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PROBLEM: the focus is entirely on you vs focus is on the present world around you

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Thank you for listening my friends. In faith i turn to you because i believe there are wize and smart dons who could give me some direction. I am on a tough cross-road here, and im not quite sure which is the right road.

on these boards it is mostly tought that the focus must always be on YOU. And there is a point...beacause you are the constant which never changes, what ever happens you and what you have become remains. If the focus is off you, then you cannot grow.

Law of nature: What does not grow or expand, starts dieing(sp?).



But

there is another school of thought, one in which the focus is off you and on the world arround you. A complete opposite of what sosuave teaches you, is it not?


Yet some of the most powerful and charismatic presences and states iv had always come, when the focus is entirely off me and on present world arround me. It almost feels as god has taken over my body and mind and I am just enjoying the free ride.

how does this school of thought deal with the fact that we all have to grow...well they believe that we have already been created perfect and all we need to do is loose the bad beliefs.

"When a person becomes terribly interesting he has lots of problems, believe me. That is the chasm which is crossed by all of your celebrities, anybody who is foolish enough to become famous. He crosses over from being interested in life to being interesting. And people who are interesting are really no longer interested in life."


When your thoughts are more on others than on yourself, you feel little stress. You act and respond with more intelligence. Your production level increases and you have more fun.(you stop thinking about yourself, not self concious and just have fun and do what you want)

When you are interested, people love your interest in them. They want to be around you. - this is the essence of charisma, making the other person feel as if he/she is important.


BUT...no its not that easy either


Ever notice that when some people try to make you the centre of the universe it just dosnt feel right and youd rather think of them as freaks/idiots/nerds than a charismatic don juan.

and some people are just not comfortable being in the centre of your attention so they feel uneasy and overwhelmed with your attention.


So what is the secret that makes some people bring out the best in other people(these people we love the most because around thm we can be ourselves)

Im sure the answer is out there...probably i even know the answer but i would appreciate if someone could de-code it for me.

looking forward to see the replies.
 

SinJester

Master Don Juan
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No no no. Your taking 'having the focus on yourself' way out of context.

When your thoughts are more on others than on yourself, you feel little stress.
This should be:

When your thoughts are more on others than on yourself, your feeling are completely dependant on other people. If they are feeling down then so will you. But more importantly you only feel good when someone is complementing you and you feel awefull when someone gives you criticism. Sometimes you become so dependant on the aporval of other that you feel bad just because they did't complement you! If you are at peace and are confident within yourself nothing anyone says can bring you down. You are more stable, confident and happier.

you stop thinking about yourself, not self concious and just have fun and do what you want
True, but yourself being the focus doesn't neccesary make you self-concious. Being self-concious is synonumous with being insecure and having a lack of confidence, which is caused by feeling the need to seek aproval of others. So if your focus is on them I can see people taking this wrongly and being even more self-concious as they try to impress THEM rather than feeling that you are worthy and they should be privelaged talking to you (self-focus). I'm not talking about arrogance, I'm talking about inward self-esteem (bragging is not confidence). SoSuave teaches us to have fun and do what we want by not caring what others think of us because we have self-worth.

When you are interested, people love your interest in them. They want to be around you. - this is the essence of charisma, making the other person feel as if he/she is important.
That is just a social skill. It has nothing to do with what SoSuave is about. DJs have GOOD social skills. But in order to do this YOU have to have a good sense of SELF-worth, and confidence.

I think you are getting self-focus (self-confidence? self-improvement?) mixed up with introverts.

Introvert: A person who processes information internally or inwardly, by thinking about it and mulling it over.
Extrovert: Personality type characterized by a focus on the external environment rather than internal, on things rather than ideas.

If people have naturally extroverted personalities then they wouldn't be HERE in the first place. Extroverts have good social skills (acidently, it's just in their nature to be interested in other people) but wont become great musicians, philisophers, scientists etc. They wont really IMPROVE themselves.

Introverted people are often catagorized and shy and quiet but I am introverted at home (I enjoy thinking and reading) but extroverted in social situations (because I have good social skills and enjoy people). You are't neccesary just one or the other.

SoSuave teaches us to be charistmatic and confident, to say that it teaches us to be self-concious is ignorant and mislead. And by the way, perfect does not exhist. Yet we should all strive for perfection. If someone believes they are already perfect they will never improve, never change.

I apologize if I came across as harsh, it is clear that you are just confused and have taken some information the wrong way :)
 
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When your thoughts are more on others than on yourself, your feeling are completely dependant on other people. If they are feeling down then so will you. But more importantly you only feel good when someone is complementing you and you feel awefull when someone gives you criticism. Sometimes you become so dependant on the aporval of other that you feel bad just because they did't complement you! If you are at peace and are confident within yourself nothing anyone says can bring you down. You are more stable, confident and happier.
hey its a great response...but i probably sucked giving you the right context.

the thing that has been bothering me is

when the focus is on you, you tend to analyze and think how you are doing or what you are supposed to do, when the focus is on you then true it is very easy to learn from your mistakes and develop, but when you are more or less done with that, you can just turn your attention to enjoy the world arround you...but then you would stop learning.

who knows maybe we were created perfect...and there is noting to learn but everything to unlearn
 
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