Question about successful LTR's

[Answers]

The first thing you can do is to stop thinking about an LTR in terms of 'success' or 'failure'. It's not a goal and it's not a pass/fail test. There are plenty of 40+ year marriages where both partners cohabit in utter misery, is that a "success"? There are likewise wonderful STRs where one partner dies or something unavoidable happens and they split, is this a "failure"? The first key to enjoying a healthy relationship is to pull your head out of thinking of an LTR as a goal state.

I'm not saying its a success to have a LTR I just think the best LTR's are usually the ones where both partners are best or if not very good friends too.

 

[Answers]

Your parents are not your friend nor is your "girlfriend" - I assume when you say "lover" you mean "having sex" - having sex has nothing to do with love!

The "Friend" & "Partner" term and concept and the "Lover" term and concept was created and pushed, yes you guessed it, by the feminist movement - as an attempt to corrupt the natural order of things!! Remember - I grew up watching and hearing this bastardization!!

Can you not still be the MAN and be good friends with her? Back before the feminist movement men had much better relationships with their women.

 

[Last Man Standing]

To answer your other question, it's sex first then friendship. I know guys will come out of the woodwork now to say how shallow this sounds in some effort to claim some kind of moral high ground, but honestly, it's mutual desire that is the glue for a solid relationship. Friendship, companionship, empathy, compassion are all very important aspects in a good LTR don't get me wrong, and I can experience all of these with my mother, brother and best friend, but I have no desire to ƒuck them. Sustained, prolonged desire makes the difference.

Wow - if dudes here take this as true then they are going to be in a world of misunderstanding and hurt! There are so many errors here on so many levels. I'll just say that this viewpoint obviously only comes from minds who believe we are mere animals and believe in the fake biological evolution darwin nonsense! Humans are much more than desire - we are thinkers, we have compassion, we have souls and conscious - but hey forget about that - I just want some ass because I'm an animal!

I know people here hate morality but Truth is the "high ground" not darwin animal behavior. If you think that you are going to have prolonged desire for your wife forever then you are delusional! The flesh decays and the eyes lose their passion. To base everything on sex/desire is to say it is ok to get a divorce because you no longer have desire for your wife at the physical level.

So it is the exact opposite of what you state - it is the companionship, empathy and compassion, and other human qualities, that have nothing to do with desire or sex, that keeps marriages and people together!

Have you ever even had a successful LTR? I'm sincerely curious.

No such thing as LTR!

The only so called LTR is marriage!

Show me a good woman and I will court her for marriage and family and not for sex!! This is the natural order of things!!

That is irrelevant, the only thing that matters are his principles.

Damn right!! This is why I never got a divorce and my children aren't crying out in the wilderness!! If I had a wife and children.

 

[iqqi]

Originally Posted by Rollo Tomassi
To answer your other question, it's sex first then friendship. I know guys will come out of the woodwork now to say how shallow this sounds in some effort to claim some kind of moral high ground, but honestly, it's mutual desire that is the glue for a solid relationship. Friendship, companionship, empathy, compassion are all very important aspects in a good LTR don't get me wrong, and I can experience all of these with my mother, brother and best friend, but I have no desire to ƒuck them. Sustained, prolonged desire makes the difference.

Wow - if dudes here take this as true then they are going to be in a world of misunderstanding and hurt! There are so many errors here on so many levels. I'll just say that this viewpoint obviously only comes from minds who believe we are mere animals and believe in the fake biological evolution darwin nonsense! Humans are much more than desire - we are thinkers, we have compassion, we have souls and conscious - but hey forget about that - I just want some ass because I'm an animal!

I know people here hate morality but Truth is the "high ground" not darwin animal behavior. If you think that you are going to have prolonged desire for your wife forever then you are delusional! The flesh decays and the eyes lose their passion. To base everything on sex/desire is to say it is ok to get a divorce because you no longer have desire for your wife at the physical level.

So it is the exact opposite of what you state - it is the companionship, empathy and compassion, and other human qualities, that have nothing to do with desire or sex, that keeps marriages and people together!

THEE BEST LMS post EVER in history. One billion rep points. :rockon:

 

[potato]

To answer your other question, it's sex first then friendship

But sex isn’t what determines if you’ll have a lasting, fulfilling long term relationship. It is relatively easy to get someone to have sex with you; it is considerably more difficult to carry on a LTR. Over the years I’ve had several LTR’s and in every case what set the girl apart from all others was that we had a connection that allowed us to communicate with each other easily. It is a connection that grows and matures over time. Often it takes the form of ‘us’ against the world. When I’m out with my girlfriend, at a social gathering, all kinds of things can be going on, she can be off mingling with one group of people and I can be off mingling else where and we take a quick look at each other and there is just a sense of knowing, that I get from no one else – it’s like we are members of a very exclusive club – a club of two.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Can you not still be the MAN and be good friends with her?

Clarify your question.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

If you encountered a woman who fit every ideal you ever had for a relationship - best friend, loving, 100% loyal, excellent mother, came from a great family, perfect HB 10, healthy both mentally and physically - who loved you unconditionally and wanted to marry you, but with one caveat; she would NEVER have sex with you under any circumstances, would you marry her? You could have children together through insemination and she would be platonically affectionate with you, knowing full well before you did and pledging to be completely faithful yourself, would you spend the rest of your life in a completely sexless marriage with an otherwise ideal woman?

 

[penkitten]

If you encountered a woman who fit every ideal you ever had for a relationship - best friend, loving, 100% loyal, excellent mother, came from a great family, perfect HB 10, healthy both mentally and physically - who loved you unconditionally and wanted to marry you, but with one caveat; she would NEVER have sex with you under any circumstances, would you marry her? You could have children together through insemination and she would be platonically affectionate with you, knowing full well before you did and pledging to be completely faithful yourself, would you spend the rest of your life in a completely sexless marriage with an otherwise ideal woman?

NO!!
because the sex comes first, the friendship starts then and has to build to the special relationship that it becomes.
without the sex, there is no intimacy that creates the special friendship in the first place.

 

[iqqi]

If you encountered a woman who fit every ideal you ever had for a relationship - best friend, loving, 100% loyal, excellent mother, came from a great family, perfect HB 10, healthy both mentally and physically - who loved you unconditionally and wanted to marry you, but with one caveat; she would NEVER have sex with you under any circumstances, would you marry her? You could have children together through insemination and she would be platonically affectionate with you, knowing full well before you did and pledging to be completely faithful yourself, would you spend the rest of your life in a completely sexless marriage with an otherwise ideal woman?

You can't have one without the other. I don't think anyone was implying you could.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

IQQI, I beg to differ,..

But sex isn’t what determines if you’ll have a lasting, fulfilling long term relationship.

You can indeed have an unfullfilling LTR and still be having sex, but you will NOT have a fulfilling LTR WITHOUT sex.

Sex is the dealbreaker.

 

[azanon]

To answer your other question, it's sex first then friendship. I know guys will come out of the woodwork now to say how shallow this sounds in some effort to claim some kind of moral high ground, but honestly, it's mutual desire that is the glue for a solid relationship. Friendship, companionship, empathy, compassion are all very important aspects in a good LTR don't get me wrong, and I can experience all of these with my mother, brother and best friend, but I have no desire to ƒuck them. Sustained, prolonged desire makes the difference.

I agree with RT, but I want to clarify my way of seeing it: Its physical first, then friendship.

I didn't have sex with my (now) wife until about 4 months after dating her, but I put on sexual tension from the start. There was making out, petting, and all steps leading up to it that defined those first 4 months. It was never growing as friends then as a reward for the friendship, the sex came.

This is not to say I'm endorsing waiting a long time for sex! By all means, have it as soon as possible. But I also wouldn't agree with a philosophy that says to throw any and all women away that, say, won't have outright sex with you by the 3rd date. Someone with that philosophy basically has a "hors only" policy; whether they like/realize it, or not.

 

[Señor Fingers]

I think its foolish to harp on about what comes first.. there are exceptions in many situations and I have experienced both orders (sex or friendship first).

What must be understood is that both ingredients are necessary

1. Mind-blowing sexual chemistry
2. Real connection and mutual respect

In a loving relationship these elements cannot be isolated.. the very nature of love between man and woman is symbiotic between the two.

I know this couple that has been together for 50 years.. they are best friends and still have a fulfilling sex life. Granted it was more information than I wanted to know about a pair of endearing 70-year-olds (mental picture DELETE!!) but it goes to show that you need both for longevity and mutual fulfillment.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Sex doesn't come first - attraction comes first!! Then secondly, it is commitment and thirdly sex!!! Why this order?

Because if the man is not attracted to her he will not pursue her and if there is sex before commitment then you will have children (the end result of sex) without commitment of both involved - and the family will be broken - this is very unnatural for all involved!

And RT, sex is only part of her - sex is not her! She is more than her physical organs - she has a spirit that needs nurturing and comfort! A woman's duty is to have sex with her husband - if not then this is grounds for a divorce!!

 

[iqqi]

IQQI, I beg to differ,..

Originally Posted by potato
But sex isn’t what determines if you’ll have a lasting, fulfilling long term relationship.

You can indeed have an unfullfilling LTR and still be having sex, but you will NOT have a fulfilling LTR WITHOUT sex.

I took what Potato said to mean that it is the friendship that is more important than the sex. You can have sex with someone, anyone, but that will never be what determines the lasting, fullfilling LTR.

It is both. As a matter of fact, sex is usually better with someone you have a special bond with! Many people establish this bond first, before they engage in the intimate act of sex! I know how crazy that must sound to some of you!!

Then they seal the bond with that act, and it is an act of love and unification, hense "the union of bodies".

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I think its foolish to harp on about what comes first.. there are exceptions in many situations and I have experienced both orders (sex or friendship first).

What must be understood is that both ingredients are necessary

1. Mind-blowing sexual chemistry
2. Real connection and mutual respect

Exactly. But let a Man emphasize the vital importance of sex in an LTR, even in an anonymous public forum and watch every chump with a "not-like-other guys" mentality and any woman with an agenda chime in to delegitimize it in an effort to seem 'deep' and pensive. Say that sex is the lynchpin of an LTR and you're "shallow", but play up the esoteric and you're a philosopher.

 

[azanon]

It is both. As a matter of fact, sex is usually better with someone you have a special bond with! Many people establish this bond first, before they engage in the intimate act of sex! I know how crazy that must sound to some of you!!

Now see, here's an example of why you'd be better off at iVillage. This is possibly, or even probably, true for a woman, but I assure you it's NOT true for a man.

Over my 10 or so life conquests (yeah, not a lot), I've noticed a positive correlation between how good the sex was, and how little I knew the woman. Nothing beats an impromptu, ONS banging with some chick that you barely know her name. Further, the ones open to this sort of quick coersion are usually skilled at what they do. I love the dirty ones that have no shame!

 

[iqqi]

Exactly. But let a Man emphasize the vital importance of sex in an LTR, even in an anonymous public forum and watch every chump with a "not-like-other guys" mentality and any woman with an agenda chime in to delegitimize it in an effort to seem 'deep' and pensive. Say that sex is the lynchpin of an LTR and you're "shallow", but play up the esoteric and you're a philosopher.

WOW. Passive aggressive wording, Mr. mod...

Anyways, I think most ppl who DISAGREED with you, disagreed with this sentiment here: sex comes first.

As if sex was more or most important.

And Potato summed it up perfectly, what I think we who disagree (aka every chump with a "not-like-other guys" mentality and any woman with an agenda, lol) feel THIS way:

Potato: It is relatively easy to get someone to have sex with you; it is considerably more difficult to carry on a LTR. Over the years I’ve had several LTR’s and in every case what set the girl apart from all others was that we had a connection that allowed us to communicate with each other easily.

 

[iqqi]

Now see, here's an example of why you'd be better off at iVillage. This is possibly, or even probably, true for a woman, but I assure you it's NOT true for a man.

Over my 10 or so life conquests (yeah, not a lot), I've noticed a positive correlation between how good the sex was, and how little I knew the woman. Nothing beats an impromptu, ONS banging with some chick that you barely know her name. Further, the ones open to this sort of quick coersion are usually skilled at what they do. I love the dirty ones that have no shame!

And let me tell YOU why you'd be better off at Lovechack, Chump...














Just kidding. Blow me.

 

[azanon]

Just kidding. Blow me.

I figured that'd be something you'd send pm to maintain your secret. You certainly know it's physically possible for me to.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I took what Potato said to mean that it is the friendship that is more important than the sex. You can have sex with someone, anyone, but that will never be what determines the lasting, fullfilling LTR.

And I'm saying, you wont have an LTR without sex. I assume POTATO is presently ƒucking his GF on a regular basis. Would this still be the case were she to permanently stop doing so? Again, I'm not trying to de-emphasize the other aspects, I'm pointing out that sex is the dealbreaker. The difference between a good friend and a lover is that you're having sex with the lover. That's the difference between a best friend and an LTR. The OP was what made for a "successful" LTR.

It is both. As a matter of fact, sex is usually better with someone you have a special bond with! Many people establish this bond first, before they engage in the intimate act of sex! I know how crazy that must sound to some of you!!

Then they seal the bond with that act, and it is an act of love and unification, hense "the union of bodies".

God, that reads so poetic coming from a girl who started a thread regarding her frustrations about having one of her girlfriends c0ckblock her with a guy she was really wanting to ƒuck at a bar one night.