Question about setting up dates in a LTR......

[FalconerRhine]

Would you guys consider it a sign of danger if your girl calls you once or twice a month and says, "Do you want to do something tomorrow??" But makes no suggestions for an activity? When she'd do this I'd always say, "Well what did you have planned?" I am beginning to think now that these little episodes happened because I wasn't pulling my weight in the relationship on setting up dates, keeping everything spontaneous, new, and different.

After almost a year - if I was having doubts like this I should've realized something was wrong.

If you are in a relationship (say about 6 mos to a year) - is it cool for you to call a day in advance to make plans? Is it ok to accept your girl's request if she calls a day in advance every once in a while?

Thanks......

 

[MisterAl]

LTRs are different from dating. The game changes after about 4 months of being with a girl exclusively. If you're lazy and not proactive about making plans she WILL leave.

You _must_ continue making things new and different. Your enemy and LTR-killer is the mundane and everyday.

You _must_ show your affection and interest in her frequently and openly.

Be spur-of-the-moment, plan things a day or hours in advance.

You should continue to plan dates, this is when you should wine and dine your lady on occasion.

In her mind the relationship is always about her and how you feel about her and whether she thinks you spend enough time with her. It's her hobby and interest. When you slack you open the door to those meaningless little fights that seem to be about nothing. All those little *****y fights are the symptom that she is losing her respect of you.

Use your head. I'm not talking about becoming an AFC, spouting "I Wuv You" all the time, or putting her on a pedestal. This will also make her leave pretty quickly.

The game does change after 4-6 months of being together exclusively. Her insecurity no longer works in your favor. However, continue being a challenge. Don't give in when she's unreasonable because then she'll know you're a wuss. Remember that until you die.

 

[Okra]

I had to edit this after re-reading your post. Your girl is probably bored and wants you to make some suggestions. She is dropping hints without being direct. I don't think this is a "danger sign". Just plan some fun **** to do.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You should read the latest article by David D. Even though it is written about single guys, I've found that the information holds true for guys in LTRs. Read it, it's definitely worthwhile.

What Women HATE Most About Single Guys

 

[MisterAl]

That article nails it. Always lead, LTR or dating.

Somehow you stopped leading, and that's why your GF is losing respect for you.

Take the lead and plan new activities.

 

[California Love]

She wants you to be the man and to make the decisions, so it's totally fine if she calls and asks to go out the next day. She wants to be with you. However, in your case, its wise to schedule a date sometime later. It builds anticipation and gives people time to get ready.

 

[FalconerRhine]

thanks for the responses....

Hey Guys,

Just to let you know - all of this happened over the summer. I was taking Calculus III(engineering major trying to get ahead), working on my '69 mustang restoration project(3+ year work in progress), and maintaining my classic mustang and ford parts sales business over the internet and at swap meets(i've been selling parts since my freshman year in HS). I really didn't give her the time of day to be honest. She was leading - and I felt that I was too busy with my own things to really care. I did plan a few things - but overall I stopped really investing in the relationship. She broke up w/ me at the beginning of this semester once she got to college. At first I was real upset - but now I realize that there isn't too much I miss about her. We never really shared much of anything besides a roll in the hay. I honestly tried to think of what I'll miss about her and I can't really think of anything more then the physical aspects of the relationship. Check out my initial post about the breakup details to get a better understanding of how she got me to spend over a year with her(http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=59175) - is kind of like that personality disorder that was a big topic in the fourum recently. I was away from this site for so long and blinded by the light.