Professional tumba umba

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

backseatjuan

Banned

Nov 5, 2015

Something you don't see in America, here is a little taste of summer in Russia. Every summer hundreds of doctors, engineers, and even lawyers - people with good professions in the west - come to Russian resort cities to work as tumba-umbas. They dress up in African costumes, and walk the beaches, entertaining people.

It pays to leave you good paying job, take a vacation, and come work as tumba-umba - I guess it does if they do that.

P.S. Backbreaker is looking up ticket prices.

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.