Problems, but want to solve it myself. Opinions needed.

[DjVelvet]

Intend to post here, but posted wrongly at the main discussion forum. Anyway...

Hey guys,

I hate to admit now. I am having quite a bad Oneitis. (First time I had Oneitis after I came to ss.com) Its painful but still managable…

Instead of asking for explicit advices, I am going to post my OWN analysis and solution and see if I'm on the right track. You guys assess.

I 've been seeing this HB8 for around 3months (8dates). For the first 2 months, everything is great and she was all over me in fact. Used a lot of challenge and I can see that she craved for my attention during that period.

However, Too much of a challenge.. Is fatal too (Especially for asian girls, challenge should be toned down on them which i realised later.)…. She did not verbally claim that I was too much of a challenge but indirectly, she thought I'm seeing other girls, which makes her eject from me. & she stopped calling me as usual. However, I still think she have slight interest for me (although it had dropped to a certain level).

After which, we stopped contact for around 3weeks… (I was on a backpacking trip)
When I returned from my trip, I contacted her and she was happy to hear from me. And we met up last Saturday for a night date and we were holding hands.

I escalated her to my home, and apparently no s3x happened.
At my home, her body language is against me, not receptive to my kinos (surfing net on my computer) and my gut feeling tells me that something's wrong and she's not really into me as much as the previous dates.

I tried several push and pull on the kinos and still in vain, she mention she wants to go home after a while. Then I figure out I really have to TAKE a big step back. I stood up and say, "You are right, let's go home." I later go do up my hair and tell her that I will be meeting someone else even though it is already midnight.

I can tell that action gave her a slight shock, she's taken aback. I looked at her coolly and escalated to a make out session. After a while, she stopped when my dad closed his door opposite with a slight bang.. (DAMM, Bad timing). She says she got to get going home...

(From here on. I admitted to some mistakes made)

The mood got a bit emotional and I asked her to be my girlfriend (She had asked me to be her bf before, but i screwed up by being too C&F that moment).

She was shocked and in deep thoughts. And she mentioned she's confused, and said that she initially thought that I don't like her (Because of too much challenge being used... too aloof.) She admitted she's already confused and thinking of me when I was away for that 3 weeks.

I mentioned that I do like her, but it will be okay we remain friends too. (I wasn't pushy or clingy in this matter). She says she will like to consider (Oh shet) and will give me an answer soon. (I don't really care about answers anyway, I prefer it to fall naturally, although my emotions made me declare my feelings.)

I see her home, and on the way, we are hugging and holding hands and she falls asleep on my shoulder. When we reach her home, we rest in the garden and begin humming our favourite songs and holding hands like a sweet couple.

We didn't talk much and basically enjoying one another's company (I don't know why, I don't feel like escalating Kino at that point and pulling back will be great due to the "I like you" mistake). Seriously.. that's the part which makes smile and happy for that whole night.

We hugged for a long time after that and she said that she just feel like hugging me and doing nothing else. (At this point, I thought that it is ON. Because after expressing the intention for her being my gf and she reacted positively so far, I think it will be smooth sailing)

After seeing her home, she send me a sms and wishes me good night, she say she will call me the next day but I declined, saying that I will call her instead.. Ended that night on a high note although AFCed.

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The next day, woke up in the afternoon and called her, fluffed. She mentioned about meeting up during the midnight as she was curfewed during weekdays, and she will sneak out when her family members are asleep. She says she will call me back around that time. (Btw, we live really near one another.)

& I thought that's high interest…. But... When midnight comes, no calls from her. I called her but she was already asleep and I woke her up, but her tone was good. I ask her to sleep and keep in contact, thus we did not meet up afterall. She mentioned she will call me back.

However. She did not call back for 2 days. I realised that her actions doesn't match her words. So I became a bit wary and decided to standby in case of Oneitis…

Emotions got over me, I called her 2 days later. Her tonality is not as good as before and she's at home playing some computer game, I asked her out on a weekday. (Dumbo me.. I knew she had curfew and yet I asked her out on a weekday) She declined of course. I noticed her interest level dropped, most prob due to my AFCness that day. I said to her, "alright another time. Keep in touch".

Solutions?

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Anyway, here are my analysis and what I'm going to do.

First thing first, I am going out to sarge tonight for more numbers.

From her inconsistent behavior and "actions doesn't match words", I have intention to NEXT her.. But I wouldn't want to jump the gun so soon.

I feel that its her having Low interest and trying to lead me on. (She knows that she had me alright…)

Don't intend to call her up.. I have been pushing quite a bit for these few days.. Most probably I will wait till Friday before I call and ask her out for a Saturday. Or Maybe, I don't intend to call anymore…

Jeezz.. I hate Oneitis and this kinda situation…

All these Oneitis is beginning to make my heart immune to breakages….. I felt pain.. But not as pain as before anymore…

Greatly Appreciated. Guys.

 

[DjVelvet]

I'm very much in control now.

Maybe i missed out. We made out several times.. I.e. Kissing and touching.

I like her a lot, and i mean damm lot. But.. I choose to read my situation in a very calm mind and read things from actions..

I'm going to be a director of my own life.
This is a structure on what I plan to do. Here goes.

ME-oriented.
1) I called up my friends and we will be sarging tonight and tomorrow night. To see who'r lucky girls that will be hitted by me =)

2) I'm already hitting the gym and concentrating on myself, NOT for anyone but my self-improvement.

3) Engaging in new activities. I will be taking up Martial Arts ie. Muay Thai starting next week.

4) Doing up my tooth, I have a slight strain on my front tooth.

Above is definately what you guys will recommend me to ^^.

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Outer Game - Towards my HB.

a) I am not calling her back until Friday, and ask her out for a Saturday since she cannot go out on weekdays. If she declined, I will get the hint and put her to a lower priority, or rather. Next.

b) If she did call me back, I will grab my power back via.
Letting her know subtly that I'm seeing other girls and she's no longer the priority. Be indifferent and even if she asks me out.
I will not accept immediately and say things like "I'll check my schedule first, will get back to you"
Aka. Using Challenge, but risky.
Because I was over-challenging before and she may give up on me.

c) When communicating with her, don't bring up about the "asking her to be my gf" topic. I.e. Light and funny topics and no heavy stuffs.

d) (This is mad smart, Credit to Slicker) When out on a date with her, talk to the cashier, flirt with any cute shop assistant and it will bring her in check that I'm sociable and capable of getting other girls. <I'm really good in socialising when I'm with a girl>

Great plan? Or Overboard?

Calibration is the key.

ps. I identified my reason for Oneitis for lacking of enough chicks in my life now.

Just to put myself on check if I'm heading to the right track or not.

 

[SoCalMike]

You're on the right track with most of this, for example seeing other girls is exactly what you should be doing.

But flirting with other girls in front of her might backfire. With some girls slight flirting (just a tad) with other girls won't bother them and will make them like you more. But if you flirt too much girls get jealous and try to get "revenge" somehow - most likely by not putting out. I would avoid the flirting thing if I were you. Also, do not mention dating other girls unless she asks. Again for the same reason.

And dude, YOU NEVER ask a girl "will you be my g/f?" or whatever you said. That's suicide. Just like sex you never mention it with a new girl you haven't banged yet. Let HER ask you if you'd like her to be your G/F.

And if she says she'll call and doesn't, YOU DON'T CALL. Unless you've been together and banging for a while, you don't call.

Basically the ball is in her court now. Don't pursue her anymore. If she's interested let her come to you. She knows you like her.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

DJVELVET, I like you, I think you've had some good insights on other threads here, so don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to give you both barrells here.

HOW OLD ARE YOU? HOW OLD IS THIS GIRL? WTF are you still living at home for? Why is this little girl sneaking out of her parents house to see you? Your problem isn't technique, it's your whole mindset - WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU THINK THIS CHILD WOULD BE SOMEONE TO HAVE ONEITIS OVER? Are you that out of options that this kid playing computer games is a girl you'd want an LTR with?

The reason you've developed ONEitis with this child is because you have no other options - no other plates spinning. This is then aggrivated by the fact that you too are living at home like a kid, so her being a kid not only makes you identify with her, and excuse her, but it also makes things convenient. If you were infact an adult you'd be so occupied with establishing yourself and meeting the challenges of supporting yourself that this little kid wouldn't be an option for you. Both you and she need to grow up.

Obviously it's easy for me to tell you to move on and focus on your own personal development (like getting your own place for a start) when you've developed emotional chains to this girl, but it's what you need to do before it becomes a habit for you.

 

[DjVelvet]

DJVELVET, I like you, I think you've had some good insights on other threads here, so don't take this the wrong way, but I'm going to give you both barrells here.

HOW OLD ARE YOU? HOW OLD IS THIS GIRL? WTF are you still living at home for? Why is this little girl sneaking out of her parents house to see you? Your problem isn't technique, it's your whole mindset - WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU THINK THIS CHILD WOULD BE SOMEONE TO HAVE ONEITIS OVER? Are you that out of options that this kid playing computer games is a girl you'd want an LTR with?

The reason you've developed ONEitis with this child is because you have no other options - no other plates spinning. This is then aggrivated by the fact that you too are living at home like a kid, so her being a kid not only makes you identify with her, and excuse her, but it also makes things convenient. If you were infact an adult you'd be so occupied with establishing yourself and meeting the challenges of supporting yourself that this little kid wouldn't be an option for you. Both you and she need to grow up.

Obviously it's easy for me to tell you to move on and focus on your own personal development (like getting your own place for a start) when you've developed emotional chains to this girl, but it's what you need to do before it becomes a habit for you.

Thanks for the advice, some things i will clarify.

She's 23, I'm 25. We are both Asians (Me Singaporean Chinese, She Korean) and unlike the states, we stay with our family till marriage. Its inbuilt in our culture, hope you understand.

She comes from a dominant Korean family (Where men are very protective towards the females in their family). Curfews are widely implemented. That's one thing i like about korean men is that, when the men say something, their women follow, (not the main point in this thread actually).

Playing computer games is rather a casual pasttime (hardly heard her play) by her as she had not much friends in the country. (She's a foreigner). Other than that, she's studying in a local language school in my country.

One red flag i overlooked, she wasn't playing much attention when I was talking during the date. Frankly, I made up my mind. I will not say Next her, but place her of a low priority. It do me no good in the long run...

Another part of me is "Try asking her out one more time. If negative result, move on". But the ball's at her court and she knows I liked her. She had all the power.

Anyway, I'm confused and don't want to think about it for tonight, I'm off to meet some girls in a club. Wish me luck!

 

[Hitman10000]

Great read and comments from other responders, so here are my comments in bold:

The mood got a bit emotional and I asked her to be my girlfriend (She had asked me to be her bf before, but i screwed up by being too C&F that moment).

Never ask a girl to be your girlfriend

I mentioned that I do like her, but it will be okay we remain friends too. (I wasn't pushy or clingy in this matter). She says she will like to consider (Oh shet) and will give me an answer soon. (I don't really care about answers anyway, I prefer it to fall naturally, although my emotions made me declare my feelings.)

Don't ask if you can remain friends with her

The next day, woke up in the afternoon and called her, fluffed. She mentioned about meeting up during the midnight as she was curfewed during weekdays, and she will sneak out when her family members are asleep. She says she will call me back around that time. (Btw, we live really near one another.)

When a girl says she will "call you back" or "reconfirm" with you, that rarely means she will do as she says

However. She did not call back for 2 days. I realised that her actions doesn't match her words. So I became a bit wary and decided to standby in case of Oneitis…

See? You're asking for solutions, just back off completely.

First thing first, I am going out to sarge tonight for more numbers.

From her inconsistent behavior and "actions doesn't match words", I have intention to NEXT her.. But I wouldn't want to jump the gun so soon.

I feel that its her having Low interest and trying to lead me on. (She knows that she had me alright…)

Don't intend to call her up.. I have been pushing quite a bit for these few days.. Most probably I will wait till Friday before I call and ask her out for a Saturday. Or Maybe, I don't intend to call anymore…

Brilliant, do exactly what you said.

 

[DjVelvet]

Guys, sometimes there are so many contradicting advices which make the people in ss.com confused.

example for my case.
Most people advise me, Do not call her anymore, you have already caved in and she knows you have high interest in her. The Ball's at her COURT!

To be frank, is it always the case? There's a saying by a great friend whom's a natural, "As long as you don't sub communicate neediness when you call, you can call as many times as you want. Just don't mention anything that will make her feel pressured, but not like 10 times per day"

I believed I did not subcommunicate neediness. And avoided all negative and heavy issues in my recent phone convo.

I'm giving a last shot by calling on Friday, asking her out on sat. (last contact being Tuesday) in a casual fun mood. Needy?

If she declined, I will treat my past with her as a sweet memory and not look back again.

 

[Latinoman]

DJVelvet...

It is my experience that many Asian cultures (especially Chinese and Japanese) goes through a lot of protocol and traditions.

I'm afraid that many times the advice can actually cause more harm than help. Especially if it comes from people (myself included) that have little understanding about the cultural background of the players.

 

[SoCalMike]

Guys, sometimes there are so many contradicting advices which make the people in ss.com confused.

example for my case.
Most people advise me, Do not call her anymore, you have already caved in and she knows you have high interest in her. The Ball's at her COURT!

To be frank, is it always the case? There's a saying by a great friend whom's a natural, "As long as you don't sub communicate neediness when you call, you can call as many times as you want. Just don't mention anything that will make her feel pressured, but not like 10 times per day"

I believed I did not subcommunicate neediness. And avoided all negative and heavy issues in my recent phone convo.

I'm giving a last shot by calling on Friday, asking her out on sat. (last contact being Tuesday) in a casual fun mood. Needy?

If she declined, I will treat my past with her as a sweet memory and not look back again.

it depends, you have to feel the situation out. for example, she says she's gonna call you at a certain time and doesn't: DON'T CALL HER BACK. if she finally does call, say "you never called, what happened?" but do not be mean or needy sounding.

courting women not an exact science. the best advice i can give is, how would you perceive your behaviour if you were in her shoes? would it come off as mean? p*ssylike? too nice?

you have to walk that line between p*ssy and a*sshole. you have to be a "nice guy" but also strong, and full of pride. if your guy friends dish out BS, you call them on it - do the same with women.

as for what latinoman said you should have mentioned your were both from traditional asian families, because that is a factor. in those cases, you proceed in a similar manner, just not so "harsh" as you would with most americanized women. you have to be more gentleman-like, but at the same time still a MAN.

no matter what the culture, you always have to be the boss (not to be confused with tyrant though). I have found that dominating gently works best.

With traditional asian girl, you may need to display interest more than you would with an american girl. which means you can be more romantic, call more often, etc. but again, not to the point where she gets bored or you scare her off by seeming desperate. if her interest seems low, back away regardless.

 

[Hitman10000]

Guys, sometimes there are so many contradicting advices which make the people in ss.com confused.

example for my case.
Most people advise me, Do not call her anymore, you have already caved in and she knows you have high interest in her. The Ball's at her COURT!

To be frank, is it always the case? There's a saying by a great friend whom's a natural, "As long as you don't sub communicate neediness when you call, you can call as many times as you want. Just don't mention anything that will make her feel pressured, but not like 10 times per day"

I believed I did not subcommunicate neediness. And avoided all negative and heavy issues in my recent phone convo.

I'm giving a last shot by calling on Friday, asking her out on sat. (last contact being Tuesday) in a casual fun mood. Needy?

If she declined, I will treat my past with her as a sweet memory and not look back again.

FORGET HER FOR NOW! Dude... be a man, no you won't listen. Go ahead and call.