Promising a marriage?

[Squy]

I will be 22 this year. If everything is going as planned, my education will be done in 3 years.
Is it smart or generally a good idea to give my word to my current gf that I will be back with her in 6 years? Which means then I will marry her. Simply put, we dont live in the same country. She really loves me, no doubt what so ever about that.

What about my DJ life then? If i give my word, my own moral wont allow me to screw around with other chicks in the time. I cant bear that. But on the other hand my gf is an amazing girl, definately marry quality. And I cant just let her be there in 6 years without any promise!

I seriously need your thought on this issue.

 

[OzzyBoy]

**** that. Sorry for being so blunt. I think six years is too long to wait unless i was absolutely in love with her, even three would be pretty hard.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Squy
I will be 22 this year. If everything is going as planned, my education will be done in 3 years.
Is it smart or generally a good idea to give my word to my current gf that I will be back with her in 6 years? Which means then I will marry her. Simply put, we dont live in the same country. She really loves me, no doubt what so ever about that.

What about my DJ life then? If i give my word, my own moral wont allow me to screw around with other chicks in the time. I cant bear that. But on the other hand my gf is an amazing girl, definately marry quality. And I cant just let her be there in 6 years without any promise!

I seriously need your thought on this issue.

WTF?!

You're asking US whether or not it's "okay" to commit to your girl? If I were you, I wouldn't let a bunch of people on the Internet make your life decisions for you.

Six years is a long time to not see each other, especially when you're in different COUNTRIES. You both WILL meet other people. Whether those people meet the quality level you found in each other...hey, I dunno. But that's a long time to just be some text and a photo on AIM or whatever.

First of all, WHY are you concerned with screwing around with other chicks? If it's because SoSuave tells you you should, that's BS. If it's because YOU really want to play the field, maybe you should reconsider if you're ready for marriage.

One other thing...when you say this girl is "marriage quality," what do you mean by that? What qualities do you see in her that make her a good candidate for marriage?

 

[California Love]

You don't seem prepared yet man. Give it a few more years and have fun in the meantime before you settle down.

 

[Squy]

Re: Re: Promising a marriage?

Originally posted by squirrels
WTF?!

You're asking US whether or not it's "okay" to commit to your girl? If I were you, I wouldn't let a bunch of people on the Internet make your life decisions for you.

Who said I let you guys make the decisions for me. I just wanted to see what your opinion is. Before I make my own decision. Maybe you have some ideas that I havent think about.


Six years is a long time to not see each other, especially when you're in different COUNTRIES. You both WILL meet other people. Whether those people meet the quality level you found in each other...hey, I dunno. But that's a long time to just be some text and a photo on AIM or whatever.

That is of my concern too.

First of all, WHY are you concerned with screwing around with other chicks? If it's because SoSuave tells you you should, that's BS. If it's because YOU really want to play the field, maybe you should reconsider if you're ready for marriage.

That what im doing now, reconsidering. Looking for clues. Not sure what to do. Because I dont know what happens if I do this, and do that.


One other thing...when you say this girl is "marriage quality," what do you mean by that? What qualities do you see in her that make her a good candidate for marriage?

She is truly nice, sweet, she is caring for everyone, she got along very well with my entire family from youngest to the eldest, when I was with her.
She doesnt smoke/drink/do drug.
She has class. Rich mom and dad. So definately no gold digger.
She is only 1 year younger than me.
She is feminin. for instance, she has long straight hair, and wear skirt, and a cute pink blouse.
She is cute, smaller and shorter than me.
And finally she cares for me and love me ALOT! Even too much, sometimes it kinda stuns me.

Only negativ is she is from another culture (Vietnamese). My parents are vietnamese too btw, but I've lived seperately from the pure vietnamese culture way too long to even fit in or understandmost of it now. But I do speak the language in a below average way though. Not that my accent is bad, but just my vocalbulary is below average.

 

[Anaconda]

Traditional Vietnamese girls are very loving, caring and sweet and will surely capture most people's heart. Unfortunately, only a small percentage of the these are left in Vietnam. Most of them now are gold diggers and professionals who are very good at acting traditional just to get a marriage license and get their feet over here. Then after two years you'd see their real attitude and "qualities." I'm not saying they're all bad but only a small percentage of the goodies are left. For some reasons, no matter how rich they are (I mean extremely rich using American standards), they still want to migrate to another country, preferrably the US., using whatever means neccessary. So be careful!

I assume you met her during your short trip back there (hopefully not via the web). There's no such thing as love in such a short period of time. It's just an illusion. Just think if there's a prettier girl with such qualities in your school come hit on you, would you say NO to her and wait for the one in VN? Don't lie .

I know what you're thinking. Sorry to say but that thinking is selfish. You want her to wait for you while you're screwing around. If you find someone during the time, she's history, if not, then you'll go back for her. You're just afraid, in the meantime, that if you don't make any promises, she'll go marry someone else. And, supposedly, after 6 yrs you still haven't found anyone, then you'll be empty handed. So, what you're struggling now is what happen if you made a promise and found someone over here .

Whatever the case, you're not ready to commit the way you sound so DO NOT give your words unless you're planning to stick by your words. And do not let anybody pressuring you into promising anything. You commit when you feel you're ready, not when you're parents or her or whoever feel so. And when you commit, be a man and hold your words.

Let's see which of these will hit you .

Easy come easy go.
Out of sight, out of mind.

 

[DEKKA]

I must point out one thing to you. Just because a chick has rich parents doesn't make her "definitly not a gold digger". In fact, I believe rich families produce more gold diggers than non-rich families. Rich parents tell their daughters to find rich guys so they can sustain the same quality of life they are accustomed to. I wouldn't trust anyone with marriage, until after a trial period of a year or more, if i thought they had something substantial to gain from it like immigration or financial security. Thing is though, most women are gold-diggers and we just gotta live with that. In order to get a quality girl you're gunna have to be a successful guy.

 

[Squy]

Originally posted by Anaconda
Traditional Vietnamese girls are very loving, caring and sweet and will surely capture most people's heart. Unfortunately, only a small percentage of the these are left in Vietnam. Most of them now are gold diggers and professionals who are very good at acting traditional just to get a marriage license and get their feet over here. Then after two years you'd see their real attitude and "qualities." I'm not saying they're all bad but only a small percentage of the goodies are left. For some reasons, no matter how rich they are (I mean extremely rich using American standards), they still want to migrate to another country, preferrably the US., using whatever means neccessary. So be careful!

I assume you met her during your short trip back there (hopefully not via the web). There's no such thing as love in such a short period of time. It's just an illusion. Just think if there's a prettier girl with such qualities in your school come hit on you, would you say NO to her and wait for the one in VN? Don't lie .

I know what you're thinking. Sorry to say but that thinking is selfish. You want her to wait for you while you're screwing around. If you find someone during the time, she's history, if not, then you'll go back for her. You're just afraid, in the meantime, that if you don't make any promises, she'll go marry someone else. And, supposedly, after 6 yrs you still haven't found anyone, then you'll be empty handed. So, what you're struggling now is what happen if you made a promise and found someone over here .

Whatever the case, you're not ready to commit the way you sound so DO NOT give your words unless you're planning to stick by your words. And do not let anybody pressuring you into promising anything. You commit when you feel you're ready, not when you're parents or her or whoever feel so. And when you commit, be a man and hold your words.

Let's see which of these will hit you .

Easy come easy go.
Out of sight, out of mind.

Lots of truth in that post, thanks for taking your time posting it.

I met and spent time with her in the last 2 weeks of the 6 weeks trip there to see my relatives.
We had a family trip to Nha Trang, and she was our tour guide. In the evening of the first day, she kinda asked me to have a walk with her on the beach. And our relationship started from there.

Of course if I see someone with the same qualities as her, in my school I would pick her over this VN one...That sounds so cruel hearing it from myself, considering the feeling we share now, but that is what I would do yes. And the girl doesnt even have to be prettier.

Im still doubting she is gold digger, because of several reason.
But you are also right on the case that I seem to be selfish, I felt selfish actually.
What I did is that I told her, our time together was too short for me to get a clear picture of our relationship and to make any further commitments. And if we stay in touch for at least a full year, after that deciding anything further wouldnt be too late either. That is how it's decided for now.

I know what you're thinking
You sure do! This is why I love this site. Thanks again for your post.

 

[dietzcoi]

Waiting six years for a girl you just met?

Do you want to be an AFC your whole life?

It amazes me that such AFCism still lives on...

You are not the retarded white knight. You do not have to rescue her from Viet Nam.

Don't do it! Live your life! Don't waste six years!

Dietzcoi