Problem regarding Long Distance Relationship

[biobotz1001]

I'm in a Long Distance(6hr drive) LTR.

I was gone this past weekend on a trip across country. We talked on the phone the night before I left and everything was normal, we discussed how I was going to drive up and visit the next weekend(we usually spend two 3 day weekends together per month), and I said that I'd be busy on the trip and wouldn't get a chance to call her until I got back Sunday. On Sunday, I called her and left a message saying I was back. I tried calling again on Monday with no luck, I left a message again saying I'd call from work Tues.
SUMMARY: Planning to visit her next weekend. I went out of town, and I couldn't get a hold of her for a couple days when I got back

Today I called and got a hold of her. We talked for a while, and she said she hadn't gone to work at all the last week (she chooses her own hours). I reminded her to make sure she had money to cover her rent this month, and she said she would need to work all the next weekend. I said that it would not be worth while to drive up there for the weekend just to sit around while she was at work all day and night, she agreed easily as we had something like this come up once before to the same concusion. So I said I would figure out my schedule for the next month and decide when the next time I could visit would be, then I got off the phone because I was getting ready to leave work.
SUMMARY: When I finally get a hold of her she says she hasn't worked all month and will need to work the weekend I was going to visit to pay rent.

The more I think about this the more it bothers me. She waited until three days before I was going to leave to tell me it wouldn't be worth while to come up, while I had been avilable in town for three days. She could have worked earier in the month when I couldn't come up so it seems she isn't regarding me as as high of a priority as I should be.
SUMMARY: She should have told me immediately that I shouldn't come up so I could replan, and if I only visit a couple weekends a month more care should be taken to make sure my trips work out.

I'm wondering to what level discussion I should have. I think I should say that it was bad she didn't notify me earlier, and saying I don't think she appreciates the effort involved in visiting so she should have to come out and visit me next time. I am almost always the one who goes to visit, she hates traveling, but she pays for everything while I'm there and travel costs so it is usually a fair trade. I think she might say that she wouldnt be able to be the one commuting. To which I would comment that it is hard to maintain a relationship were neither of use sees the other. So in effect this course might cause the ending of the relationship.

I wanted to see if anyone had any objective opinions regarding this, thanks.

 

[Starman]

dude,

all I can say is LDR's can drive u mad like this..the whole "does she care about seeing me as I do?" will drive u BONKERS

I had a LDR that lived 1 hr away..and the whole distance thing brought forth a bunch of insecurities, questions, intentions, trust issues, priority issues that REALISTICALLY COULD NOT BE SOLVED

distance fvcks alot of things up man..and it has NOTHING to do with you..although in your mind you will make it a "test" to see if she is truly into you and what lengths she will go to ..to try and prove Love is StRONGER than distance

eventually one or the other will be let down...stop driving your self nuts..and look for a nice girl locally

 

[Tantric]

yeah, listen to the Starman on this one...

distance is a KILLER! You may still like each other a lot, but keeping something for the sake of holding on to it isn't worth it. I'm not saying you're doing that necessarily, BUT if you guys really wanted to be together, why isn't one of you quitting your job and go live where the other one is?

I'd let it go personally, as it seems like it's already headed in that direction...

 

[biobotz1001]

thanks for the replies

Thanks for the reply. Perhaps the long distance relationship is screwed to begin with.

I'll talk to her about it, what is a good way to introduce the lets talk about this long distance situation discussion.

Does my being bothered by this seem normal then, or should I chaulk it up to the long distance thing making me overly bothered. I'd like to have that in perspective.

 

[bp1974]

If you're gut's telling you there's something for you to be bothered by, then trust it. It's telling you the truth.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

bp's on the money there, you gotta trust your gut.

My LDR failed after a year of trying, and we were in quite a strong relationship.

If your relationship is even slightly less than perfect, distance is gonna kill it.

Bottom line: one of you move, or you will eventually break up. If the latter, start thinking about it now to prepare yourself, cos it can be painful.

Good luck,
Osc.