I've been dating a woman who lives in Toronto. I live in Florida, I met her in a club while she was visiting with four of her friends. I went to Toronto for a long weekend for her company holiday party. We went to the Bahamas for 4 nights for new years. Last weekend I went to Toronto again. Last night I told her I would visit for a whole week on Superbowl week. She texts me later on and asks if I can come to Toronto this weekend, I told her I wasn't sure I could because I have a lot of work to do, I'm a self employed accountant. Today I called her at work and she wasn't talking, I asked her if she was upset, she said she was frustrated that I couldn't see her this weekend, and that she knew it wasn't my fault. I just spoke with her a little while ago, she still seems upset. It's getting pretty serious between us, if all goes well I'm going to move to Toronto in the summer, not just for her, I love it there. She is a very wealthy career woman, and we get along great. How do I handle her getting upset that I can't see her?
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Problem with long distance
- Thread starter Willard
- Start date
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Scaramouche
Master Don Juan
Dear Willard,
A relationship like that is one waste of good money and time...Also it skews ones perceptions,giving the illusion of people being a lot more fun than they are...just forget her or see her as a desultory Plate!
A relationship like that is one waste of good money and time...Also it skews ones perceptions,giving the illusion of people being a lot more fun than they are...just forget her or see her as a desultory Plate!
The problem with LDRs based on short encounters like this are that they are based mostly on imagination. As in, imagining that this relationship is really romantic, really perfect, really real - it must be, if your love can span the continent.
It's not your fault. You two just aren't around each other, so your mind has no choice but to fill in the blanks of your relationship on its own.
I'm not saying that yours is definitely not genuine, nor that it's definitely for real - I just don't know. The problem is, you don't either - and getting tangled up in drama over being unable to drop things at a moment's notice to fly into another country for the weekend when you just don't know... when most of your relationship is based on imagination... just seems like, if I could use an accounting term to get through to you, bad ROI.
It's not your fault. You two just aren't around each other, so your mind has no choice but to fill in the blanks of your relationship on its own.
I'm not saying that yours is definitely not genuine, nor that it's definitely for real - I just don't know. The problem is, you don't either - and getting tangled up in drama over being unable to drop things at a moment's notice to fly into another country for the weekend when you just don't know... when most of your relationship is based on imagination... just seems like, if I could use an accounting term to get through to you, bad ROI.
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
You are right about the imagination part. I stopped seeing a girl I was seeing for 4 months because of this girl, it was going great with her too. I had another girl I others I was seeing for a few months, neither one was anywhere near as great as the current one. This crisis seems to be over now, we had a nice talk earlier. I'm going to see how things pan out, I'm not getting hurt by this girl, I know there are plenty of others out there. I'm going out clubbing this weekend in Miami, I'm going to get some numbers and have fun. I just don't want to have another relationship while I'm seeing her, I'm going to find a FWB or something casual. Thanks for the great advice.
Greasy Pig
Master Don Juan
First comes what just happened and then will come the: "But if I just need a hug, you're not there!"
Don't worry, if it all goes to shyt, she will make out it's your fault.
All my girlfriends over the years have lived at least an hour's drive away. Not ideal but that's just how it's panned out for me.
With the three previous ones before my current, I dumped one because she stopped putting out and the two dumped me using similar reasoning as I mentioned above (hugs).
Beware. The signs are already there.
Don't worry, if it all goes to shyt, she will make out it's your fault.
All my girlfriends over the years have lived at least an hour's drive away. Not ideal but that's just how it's panned out for me.
With the three previous ones before my current, I dumped one because she stopped putting out and the two dumped me using similar reasoning as I mentioned above (hugs).
Beware. The signs are already there.
I'm just taking a shot in the dark here, but i'm assuming she want's to see you now as opposed to during the Super Bowl because she may be feel like she wants things to work out with you but she may have someone local also interested in her. Seeing you now would help keep her occupied, busy, and away from this guy.
I'm assuming you both have somewhat established careers and are at least 25+ in age. If she's a smart girl, she probably knows it's unreasonable for her to ask you to make a trip to visit her on such short notice so she's probably asking out of potential desperation situation which i just stated above.
I could be totally wrong and she might just miss you a lot.
Just my 2 cents.
-AAA
I'm assuming you both have somewhat established careers and are at least 25+ in age. If she's a smart girl, she probably knows it's unreasonable for her to ask you to make a trip to visit her on such short notice so she's probably asking out of potential desperation situation which i just stated above.
I could be totally wrong and she might just miss you a lot.
Just my 2 cents.
-AAA
Colossus
Master Don Juan
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My gf and I are (were) long distance. We met 9 months ago, she lived in Michigan and I live in Colorado. We saw each other every 3-4 weeks, alternating visits.
She's moving here as we speak.
Honestly with her it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but I wouldn't advise other guys to do the LDR thing. Our circumstance was a bit different.
However, what Cword said about imagination is totally true. Your relationship cant progress beyond a certain point because talk/text/skype only go so far. You aren't living life together. I think the cheating risk increases linearly over time as well...for both parties but probably more the woman. They get lonely, entertain other men, "hang out"....you know how it goes.
She's moving here as we speak.
Honestly with her it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but I wouldn't advise other guys to do the LDR thing. Our circumstance was a bit different.
However, what Cword said about imagination is totally true. Your relationship cant progress beyond a certain point because talk/text/skype only go so far. You aren't living life together. I think the cheating risk increases linearly over time as well...for both parties but probably more the woman. They get lonely, entertain other men, "hang out"....you know how it goes.
SecondHalf
Master Don Juan
Big step!Willard said:
If you broke up tomorrow, would you still choose to immigrate to Canada?
Think very carefully about this one because I sure wouldn't do it if it's just about a woman. Another state/province ... ok, sure, but one's country and citizenship? If you are thinking ... no problemo, I can get dual. Yes, maybe, but it's costly. I had the opportunity because of my American born mother, but because my earnings are 6 figures, I'd have to pay tax on both sides.
There is no point in me or any other telling you NO! You're going to do what you must. But I would want a little something to protect you from your current chemical imbalance (young love). Whatever the timeline is for your arrival, add a year to it. If you're still together in a year, then maybe it's for you.
I'm willing to wager though ....
SH
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.