Progress (and some questions)

[CoolRunning]

27 here, never had a date in my life. I think I might have had some shyness problems from high school on, that I seem to be lifting out of. I am interested in meeting people for pretty much the first time since I can remember.

Of course, I have no idea how. I also have some serious self confidence issues.

My mission today was to go to a local mall and say hi to 3 women who weren't working there. After basically walking around for an hour trying to work up the courage...
#1 - She didn't see my EC. I said "hi", no response. Not even sure if she heard me.
#2 - same as #1
#3 - she was actually a clerk, but I'm counting it because I caught her looking at me when I was outside her store. I walked in, greeted her, we talked for like 20 seconds. Heart pounding, palm sweats, etc.

All in all it took 2 hours, 1 just getting comfortable, then another to approach those 3 people. So as you can see, I pretty much made my goal, which felt awesome. The barrier I am still struggling with is that I feel like I'm intruding into these women's days. The way my brain thinks: when I'm at the mall, I don't want to talk to anyone...so when they're at the mall, they won't either. I guess I will just have to convince myself that other people are always interested in talking. But the 3 responses I got today didn't help with that -- the 2 women who I 'interrupted' ignored me, and I only managed to talk to one who was pretty much captive at her desk, and probably bored as $@!#.

Some questions.
First, the large majority of women at the mall fell into one of these categories, (a) probably too young to take an interest in me (b) were with kids (c) were with a guy (d) were talking on cell phones as they walked (e) were far too old. When I'm practicing just saying "hi", should I include any of these groups? (a) might be okay to include, but I'm a very poor judge of age and knowing my luck would probably get some eye rolls because I just talked to a 15 yr old. (e) might be ok to include too? What would you do? How would who you approach change if you were actually there to pick up women and not just practice chatting?

Also, I'm having trouble thinking of places where I can meet 20-something women. I live in suburbia, so it's not easy to meet people on the street, or to stop at more than one store/coffeeshop/etc. Do you have any recommendations? I'd like to spend at least one evening on the weekdays at such a place. Or early mornning. Or something, I just need ideas. I'm an aviation engineer, so there is no possibility of meeting women at work, lol

Lastly, I have no real friends (just acquaintances that I do stuff with sometimes) so I'm going to have to go this alone, for now, unless I meet some new friends or develop my existing acquaintances. Is that reasonable to try to do?

Ultimate goal? To get laid.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good post, some things:

You meet women wherever. Good post on this site by a fellow DJ who said when he realized women were everywhere, not just the bars and clubs, that he realized the world was his oyster. Women are in libraries, in the stores, in the restaurants, at the gym, at college ... they're everywhere.

Say hi to everyone, the more the merrier. Build up those social skills.

Three, if you set a goal of getting laid, you won't. Women can sniff desparation a million miles away. Getting laid is part of the process and it's best when it naturally happens and it's not a goal or forced.

Your goal should be to date one woman, then two women, and then three and so forth, where you've built up a healthy number of people to go out with. Don't worry about the "relationship" or getting laid, just get those dates and everything will fall into place.

One thing to be wary of since you haven't dated before and that is the dreadful disease of "oneitis." If you don't know what it is, do a search on this site and read up on it. Oneitis is more apt to hit those with less experience and it can be deadly. Read Rollo Tomassi's plate spinning theory (again, do a search) and how that rids one of oneitis.

Good luck!

 

[latebacon]

Hi Cool Running,

Your goal is not to get laid (although it's part of the journey). Your goal is to continually make yourself a better person.

If you pursue your interests, dreams (aviation?) you will meet heaps of people that are like minded and they will be interested in you. Do what you want. Don't try and do or become something you don't want just to please someone

Try and cast a wide net in your interests (I play competitive sport, write scripts for tv, do salsa dancing, travel etc.). It doesn't really matter what your interests are, if you are heading towards the person you want to be and doing what you want to do your confidence will grow because it is not women that give you your sense of value.

It's good your saying hello to strangers. Remember, you do this for you and you shouldn't really care too much whether or not your interrupting them.

Remember to live in the moment. You are saying hello to someone in the street not asking them to marry you. No one I know gets laid from walking up to people in the street.

When you become the person you want and are happy, all of a sudden women will come into your life. Don't get me wrong, you still must act upon these chances when they appear but be happy and the man you want to be first.

 

[CoolRunning]

Well, thanks for setting me straight. I am really clueless. I will read up on oneitis as well, it sounds bad!

Do people really just go up to other people on the street, at the gym, in a grocery store, etc, and just say "hi"? I mean, it sounds stupid to ask, but does that really happen and the person spoken to is sometimes happy to start talking?

Also, are there videos or audios, or even transcripts, somewhere of how a typical chat might go?

Seriously this is my biggest hurdle, believing that people are happy to stop what they're doing or where they're going and talk to some random person. Got any advice?

One last question too, could someone post a weekly schedule that would show how much time you spend at work, how much time you spend in other activities outside your home, etc? I am curious how many things 'normal' people do in a given week. OK re-reading that paragraph it sounds like I'm an alien from Jupiter come to study earth culture. But I swear I am just trying to work out where I want to go with my life.

Cheers & thanks

 

[latebacon]

Hi Cool Running,

Asking other people for advice shows you're not an idiot.

It's second in learning to doing something yourself and experiencing.

Sure you can go up and talk to people.

Say hi and keep going or say "nice day" "how are you doing?

I'm an Aussie so I don't know if that translates ok.

Not everyone will talk back and who cares. But you'll find a lot of nice people in the world if you extend your hand to them.

You sound as if you haven't read the bible.

All of this is covered in there and in bootcamp.

Read it. Take out of it what is valuable for you and disgard what you don't need.

An average working day for me is about 8 hours. I'd spend three -four hours a day pursuing leisure activities (not watching TV) and socializing.

Longer on weekends.

You'd be amazed what you can get done with even just the radio for company in the background (if you need it).

The rest of the time is spent doing the stuff you have to do to survive (ie. sleep, eat , housework)

 

[shyguy32]

Hey welcome to the club man....

1st...a lot of us here were/are like you. I'm not as shy anymore, but not as bold as I would like to be. A couple things that I didn't like was your attitude....your already painting yourself in a corner when you have the attitude like your "interrupting" someone else. If they're on a celly then yeah your probably interrupting, but if not go for it. It's not like your asking them back to your place for a night of hot passionate sex....your just saying HI.

A couple things that you need to do though is read the DJ bible which I'm sure you have been pointed to. The first few exercises will help you out with the shyness thing.

The most important thing starting out IMO is that you get the EC and smile down. Not the smile like I'm a pyscho, the smile like damn I'm having a good day how about you. The EC...don't stare, but when your walking by or they're walking by...don't be afraid to stare them down...just make sure you have that i'm having a great day smile on your face when you do it.

Good Luck though man....it's all about expanding yourself.