Question about Cold Approach

[schttrj]

Now of late, I have started doing street approaches. It is like I am walking or standing at a corner and I see a girl (dont have the guts to approach a set now) coming by, I approach her with "Excuse me" she looks and I say, "Hi, just saw you, wanted to meet you/talk to u.... anyways, I am ....." Have not got any positive answer till now but I was rethinking if I am doing anything wrong.

To the guys who cold approach, could you give me any ideas regarding this and how you go about it?

 

[schttrj]

bump! no answer yet from the CA artists?!

 

[SilverSonnet]

Hmm, you need to start out with a funny/witty/****y comment, or an opinion. You need to give them something to reply to, you need to stand out from the hundreds of other guys she's rejected 'cos they all come up to her and start talking about themselves.
Also, if you want a better chance. Look for eye contact first, give a smile, maybe a wink, and approach.
Good luck bro, Peace.

 

[BadsnakeUK]

Some things that strike me about the OP.

1. "Excuse me." This is apologetic and smacks of asking for permission to talk to her. In the street approach this is not a phrase you should be using.

2. Have something to talk about. Give a reason for wanting to talk to her (that doesn't involve her looks). Ask her opinion if you are in a shop, or compliment her on something (women are suckers for even the smallest comliment - but don't overdo it. A little goes a long way).

3. Regarding point 2, don't be afraid to say something unusual. I once n-closed an 8.5 on the street after opening with. "I love that dress, it makes you look like someone from the Waltons."

4. Be prepared to put some effort in. If you're not using canned material (I don't recommend this anyway) have some OEQs, witty observations or suchlike ready to follow up with, or you'll end up stood there with a lot of awkward silence to fill (again this is a balance - don't over do it. Just be prepared to fill osme space if things grind to a halt).

5. Give her a reason you want to see her again/continue talking/escalate. By now you should have found out something she likes doing etc or just tell her you've enjoyed talking to her. This allows you to progress more naturally to a close without her wondering what you're after.

 

[schttrj]

ok, i get that. but like the situation i told you, its pretty hard to cold approach then. like she is passing by me or walking coming from the opposite direction. yes, i thought about the opinion/compliment openers and that is what the timing needs to be right. like I cannot just cross the street while she is walking and says,"hey, u have got nice shoes".. just for example. you get me? or suppose she is far away from me busy doing something. i cannot just go and ask,"can i ask u a question? do i look gay?" sure, i can do this if i am already placed near to her so that the comment seems random, ya know.

ok, somebody is already walking or going in a direction, i think "hi" or "hey" would do fine, isnt it? what do u think?

 

[EFFORT]

ok, i get that. but like the situation i told you, its pretty hard to cold approach then. like she is passing by me or walking coming from the opposite direction. yes, i thought about the opinion/compliment openers and that is what the timing needs to be right. like I cannot just cross the street while she is walking and says,"hey, u have got nice shoes".. just for example. you get me? or suppose she is far away from me busy doing something. i cannot just go and ask,"can i ask u a question? do i look gay?" sure, i can do this if i am already placed near to her so that the comment seems random, ya know.

ok, somebody is already walking or going in a direction, i think "hi" or "hey" would do fine, isnt it? what do u think?

if you want to talk to them then just be real about it. Find your balls and forget all that which direction there walking or where there standing bs. Just go for what you want. Get yourself to where the girl is and be real about it "Hey i'm X, i had to meet you" then take it from there.

 

[SilverSonnet]

ok, i get that. but like the situation i told you, its pretty hard to cold approach then. like she is passing by me or walking coming from the opposite direction. yes, i thought about the opinion/compliment openers and that is what the timing needs to be right. like I cannot just cross the street while she is walking and says,"hey, u have got nice shoes".. just for example. you get me? or suppose she is far away from me busy doing something. i cannot just go and ask,"can i ask u a question? do i look gay?" sure, i can do this if i am already placed near to her so that the comment seems random, ya know.

ok, somebody is already walking or going in a direction, i think "hi" or "hey" would do fine, isnt it? what do u think?

Hi, or hey, is the most repetetive and boring thing you can come up with. Take a minute and think how many times a guy says that to her, hell, everyone. It's boring, it's not original, it sucks.
be original man, it's cool

 

[BadsnakeUK]

I second Effort that you just need to man up and do it. By the time you work out her trajectory towards you and the cosine of the angle at which you need to be standing for the perfect intercept etc etc she'll be home with Mr. b/f. Just do it or you'll be talking yourself out of it for the rest of your life.

However, when you've overcome AA (which is all this is btw), you will start to see some occasions where its in the interest of common sense to just let someone carry on about their day. This isn't a bad thing but these situations are far fewer than you think they are now. Get over the AA then chill...

 

[Tekniq]

The cold approach is an art in itself and will always be the quiting point for a lot of new and just starting guys, since this is where the highest percentage of of rejections, flakes, and over-all lackluster meetings take place. Personally i think the CP is the most complex of anything you can do because there are so many factors to consider, whether it be the girls mood to the time of day. I have found that is not very successful in the day time because of the busy nature of people as well many other variables that spoil the potential for connection in the day time as opposed to the night approach in a night club (the mindset of the girl is most important) . The cold approach is really a double edged sword if you go into it by yourself without any friends around you or a trusty wing to back you up.

The first edge and the helpful one is that it shows that you have enough confidence and zeal to approach a young lady and show her everything you have to offer (or if you like to lie in your game, then show her everything that would impress her). By doing this you really catch her off guard and turn off all the logic she would normally she would use when talking to a guy in a typical scenario. Good, you've left the girl on one train of thought (if you do everything correct), how awesome you are; sadly though this effect doesnt last too long, like a very weak sedative the positives that were gained will soon fade and only reveal the main problem again.

And that main problem is that you are alone, zero social proof in this situation is what it really amounts to. It may not strike the girl right away but in time she will see that you no support from the outside environment of the pick-up, whether it is after your initial opener or after she has given you her number and you begin to walk away. The female needs to be constantly convinced that she has made a right choice and not just fallen for some pathetic loner who by chance drummed up some confidence and learned a few canned openers. Of course this is not to say that you cannot have a successful pick-up with zero SP but the chances that the girl will flake on you are highly multiplied. Despite all the interest you generate, if you cannot generate some support from the outside you will eventually be dead in the water. Feel free to disagree, but this is what i have found through my own personal game and analyzing others.

 

[schttrj]

well, i agree with tekniq in a way: i feel that whatever street approaches i have done, there was one thing lacking, that is the timing. i have found that if the girl is standing or just not busy doing anything or just walking casually without any hurry, you can cold approach. the most important thing is you need some time to spend with her. def, i agree that i need to have the balls and go for her, period but from then on, she has gotta give you the amount of time to have a small talk. if your doing street approaches, this is the main problem. i keep bumping on the girls either in hurry or some of them say"im married" some just ignore and go away..... anyways, i am figuring it out and to silversonnet, u r very rite when you say you gotta be different. unless u look like brad pitt or have a physique like arnold or ride a mercedes, hot girls will seldom entertain the direct approach. i will still check what you guys said.

 

[ready123]

dude don't overanalyze your speech or try force yourself to be witty or sht like that. that stuff will fvck with your head. and social proof does not matter as much as guys on this board think, it's ridiculous how people think it's a make it or break it thing, it doesn't fvckin matter that much

some stuff for you to play around with during the approach
- have the general mindset that you can make the girl like you eventually. maybe not now, maybe not when you want, but given enough time, you can eventually make her fall for you
- be aware of the girl's comfort level and try not to creep her out
- be aware of your energy level and your own happiness in the moment. these things will carry to her through subcommunication
- don't be reaction seeking. even if she's not feeling you and runs away, you should still be able to feel good afterwards
- act normal
- be genuine and take time to actually enjoy the interaction

and don't overanalyze this list either. this is all stuff you internalize through experience. experience is the main thing that'll help you get better at the cold approach. your brain will naturally figure out what works for you when you keep trying

 

[schttrj]

dude don't overanalyze your speech or try force yourself to be witty or sht like that. that stuff will fvck with your head. and social proof does not matter as much as guys on this board think, it's ridiculous how people think it's a make it or break it thing, it doesn't fvckin matter that much

some stuff for you to play around with during the approach
- have the general mindset that you can make the girl like you eventually. maybe not now, maybe not when you want, but given enough time, you can eventually make her fall for you
- be aware of the girl's comfort level and try not to creep her out
- be aware of your energy level and your own happiness in the moment. these things will carry to her through subcommunication
- don't be reaction seeking. even if she's not feeling you and runs away, you should still be able to feel good afterwards
- act normal
- be genuine and take time to actually enjoy the interaction

and don't overanalyze this list either. this is all stuff you internalize through experience. experience is the main thing that'll help you get better at the cold approach. your brain will naturally figure out what works for you when you keep trying

do i need to say age matters? man, thanks for the quality advice. and i have always seen u giving quality here.

 

[Snow Plowman]

When a woman in the daytime is in the presence of an attractive man then generally there time doesn't matter because they will forget.

Street Approaches is my bread and butter...90% of my sets stop and hook.

A few things to keep in mind as far as situations...
A. Chick Moving towards you - Open 10ft away!!! You want to get her attention, not her playing like she can't hear. Also don't move towards her just talk and use your voice, she will stop and comeback.

B. Coming Up behind a chick - Tap them, the moving around behind them screams proximity and instant blow out. Also show them something or slow your speed of walk on spikes to stop them. For groups you gotta engage the whole set

C. Ipods and Cell phones - Tap them and talk as if there not using it

D. You stationary and chick movin by - If in tap or grabbing range do it. If not "Hey!" does we'll and talk or motion them over.

This is just to get consistent with opening the set. Now you must talk, voice and eye contact is important.

I personally suck the chick in my eality and get them to forget what they were doing.

You can't do day game approaches half assed. You must have that certainty belief and assumptions that it will open well and she'll love you. You are coming in like a meteor from the sky they have to look.

 

[schttrj]

When a woman in the daytime is in the presence of an attractive man then generally there time doesn't matter because they will forget.

Street Approaches is my bread and butter...90% of my sets stop and hook.

A few things to keep in mind as far as situations...
A. Chick Moving towards you - Open 10ft away!!! You want to get her attention, not her playing like she can't hear. Also don't move towards her just talk and use your voice, she will stop and comeback.

B. Coming Up behind a chick - Tap them, the moving around behind them screams proximity and instant blow out. Also show them something or slow your speed of walk on spikes to stop them. For groups you gotta engage the whole set

C. Ipods and Cell phones - Tap them and talk as if there not using it

D. You stationary and chick movin by - If in tap or grabbing range do it. If not "Hey!" does we'll and talk or motion them over.

This is just to get consistent with opening the set. Now you must talk, voice and eye contact is important.

I personally suck the chick in my eality and get them to forget what they were doing.

You can't do day game approaches half assed. You must have that certainty belief and assumptions that it will open well and she'll love you. You are coming in like a meteor from the sky they have to look.

will keep them in mind and just to clarify once more, i will never go over to a girl and alwaysmotion them to come to me?

 

[Po-Coordinator]

Some things that strike me about the OP.

1. "Excuse me." This is apologetic and smacks of asking for permission to talk to her. In the street approach this is not a phrase you should be using.

2. Have something to talk about. Give a reason for wanting to talk to her (that doesn't involve her looks). Ask her opinion if you are in a shop, or compliment her on something (women are suckers for even the smallest comliment - but don't overdo it. A little goes a long way).

3. Regarding point 2, don't be afraid to say something unusual. I once n-closed an 8.5 on the street after opening with. "I love that dress, it makes you look like someone from the Waltons."

4. Be prepared to put some effort in. If you're not using canned material (I don't recommend this anyway) have some OEQs, witty observations or suchlike ready to follow up with, or you'll end up stood there with a lot of awkward silence to fill (again this is a balance - don't over do it. Just be prepared to fill osme space if things grind to a halt).

5. Give her a reason you want to see her again/continue talking/escalate. By now you should have found out something she likes doing etc or just tell her you've enjoyed talking to her. This allows you to progress more naturally to a close without her wondering what you're after.

I have done cold approaches before. Bad snake has the best method. Usually if you just approach a girl with nothing to say its more of a turn off. Also, remember that girls like a challenge. If you say to her "Hi, I just wanted to talk to you" the challenge is gone.

I would start out with a question, such as "do you know where #$%@@# is?" And then try to make a light joke to get her to smile. After that...its on like popcorn.

 

[schttrj]

so, u guys are telling that indirect game is better than direct game. but the biggest problem i face with indirect game is that transition is very hard in this case. can u tell me a follow up to this two lines:

"do you know where ****** place is?"

"excuse me... what time is it?"

if she answers in a short precise way and tells me the answer, what next?

in case of comment/question openers, they actually fall into the situational category. so its like the situation has got to work in your favour and then, you just have to carry on the convo.

simple "hi" seldom works and only works when the girl is in the mood.

i dont like playing the numbers, like taking calculated risks where i can still have an exit plan. hope u guys can help me.

 

[rushing dude 123]

yeh dude tried same approach, it didn't work for me neither, but analyse the situation and see if there is anything that makes her unique, maybe she a dog, maybe she gave u some sort of look idk. Then use that information and make something up like "hey what dog is that,"...."o right well i was thinking of getting a dog and i was thinking husky or lab, but ur dog is actually quite nice, do u know any other dogs that r pretty kool?" or "hey there i saw u giving me that look, i am not really sure if it was evil or not, but i am thinking did i tease u in high school or something to giv me such a look?"

 

[Po-Coordinator]

The "can you tell me where *&^& is" is just an example. Try to pick an opening line that is more consistent with the surrounding. In a major city that line would work, but if your in a rural area I don't think that line is as good.

As well, when using the line really study the girl. Does she have a wedding band, is she in a hurry, is she with friends. These all determine whether or not you should approach her.

If you ask a girl "CAn you tell me where ____ is" and she stops and is receptive, then you can follow up with a number of lines e.g. "I hope you don't mind me saying this but you have a very nice smile" or if you are not comfortable being that forward "Sorry to bother you I am new to this part and I am a little lost. Thanks for your help my name is _______".

I guess what I am trying to say, the key to doing a cold pick up is reading the situation very carefully.

Also, if the girl rejects you DO NOT take it personally. There could be thousands of other reasons as to why she rejected you. My belief is that if a girl rejects you on a cold pick up, then the reason for the rejection is less you and more herself and her own experiences.

Finally, be confident. You have the courage to do a cold pick up which says a lot about you. Girls LOVE!!!! confident men. Trust me I know.

Good luck

 

[rushing dude 123]

has for the time, it shouldn't really b done for a approach in my opinion, but something like this cud work maybe. "o awesome, ah dam do u know what day it is has well?", HB : thursday. "aw dam i got to go work in an hour, u know a good way to call in sick?"...."ok i was just kidding on that one, i am expert in this area" then maybe u can try change subject to her like "and anyways u look like a goodie to shoes, have u ever even called in sick in ur life?"

but hopefully before u ask this question she may of been a bit curious and asked where u worked or made a comment.

 

[schttrj]

ya so we need a reason to talk. if it is just an opportunity that will last a second maybe, then you are in a prob. well, i am just thinking of pretty much starting with 'hi' with above average ones but with teh hotties, i would better go with teh reason or situational one.

lol... 'hi' still gets the better of me, just now read some of the blog articles of RSD adn they said just go up to her and start talking and amusing yourself. Ignite your nimbus, nice one, i like it! will probably start with the easiest one adn slowly go upward.