Prize Mentality Gone Awry - GF's Confidence Shaken

[iqqi]

Surgery is a big deal.

You may need to sit her down and see what is really up.

 

[mrRuckus]

Oh no!!!

I JUST had this same sort of thing happen to me with the girl i started to see recently. Two hours ago!!

I'm on the phone with her and she starts talking about how she's afraid to keep getting attached to me and living up to my standards because she feels if she slips up once she's out on her butt in a dirt heap. She almost said exactly that.. paraphrased... She kinda said she was exhausted trying to convince me and doesn't think she can keep that up if i won't be convinced that she's good.

Wow I didn't meant to put THAT much demand on her and qualify her that much that she thinks she has no chance. It's kind of funny on one level because she has SO much going for her. She's really intelligent, really good looking, and really interesting to talk to about all sorts of things... a real catch... and I know because I qualified her so much and she was always trying to convince me she's the real deal. She passed pretty much everything I could think of... she always knows the right answers.. heh

I don't really think she has low self esteem.. i think i just gave her the impression i'm VERY demanding and that she has no room for error. How does one go about correcting this situation? I mean she hardly is worried about her looks... she's more worried about what actions she does that are going to make me drop her even if she just makes a few small mistakes. I tried to calm her fears a bit saying i know a lot more about you and your character now and that i didn't really mean to come off as some strict drill sergeant or whatever.. i don't really expect THAT much.. just that you treat me well and TRY to do the right thing.

She acts a bit like she's considering bailing before she gets too attached since she figures i'd dump her anyway.... wow. I'm really not that cool.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I had the same issue with a girl I was seeing. She would constantly say she thought I had settled on her as a last resort, thought she wasn't good enough for me etc etc. I was with her a couple of years.

I tried reassuring her, but the problems got worse. In the end she broke up with me because she couldn't handle the fact that I was social, had a lot of friends etc, and she couldn't deal with that kind of thing. She would accuse me of looking at women in the street sometimes, when i actually wasn't and would get upset if she thought I found women on the TV attractive!

Anyway, I actually loved this girl, but I don't think there is anything you can do if a girl wants to feel that way. It's ultimately up to her to sort out her own issues in the end. Of course you can tell them that they look good etc etc, but you shouldn't have to provide self-esteem for a girl.

As for me, I am happier on my own now because at least I can be myself.

It's ironic that women seek such validation, but end up breaking up with US because of it. Like it's our fault they are insecure. When, all we can do, is be truthful, whether they believe us or not. I'm currently in this situation..and it sucks.

There is nothing you could have done, and you should always..be yourself. Being the best you that you can be, and appreciate the time that you did spend with her.