problem with girl in class...

[jdjd]

so...i meet a cute chick in my psy class...

met her on first day...exchanged numbers right away...i guess thats good?
email / facebook all that mumbo jumbo....

i wasnt really interested in her at first....after 2-3 more classes i was starting to be....so i decided to ask her out for coffee and study together sometime...

to make this short...she flaked out on me once....and told me shes sorry...blah blah....told me she was feeling sick and etc....

i didnt bother anymore after that....

so she always sits next to me in class....and like she just keeps on talking to me..and only me...like everyone else didnt exist.
wants to do group work with me only and etc...

I really want to tell her to just piss off....cuz u know....im interested...and i think shes not? like most people said...flaking is a sign of disinterest...or should i ask her to do something again then decide?

lets say she flakes out on me again..whats a good way to tell her to just piss off?

thing is...i cant just ignore her when were in class...thats pretty rude and will ruin my rep among others in class....

advice?

 

[Energizer]

Dude, relax will you. She flaked on you once...Big deal. You're letting your bruised ego dictate your thoughts. She clearly likes you from what you have posted and you like her, ask her out again and see what happens. You do not need to ignore her, if she flakes on you again, just don't pursue her and if she makes any more advances turn her down politely and directly whilst maintaining calmness and politeness. There's no need to get all nasty, it's her loss at the end of the day.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

As much as some guys here like to say "next" at the first sign of flaking, it was only once. If she couldn't make it, then that's a shame. If it's your first time going to hang out, you could always say you're going to the coffee shop to study with a friend and that she could join you. That way, if she flakes again, you're still hanging out with a buddy rather than sitting there waiting with your thumb up your butt.

If she flakes a couple more times, then I'd say stop pursuing her, but one time isn't the end of the world.

 

[moto]

ask her again, comon if you were her and you were sick you wouldnt go out either. Sometimes you just dont feel like it

 

[jdjd]

poster above me...

u say surprise her...throw her off? basically.....just ignore her for the next class...but after that...talk to her again?

sorry didnt really quite understand what u wrote...

 

[everywomanshero]

Dude I've had chicks cancel on me the first time we were gonna meet. I thought, **** this chick she's flaky, and then had those chicks turn out to be very reliable. Like the other peeps said it was one time, there is nothing written in stone either way here.

In general you never put yourself out with a new girl though. Make it so that if she does flake it's no big deal. How do you do that? Invite her to meet you somewhere around the corner from your place. If she doesn't show up, you wasted 10 minutes, big deal. Also show up late so you don't have to wait around. Then if she shows, just take her back to yourplace and fvck her. If you are really, really unsure about her then have her meet you somwhere that you'd be going anyway. Now if she doesnt show you're out zero minutes and miles. If you let her drag you into something that's going to be a pain in the ass for you, then you're setting yourself up for frustration if something goes wrong.

 

[jdjd]

oh hey wow...

thanks!

 

[Sophomakhos]

Yes, I think that some people can be too unfair at times. Flaking once is excusable, in my view - you never know, she may have a genuine excuse, like falling ill, or being kidnapped by Taleban terrorists... It does happen (well not usually the terrorists, but you know what I mean).

Having said that, a carrot-and-stick method is a good one nonetheless. If she flakes on you, you pay her less attention. So try another date, and if it goes well, reward her with more attention. Rinse and repeat.

 

[izza]

One thing: I do want to respect Sophomakhos' post - keep in mind that you get to decide what happens in your life. If this is unexcusable to you, then that's fine. I think maybe that's a bit harsh for most people, but it's your life.

Anyway to quote myself:

I [have said] that if a person takes attendance as a test of interest, that a person is acting like an idiot. That might be kind of a stronger statement than I mean - and I think that interest is involved when a person flakes, but I think it's important to keep in mind that other factors are involved. I think evaluating a person's interest based solely on a flake is kind of an ego-centric way of looking at the world. But like I said, there is almost always some justification to it. I just don't think it's the whole picture.

But when a girl flakes, it pisses me off. Don't get me wrong. I really get annoyed. I don't always think it's worth opening a line of communication (aka what happened?). Some women are just really forgetful with a lot of people. They can be worthwhile in certain situations. Besides, it has less to do with interest than maturity.

One final thing I want to point out. I don't think most guys understand how dangerous dating is for women. Guys already have the "will I fall in love, will she laugh at me stuff." And just with that, dating is hard for us. Or how about a fear of pregnancy. Let's not forget that 1/4 women are sexually assaulted in their lifetime. One out of every four who walks down the street will be sexually assaulted. That's an enormous percentage. Think if that was guys.

Plus there are tons of clingy guys who symbolically propose marriage on the first date - and I haven't even gotten into stalkers, arrogant jerks, and date rape etc. Add to that the fear of being labeled a slut for wanting sex. Other women hate sluts and can make them feel terrible.

For men and women, but especially women, even showing up for a date is in many ways an act of courage. I think if we want to succeed with women, we need to realize why women hold back so often.

Perhaps the word idiot is inappropriate, but I do think that to conclude that she didn't come to your date based solely on whether or not she was interested in you or in sex lacks understanding of a lot of women. But I do agree that in many cases, lack of interest is basically the best explanation.

That said, if our society didn't have so many taboos against women wanting to have sex, I think dating would be a lot more casual. You wouldn't need to wow her to get her to have a cup of coffee with you, if you know what I mean.

Anyway, don't fix what's not broken. This is just stuff to think about.

Izza

Ultimately, I think it depends on the girl. What happened? Did she just say sorry? You have no idea why she flaked? I certainly hope you know why she didn't show up before you get all the keyboard jockeys like me on here doing what we love best, speculating