Put Your Wallet Away

[Giovanni Casanova]

To some guys, this might seem a little counterintuitive. Almost all girls want a guy who has tons of cash, and a lot of guys think that by throwing around money -- buying drinks, taking her out to nice restaurants, buying her extravagant gifts -- that you show her that you have money and therefore she will be more interested in you. This is true to a point but not in the way we would like. There are significant downsides to this type of behavior:

- First, you have the downside of actually spending the money. It's what economists call "Opportunity Cost". Whatever you spend on a girl, you can't spend on something else.

- Second, it might turn into a situation where you are trying to buy her affection. As said by Thomas Fuller, "Purchase not friends by gifts; when thou ceasest to give, such will cease to love." If you think that you have to win her heart by buying her things or by trying to prove that you have money, you're already making a huge mistake. And if a long term relationship comes out of the dating, you are going to have one HIGH-MAINTENANCE chick on your hands, because YOU TRAINED HER to be high-maintenance. She's going to expect the same level of expenditures on her.

- Third and perhaps most importantly, when a girl sees you spending money on her, she may think of you as a "provider" type. This phenomenon is discussed by David deAngelo in "Lover and Provider Personalities" but long story short, when you start spending money on a girl she starts thinking of you as a provider and therefore possible LTR material. To prove your worth (as an LTR) she WITHHOLDS SEX to verify that you will stick around and that you're not just after her body, which you probably are, you pervert you.

So save your money and buy things that make you happy. When you get chained down into a relationship and God forbid, married, you probably won't have two pennies to rub together. So spend money on you, buy new clothes or pimp out your car or travel someplace you've always wanted to go. Just let the AFCs waste their money on their stupid roses that will die in two days but make them look desperate in her eyes forever. And you, meanwhile can be smarter, happier, and dammit, wealthier.

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CASANOVA

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

"Have more than thou showest; Speak less than thou knowest."
William Shakespeare, 'King Lear,' Act I, Scene iv

"If you really do put a small value upon yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price."
Anonymous

 

[trickynick]

Good tip! I have to work on my spending habits with women, as well as other areas of life.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Overtly gratuitous bump.

 

[Sammo]

This is good advice, also more on the lover and provider theory. Girls need both a LOVER and a PROVIDER that's why alot of AFCs get cheated on, there being the provider and by doing this the girl turns towards other men to be her LOVER.

It is VERY difficult to become a girls lover if you are all ready a provider, it's almost impossible. A much better approach would be to start off as her lover and if she is by some fluke chance worthy of an LTR you can transition to a lover/provider mix.

An example: My recent girlfriend claims i only use her for sex and i dont care about her, the only reason she would say this is because i have never said i love her and she repeadetly tells me and ive never baught her a gift and she has bought me many gifts. Yet she still is obsessed with me.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Bump because Christmas is coming.

 

[SamePendo]

A financial forum post, maybe?

(bumpitybump)

 

[penkitten]

romance actually doesnt cost anything.

 

[Kaine]

What specific things can you mention Penkitten?

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Kaine
What specific things can you mention Penkitten?

electric kisses have never cost anyone a dime, neither has talking sweet nothings in someone's ear, or taking a walk.
making a girl giggle uncontrollably = priceless.

 

[Helter Skelter]

Originally posted by Giovanni Casanova
So save your money and buy things that make you happy.

I agree and disagree with this post.

Obviously, trying to buy a girls affection is the wrong way to go.
However, this post also assumes it's better to spend money on ourselves than others and that is the ticket to happiness.

When I was a kid, Christmas was the best time of year. I got so many presents. It was so great to receive, far better than giving or so I thought at the time.

I can assure you if you are lucky enough to be financially successful in your career buying shiit for yourself all the time suddenly becomes a somewhat empty unsatisfiying experience.

I get the most satisfaction out of helping others who deserve it.
So don't be selfish, you'll only attract selfish people.
Quality friends are hard to come by, male or female.
Without knowing this beforehand, the more I gave the more I ended up receiving.
It's amazing, but this stuff comes back to you in ways you never would expect.

I can think of a few girls where I spent a lot of money on and my initial feeling, I was being used.

But it's okay to be generous with girls or friends, just be careful who you choose.

In the long run, you'll get a lot more in return.

I really enjoy giving...... or maybe this is too advanced a concept for this board.

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Re: Re: Put Your Wallet Away

Originally posted by Helter Skelter
Obviously, trying to buy a girls affection is the wrong way to go. However, this post also assumes it's better to spend money on ourselves than others and that is the ticket to happiness.

That's not what I was saying in this post. However, I think it's the trademark of the AFC to spend, spend, spend money in hopes that the girl will reciprocate with affection. Money that he is essentially wasting instead of spending it on things that would make HIM happy. Now, the thing that might make HIM happy might be donating to a charity for all I know. It might be saving up to buy GTA: San Andreas or Halflife 2. Maybe putting money into an investment account for the future is what makes him happy. Maybe it's buying a nice suit for work or the club. Whatever it is, the guy who is spending money in a futile attempt to win a girl over or make her like him more is doing it at a cost of those other things that would make him happy.

 

[Rob]

The problem is with guys who show up on a first date with two dozen roses, pay for the meal, the drinks, the movie...

I hear it all the time, first date cost $100 and there was no second date.

If you know a date is going poorly (read: no connection) how the hell do you justify paying for dinner... and then going to see a movie (which you pay for)?? It just doesn't make sense.

You tell these guys it's the wrong way to do it but they always argue with you. Something along the lines of "it's the man's job", "I don't want to look cheap", "she'll like me".

These guys never listen damnit.

This is why I've given up on giving people advice. There's a saying that goes "unasked for advice is never welcome."

Call me an optomist.


Oh, and Sammo, NEVER tell a girl you love her unless you mean it. Otherwise you end up with an obsessive. Take it from me, I learned the hard way.

 

[DJDamage]

What about dating situation? If you are the one that is making the date and planning the event, shouldn't you be the one paying for it too?? by dating I am talking about a new girl.

Lets say you take her out iceskating and then want to go to dinner, should you pay for both? or tell her to pay seperatly? ask her to pay? Is there a certain time where the girl should maybe contribute for the paying of the date?

 

[Hot Ice]

I've never paid ANYTHING for a girl.

 

[gimmeyofonenumba]

what if your in a situation, where you had to cancel a date, and lets say you are going to coffee, is ok to say"hey i dont usually do this, but ill take you to coffee, my treat""

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

Originally posted by gimmeyofonenumba
what if your in a situation, where you had to cancel a date, and lets say you are going to coffee, is ok to say"hey i dont usually do this, but ill take you to coffee, my treat""

There's nothing wrong with that.

In fact, there's nothing wrong with paying for things in general, as long as you ensure that you're not getting taken advantage of, and that you're spending your money because YOU want to, not as a way of trying to buy affection.

 

[aftershock]

Excellent tip.

If they didn't earn as much as us and didn't have the vote, then I'd gladly pay.

As it is, it's going halves or alternating on each date for me.

Do this from the start too - start as you mean to go on.