Problem with asking girls out

[Skating Penguin]

Hey guys, I've been having some trouble asking girls out for a particular reason...

Basically, say I ask a girl out who's in one of my classes... if she doesn't like me or something and turns me down, it's obvious that she'll talk about it to other girls she knows and so on until everyone knows about it. This kinda makes it tough because if I want to ask another girl out she'll probably know that I was just turned down by someone else, which in my mind pretty much guarantees that she'll turn me down as well.

I could ask girls out who live in the same dorm floor as I do, but that would probably be even worse.

Then there's the problem of bars. I have no friends who like to go to bars so basically I've got to go alone. And if I go to a bar alone to sip in a few beers and ask a girl out, it'll look awkward. I mean, the girl will know that I went to the bar alone and it'll make it look like if I went to the bar for the sole purpose of asking a girl out, which makes me look desperate and again pretty much guarantees that I'd be wasting my time.

Then, when it comes to parties (I'm going to one tomorrow btw), there's obviously the problem that 100% of the girls there already have boyfriends so basically I'm just losing my time with them.

So, what can I do then? I don't really care if I ask a girl out who I'm never going to see again if she turns me down, but usually that's not the case. So I'm kinda stuck, here... any advice?

 

[arutha]

You're just making excuses.. Who cares what the others think of you?

Then there's the problem of bars. I have no friends who like to go to bars so basically I've got to go alone. And if I go to a bar alone to sip in a few beers and ask a girl out, it'll look awkward

Of course it would, because you don't know her.. Theres also an almost 100% chance she'd turn you down. Start a conversation first, get her interested in you, then get the number. Ring a few days later, warm her up for a couple of minutes, then ask her out. It won't seem so awkward then..

 

[NINJA PIMP]

You are only seeing half the picture, Penguin.

Of course girls will talk about you, but at least they will see you as a man who goes after what he wants instead of a shy little pvssy. Be bold, friend. Who cares what a bunch of bimbos think about you anyway?

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Skating Penguin
Hey guys, I've been having some trouble asking girls out for a particular reason...

Basically, say I ask a girl out who's in one of my classes... if she doesn't like me or something and turns me down, it's obvious that she'll talk about it to other girls she knows and so on until everyone knows about it. This kinda makes it tough because if I want to ask another girl out she'll probably know that I was just turned down by someone else, which in my mind pretty much guarantees that she'll turn me down as well.

I could ask girls out who live in the same dorm floor as I do, but that would probably be even worse.

Then there's the problem of bars. I have no friends who like to go to bars so basically I've got to go alone. And if I go to a bar alone to sip in a few beers and ask a girl out, it'll look awkward. I mean, the girl will know that I went to the bar alone and it'll make it look like if I went to the bar for the sole purpose of asking a girl out, which makes me look desperate and again pretty much guarantees that I'd be wasting my time.

Then, when it comes to parties (I'm going to one tomorrow btw), there's obviously the problem that 100% of the girls there already have boyfriends so basically I'm just losing my time with them.

So, what can I do then? I don't really care if I ask a girl out who I'm never going to see again if she turns me down, but usually that's not the case. So I'm kinda stuck, here... any advice?

The thing is girls dont really gossip with other girls about guys unless tehyre her friend. So you probably have nothing to worry about, and even if she does i dont think it will change how they perceive you too much. People tend to forget about things easily.

Ah the infamous bar scene, same situation. Apparently most of my friends are non-avid drinkers or too ***** for the bar scene.
Regardless with going there alone, nothing wrong with that. You'll only appear desperate if you are desperate with picking up girls there, are you? Just chat them up and have a good time and if all goes well # close.

 

[Tyron]

eeerrmm, im sure someone will give longer and better answer than me but in short

Why do you care so much what others think? So you asked a girl in your class out and she refuses, and even tells her friends.. So you have balls to do that and not be one of those guys watching and dreaming about girls u just asked out or sending papers with secret love revelations. Trust me, asking girls out isn't a bad thing. And what if she says "yes"... :woo:

Go parties/bars to have fun. Talk to girls and try some stuff out, improve your game. If you happen to find someone you would like to date, ask her out. Don't go there and think you "must" ask someone out. Many good DJs, I've heard , doesn't even prefer to go with bunch of friends (or atleast stay with bunch of guys when they arrive), they like to do their stuff alone.

So if 100% of girls in parties have boyfriends, are you jealous or something? Talk to them, have fun. If all goes well they will have friends who aren't in relationship and are intrested in funny and social guy like you. Good looking girls have often good looking friends. And you are not "losing your time", you're rehersing your social skills, having good time and improving your social life.

so my advice, stop thinking and start doing.

 

[john_x]

Originally posted by Skating Penguin
Hey guys, I've been having some trouble asking girls out for a particular reason...

Basically, say I ask a girl out who's in one of my classes... if she doesn't like me or something and turns me down, it's obvious that she'll talk about it to other girls she knows and so on until everyone knows about it. This kinda makes it tough because if I want to ask another girl out she'll probably know that I was just turned down by someone else, which in my mind pretty much guarantees that she'll turn me down as well.

hahah,, its just out of date instinct m8,, this was quoted from some where or other:

Let me share with you a little secret about how all men's brains - including YOURS - is wired when approaching woman.

Have you ever thought to yourself, WHY do I get nervous or anxious when approaching a woman? After all, if you approach 5 or 6 new women every day, if you could be absolutely fearless and confident with women, your love and sex life would probably explode. So why would you get nervous and anxious at all -- seems like your brain isn't doing what's best for you does it?

Just take me, for example. Normally, I can approach any women, anytime, anywhere. Even if I screw an approach up, I usually feel fine about it and it doesn't stop me from making the next one.

However, last weekend I was at one of my sister's parties. The place was packed with single girls. Yet when I saw a girl I liked, I would freeze up and this little voice in my head would tell me, "What if you screw up... maybe you shouldn't do this... be careful!"

I just couldn't get that little voice out of my head and I left the party after only an hour because I was getting frustrated with myself.

So how come I could approach an anonymous woman on the street who I'll probably never see again, and yet feel anxious about approaching a woman at one of my sister's parties?

The answer lies in how humans evolved. For most of history, men and women lived in small groups of hunters and gatherers of no more than 100 individuals. If you made a move on ANY woman - and she rejected your advances - EVERYONE would know about it. And that would mean MASSIVE negative social proof with all of your potential mates. Because if one woman rejected you, you'd look like a loser to ALL of the other women you could mate with. You'd seriously jeopardize your ability to ever get laid again and have children.

So your shyness and nervousness is actually a DEFENSE to protect you from looking like a reject in the tribal setting. And that's why, when my sister and her friends were watching me that night at the party, I FROZE UP. After all, if I screwed my approach up with any girl, my sister and ALL of her friends would have seen me - and that would have looked really bad!

However, in today's world we DON'T live in small bands of hunters and gatherers. We DON'T have to worry about one rejection influencing all of the other females (potential mates) we know. In fact, in today's world, when we have the opportunity to approach a woman, we're COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS. We can screw up badly and there are ABSOLUTELY NO CONSEQUENCES!

So we've spent millions of years adapting to an environment where rejection from a girl could mean disastrous consequences - and only in the last few hundred years has the situation completely changed. In other words, what was once a useful strategy for being genetically successful (ie. being cautious when approaching women) is no longer a successful genetic strategy at all!

In today's modern society of anonymity, being nervous, shy, or cautious is DISASTROUS as far as getting laid. Shyness is a computer program in your brain, evolved over millions of years, that is meant to help you and protect you -- but now only hinders you. Times have changed, but your brain hasn't.

now you know its just a program and not you,, over come it