"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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Put Plumage On Your Armour

drjekyll

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I can't remember reading anything about this word anywhere in all the seas and messes of text I've trawled through since the day I decided to change my life.

Cool. This means I can write something on it, and, God willing, it'll be something remotely fresh.

Panache. What does it mean?

Flamboyance. Style. Verve. Flair.

Originally though, the word panache actually referred to a plume of coloured feathers on the helmet of an armoured medieval knight.

Let's think about that for a second. Why? Why the feathers? Why do feathers help when you're running around on a battlefield surrounded by danger, violence and the imminent threat of death? Why bring feathers? Why spend the money on them, on rare feathers that were highly expensive in the middle ages. And I mean, really expensive. Peacock feathers, and the large tail feathers of brightly coloured bird are expensive even today. In the middle ages, we're talking serious money.

Why not spend the money on a better made sword? More flexible armour? A better horse? Some food to take with you? A pet cat? Anything?

But no. You spend the money on colourful feathers that stick out of your head.

The longbow is a devastating weapon. It can unleash an arrow capable of killing a man from over half a mile away.

A heavy crossbow can fire a bolt that can punch through plate armour like a bullet through butter.

All the enemy knights, all the enemy infantry, all the enemy archers are looking at the battlefield for someone to kill.

You've paid money to have brightly coloured feathers sticking out of your head. Lots of money. Lots of feathers.

Are you mad? Are you from Mars? What is your ****ing problem? Do you want to die? Is that it?

Every mating season, the female sparrow sits and hides on the edge of an open field of grass. Every mating season, the male sparrows dance in dizzying displays of aerial agility that would put a fighter pilot to shame. The dance is intricate, complex and beautiful. The male dances through the air over an open field or plain, grassland with no trees near. Always open grassland. Never near trees.

Buzzards and Sparrowhawks hover overhead. Natures cruise missiles, their ability to kill has been honed over untold millions of years to an unimaginable degree of deadly excellence.

And all the while, underneath, deep in cartwheels and ambition, the sparrows twist and turn with one eye to the threat from the heavens above.

Honesty. Genuineness. Reality.

The things you cannot fake.

All evolution rests upon this. The things you cannot fake.

You cannot fake skill, speed and dexterity. Not if you are dancing cartwheels beneath a rain of talons. It must be real. If you survive. If you survive you must be the real deal.

Why do Kung Fu masters fight blindfolded? Why do entertainers juggle chainsaws? Why do we wear extravagant clothing?

Why do people dance? Why do they walk tightropes? Why do they skydive? Why do they sprint?

You cannot fake strength, combative skill or martial valour if you're wearing plumage - if you're wearing a panache - on a medieval battlefield. Not if you survive.

You cannot fake fighting wearing a blindfold. Not if you win the fight.

You cannot fake balance on a tightrope. You cannot fake coordination when you're keeping three chainsaws in the air at once. You cannot fake courage when you leap from a plane. You cannot face athleticism when you win the olympics.

You cannot fake confidence when you're laughing wearing New Rocks and a pimp hat. You cannot fake integrity when you tell a truth that hurts your chances of pulling. You cannot fake decency when you never give people ****, even when you're well within your rights to do so. You cannot fake strength when you let the **** that hits you bounce off you like rain off a kevlar vest. You cannot fake courage when you approach a model and say hello like that's all you actually want to say.

You think you're good enough for her? Show her you are. Don't tell her. Show her.

Demonstrate your higher value.

Put plumage on your armour.

Then fight like you don't give a **** who sees you.

Ever Yours

Jekyll
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Derek Flint

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Sounds like the ricers who put all that flashy **** on their slow ass cars.

The truly confident don't need to advertise, don't need to dress in a manner that screams "Look at meeeeeee!"

Who the hell wants to be a male version of Paris Hilton?
 

drjekyll

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Derek Flint said:
Sounds like the ricers who put all that flashy **** on their slow ass cars.

The truly confident don't need to advertise, don't need to dress in a manner that screams "Look at meeeeeee!"

Who the hell wants to be a male version of Paris Hilton?
I take your point, and I agree completely. I hope that I did not give the impression I was advising people to be overly flashy.

At the same time, I believe that when someone asks me how they should dress, I'll usually answer - dress how you'd dress if you just wanted to express who you were. Dress as a statement. Make dressing as much a statement of your personality as what you actually say. Don't just wear what you feel comfortable in. Wear what you feel good in. Wear whatever screams - this is me and I don't give a **** who sees it.

If that means a grey dress shirt and slacks, wear that. If it means a top hat and new rocks, wear that. It's not important what you wear - what is important is that whatever you do in your life is a statement, and how you dress is part of that.

The other thing I'd say is that this post is not exclusively about what you wear. It is also about an attitude, an attitude to what you are saying about yourself by what you do. A panache does not have to mean physical peacocking.

It could mean something else entirely. Something greater.

It could mean all the little stylistic finesses in how you speak that are so much a part of you that you don't even notice them. It could mean the fact that you never, ever take shortcuts by backstabbing your friends, but you still get ahead in your job.

It could mean being a moral person in an immoral age, and still being a success.

That's a panache I'd be happy to wear.
 

Derek Flint

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Fair enough, I agree.

Peacocking is a Pet Peeve of mine, because there are very few guys that can pull it off, and the rest look like dumb posers.

Ask them why they do it, and many will tell you that they do so because they get approached/attention from women when they do.

Which to me, is counter-productive. As Men, it is our job to approach women, not the other way around.

Peacocking, in the Mystery sense of the word is yet another gimmick.

I hate gimmicks, and I think they do more harm than good in the long run, as they delay guys from growing and becoming the type of person that they need to be to attract quality women, but people are looking for the shortcuts, the easy fix.

I remember when I saw Mystery lecture at my local Lair, and seeing all those guys that showed up "Peacocked" with their New Rock boots, and fuzzy top hats and all that other stuff.

It was pathetic. I really felt bad for those guys.
 

drjekyll

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Derek Flint said:
Fair enough, I agree.
*phew*

Derek Flint said:
Peacocking is a Pet Peeve of mine, because there are very few guys that can pull it off, and the rest look like dumb posers.
Sure. It all depends on honesty. If you honestly feel you want to express yourself wearing New Rocks, wear them. They'll suit you. You're 'congruent' with them (I know - massively overused), because they are reflective of your actual personality.

If you want to wear New Rocks, but don't because you're afraid what others will think of you, I advise you to buy a pair and wear them for a ****ing year. Wear them in bed if you must.

If you're only wearing New Rocks to look taller in front of chicks, you are fake. You will know this. Therefore, they will know this.

Derek Flint said:
Ask them why they do it, and many will tell you that they do so because they get approached/attention from women when they do.

Which to me, is counter-productive. As Men, it is our job to approach women, not the other way around.
Yeah, you're right. Actually, I'd go further. If you're wearing it because you only want to get attention from women, then you're basing your self-image on something very fickle and transient.

At the same time, especially if I'm in a club or a loud environment, wearing some kind of conversation piece - an interesting pendant perhaps, or a funky jacket or a hat or whatever - says a lot of good things about you.

If you dress outlandishly and really don't give a **** about it, you are sending off unmistakable and unfakable signals of confidence and strength of character.

This is why peacocking is effective.

Derek Flint said:
Peacocking, in the Mystery sense of the word is yet another gimmick.
True - and yet there is a very interesting theory behind why it works, to my mind, which is what I have sought to explore in this piece.

Derek Flint said:
I hate gimmicks, and I think they do more harm than good in the long run, as they delay guys from growing and becoming the type of person that they need to be to attract quality women, but people are looking for the shortcuts, the easy fix.
Of course. You and I agree entirely.

Derek Flint said:
I remember when I saw Mystery lecture at my local Lair, and seeing all those guys that showed up "Peacocked" with their New Rock boots, and fuzzy top hats and all that other stuff.
Is he really as tall as he looks?

Derek Flint said:
It was pathetic. I really felt bad for those guys.
Sure. As my friend Dr Swift once said, peacocking works if it is a 'personality statement'. I agree wholeheartedly. There's no upward limit to how much of your personalit yyou should want to get out there.

Just make sure you don't look like a total freak.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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aelux

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Dressing is all about what you are confortable with. I dress in khakis and a tweed coat, pretty conservative but girls seem to like the old school coat.

My aspiring actor friend will often rock leather pants/chaps and a leather jacket. A swaggle of girls pulled him over to have their picture taken with him because the leather was "H-O-T."

Clothes are "props" that should primarily make you feel good about your sexual potential. If they make u feel good you will look good which builds an upward spiral.

If wearing a fluffy hat makes you feel like a douchebag you shouldn't wear it. If it makes you feel like a stud wear it.

Girls are looking for someone who can make them feel good about themselves. If you look like you have that to offer that is what will draw women to you.
 

drjekyll

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aelux said:
Dressing is all about what you are confortable with. I dress in khakis and a tweed coat, pretty conservative but girls seem to like the old school coat.

My aspiring actor friend will often rock leather pants/chaps and a leather jacket. A swaggle of girls pulled him over to have their picture taken with him because the leather was "H-O-T."

Clothes are "props" that should primarily make you feel good about your sexual potential. If they make u feel good you will look good which builds an upward spiral.

If wearing a fluffy hat makes you feel like a douchebag you shouldn't wear it. If it makes you feel like a stud wear it.

Girls are looking for someone who can make them feel good about themselves. If you look like you have that to offer that is what will draw women to you.
This is exactly my point about what you wear, and very well put. It's not about wearing what you feel 'comfortable' in, it's about wearing what you want to wear for whatever reason - comfort, attitude, flamboyance, conservativeness - whatever.

The point is that whatever your personality is, you should express it however you can. Don't be inappropriate, but do push the envelope.

See where it takes you.

J
 
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