of yourself is much more likely to get some women who are equal to, or better than that one girl.

 

[GameOfNoGame]

I'd just say that many of the guys here don't have the confidence or "game" required to make things work in a situation like that.

It's not that those situations are 100% failure. It's that a lot of these guys will pour all their emotions into one girl (one-itis), and sit around waiting for this girl to come around and suddenly be interested in him.

The result usually ends up being that the guy asks a girl out in January, and gets rejected. So he continues acting the same way towards the girl, and asks her out again in March...also getting rejected. The guy never changed or improved himself, and just assumed that over time he could wear the girl down.

It's not that you give up on a low IL girl. It's just that you have to back off for a bit, pursue other girls, and come back as a more confident person. Which most guys don't do....so it's just easier to tell them to give up on the low IL girl and to put that energy into focusing on self improvement. Because while that one girl might never like you, an improved version of yourself is much more likely to get some women who are equal to, or better than that one girl.

But what's better is subjective & difficult to quantify. For instance, what's better; being smart, funny, good looking or kind? And what if multiple people have all four qualities in different amounts & they manifest in different ways? It's not so cut & dry.

I certainly have all four of them & most every girl has all four at least to some degree. Even ways to improve them may differ. I'm educated, developed a sharp wit, lost over 100lbs & volunteer with children but that doesn't seem to make a difference.

 

[Iceberg]

But what's better is subjective & difficult to quantify. For instance, what's better; being smart, funny, good looking or kind? And what if multiple people have all four qualities in different amounts & manifest in different ways?

I certainly have all four of them & most every girl has all four at least to some degree. Even ways to improve them may differ. I am educated, have developed a sharp wit, lost over 100lbs & volunteer with children, but so?

When it comes to humans emotions and relationships, everything is subjective and difficult to quantify. That's not a new revelation.

All we can do is look at the people who are consistently getting good results from women and make an evaluation. We're not expecting mathematic equations here. 2 + 2 = instant sex. A lot of what's discussed and preached here is meant to be adapted to your own personality. Not just blindly followed.

 

[GameOfNoGame]

When it comes to humans emotions and relationships, everything is subjective and difficult to quantify. That's not a new revelation.

All we can do is look at the people who are consistently getting good results from women and make an evaluation. We're not expecting mathematic equations here. 2 + 2 = instant sex. A lot of what's discussed and preached here is meant to be adapted to your own personality. Not just blindly followed.

Oh no, I'm not saying there is some unified field theory on women, you're absolutely right. Nobody's perfect but couldn't someone have just been wrong about you or I being good men such as we are & just that way as I have before?

When I said, I'd made mistake, I didn't become interested in another again because she had particularly changed in any way. I did like them just the way they were but I liked others too & since humanity can't be quantified, chose wrong.

 

[macallik]

I've just noticed that a common attitude is that it's not worth persuing someone whom you're interested in if they don't immediately show signs of "high IL" in return. That it's just a waste of time because that will never change.

Is it really true & is it really such a mistake? I can think of plenty of women I've met whom I didn't really notice at first but interest level grew as I got to know them more & discover that they're actually pretty great in many ways.

It is possible, but in the time in takes to make one uninterested girl interested, you can actually meet 10 interested girls.

Maybe first impressions shouldn't be so important. I find they're usually wrong to some extent. If I've had postive experiences at times from not discarding people immediately, can't women experience the same? I'm pretty great too.

I'm not asking because I'm hoping for this out of a situation I'm currently in or anything, I'm just curious as it differs from my own experiences. But, to be fair, those experiences also don't usually include it happening to me either lol.

Yes, women can have positive experiences after initially bad ones. it just so happens that the cute ones often also have experiences where guys become bitter or *******s after they get rejected or the women seem uninterested.

Long story short, it is easier to create a good first impression than to change a bad first impression.

 

[johnca2010]

Some women might have barriers that are preventing her from expressing IL to you, so it could be possible that you are misreading her when you think she has low IL. Also, don't let your own personal insecurities cloud your vision.

The quickest way to test IL is a little KINO. I don't waste my time with girls that don't illustrate a high degree of IL in me initially. There are just too many girls out there who DO have high IL, and my week is already booked up as it is. Why waste time with those who going to be hard to work with?

 

[handle]

If I'm not having fun hanging out with her or chatting her up, then I'll move on to the next one. Usually that's because she isn't giving me anything to work with (not giving "IOIs" I guess). But I don't like to think of it in terms of IOIs -- the question isn't whether she's interested, the question is whether I'm interested. And yeah, a lot of the time I get uninterested if she isn't receptive.

Who cares if she isn't interested? Are you having a good time and an interesting conversation? That's all that matters. Sometimes it's more fun to hang out with girls giving active signs of no interest whatsoever.