Preparing yourself for a life without a woman by your side.

[Three]

I'm starting to wonder whether that feeling ever goes away as it seems to be something I struggle with - like there's something significant that I can't seem to grasp. I used to think a woman would fill this gap but it doesn't seem to be so (unless I'm just not meeting the right ones )

Are any of the older guys able to comment on this? Does this feeling ever go away? Is it possible to feel completely content?

I wish I could say that it has gone away for me, but I deal with the same thing, man. Of course, considering where I am in life and the ****ty decisions I've made with women, that's not surprising. I've always felt like there was something missing from my life and always tried to fill it by having a wife to "complete" me.

But, then, when that didn't work, I had a bunch of kids. That was the most fulfilling part of my life and helped me grow as a man, but I still felt something was missing.

I have a theory that I've mentioned before in other posts, though. Life is too easy for us. There's no real struggle for survival for us as men. We evolved with a daily battle against the elements, predators, enemies, and starvation and our bodies and minds are built for that. Many of us aren't able to adjust to such and easy life that we lead in the Western world today.

I think that vataloco's advice may be the answer, though. Staying out of LTRs for a couple years or more to adjust to filling the void without needing a partner in life to cover it up. Think about how a male lion spends most of his time alone on the savannah, away from the annoying females and young...

 

[SamTheHobit]

This thread makes me want to jump out of my 6 story apartment window.

At 18 I am already seeing girls that have screwed tons of guys.

Call me bitter but I'm brimming with hate for all these girls.

 

[SteR]

I wish I could say that it has gone away for me, but I deal with the same thing, man. Of course, considering where I am in life and the ****ty decisions I've made with women, that's not surprising. I've always felt like there was something missing from my life and always tried to fill it by having a wife to "complete" me.

But, then, when that didn't work, I had a bunch of kids. That was the most fulfilling part of my life and helped me grow as a man, but I still felt something was missing.

I have a theory that I've mentioned before in other posts, though. Life is too easy for us. There's no real struggle for survival for us as men. We evolved with a daily battle against the elements, predators, enemies, and starvation and our bodies and minds are built for that. Many of us aren't able to adjust to such and easy life that we lead in the Western world today.

I think that vataloco's advice may be the answer, though. Staying out of LTRs for a couple years or more to adjust to filling the void without needing a partner in life to cover it up. Think about how a male lion spends most of his time alone on the savannah, away from the annoying females and young...

Part of me wonders whether the void can ever be filled but I'd like to think that a good woman would contribute to it?

I think you may be on to something with your theory. What's interesting was I was reading a book written by a former homeless man and he talked of how when you're in that situation you just take life day by day and try to make sure you can pull through to tomorrow - everything else takes a back seat. I suppose because we have no 'struggle' it's easy to sit around and ponder over gloomy thoughts. Who knows..

 

[user43770]

I'm starting to wonder whether that feeling ever goes away as it seems to be something I struggle with - like there's something significant that I can't seem to grasp. I used to think a woman would fill this gap but it doesn't seem to be so (unless I'm just not meeting the right ones )

Are any of the older guys able to comment on this? Does this feeling ever go away? Is it possible to feel completely content?

This is a perfectly normal feeling and is brought on by the prefrontal cortex of the brain. The prefrontal cortex plays a big role in cognitive function, mainly the ability to remember. It also gives you the ability to project the future, which we have a tendency to always forecast being worse than it truly will be. Basically, our brains strive to make us unhappy.

To combat this, I've taken to reading literature on the functions of the brain, as well as Zen and meditation. It has helped, but I still struggle with it daily. Your best bet is to try to focus on being happy in the present moment. Try not to think about the past or the future.

 

[Purefilth]

Any ltr I've had has eventually made me miserable/ angry/ a really unpleasant person - mostly towards the girl. I am quite happy how I am, I don't need a woman to make me feel good.

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

After turning 30 and not being anywhere near where i thought i'd be at this point in my life, i'm slowly trying to prepare myself for ending up alone. Given the fact that 50% of all relationships (100% of mine) fail, and that it gets harder to find decent, available women every time, the possibility of a life without a women doesn't seem so unlikely.

One of my problems has been that i've placed too much importance on having a girl. I've taken breakups hard in the past and i've been unable to be as successful with women as i thought i'd be. I have built up recentment and hatred towards women due to excessive rejections and failed attempts to hook up with the women i like. The rejections started to hurt and i'm trying to become indifferent and stop chasing.

Letting go of my original plans and dreams of family life with kids etc. is difficult. Luckily i like my own company, but i sometimes find myself feeling lonely and needy. I hate the neediness and i need to get rid of it.

Preparing to be alone means that i can focus more on other areas in life. I have a good job, own my own apartment and i play sports and work out. Now I'm working out for my health and not to attract girls, which is why i started going to the gym originally. What i really have realised is that you can't count on another person to be there by your side at all times in life. We are born alone and we die alone. We need to be happy just being with ourselves. It's difficult and it kind of feels like giving up, but it also feels liberating.

Have any of you guys ever just accepted that you may never have kids, or may never end up with someone? I will continue to try to date girls, but without any outcome dependance. The focus has to be on me.

so what, at least you've gotten laid before

 

[Wingedsig]

Dealing with this as we speak.

I too am dealing with this.I am 33, very professionally successful, and a decent looking guy.I'm no Beckham, but have had plenty of opportunities.I held off on LTR's for a very long time then had one that ended up being with a BPD woman, left me numerous scars.I am now extremely gun-shy, and think most women have ill intentions, and basically sabotage myself out of fear.My own issues aside, I have found Western women to be entitled to the nth degree.Not to be bitter, or resentful, or Debbie Downer, it is simply the truth.Unless you are the top 20 percent in looks, or top 5 percent earner, don't bother.They will simply swing to that branch when they find it......I am finding that when left to my own devices, I have a very good life.Only seems to be when I throw a chick in the mix, things get all f$*(ed up and complicated.Kinda like Adam and Eve.This **** goes back that far.Adam was doing just fine.Give me my f$#*(ing rib back.

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

**** masculinity

 

[J Roc]

If I was younger I would consider sperm donation. That way your genes can live on but you're not financially responsible. I really wish I would have done this when I was still eligible.

Sperm Donors can be forced to pay child support now!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,314564,00.html

 

[Purefilth]

Sperm Donors can be forced to pay child support now!
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,314564,00.html

Only if like that guy, they try to be part of its life. I mean, come on! Cards and money from 'dad' dude brought that on himself.
If he had spunked in a tube and not put his name on the birth cert. And then turned his back and not sent money and cards like a douche, then he wouldn't be considered the father.

Regular donors won't have that problem.

 

[synergy1]

marriage and kids aren't for everyone. The world isn't having an issue with population, so the 'need' to have children isn't necessary right now. If you like what you are doing and where you are in life, run with it.

At 30, I was somewhat in the same place as you. Unemployed and wondering why I wasn't where I wanted to be in life. I think age sneaks up on people which is why we have introspective moments and wonder why things aren't what we imagined. Fun fact: people are AWFUL at predicting the future and how they will feel. In other words, we always will be dissapointed with the future because people will envision something else. I wish I had more information but I heard of a survay/study that asked some of the poorest people in the south about how they felt their life was going and they felt that good times were right around the corner. Basically they were unfortunate millionaires waiting to be... so much for that.

In the male/ female universe, you will find women are easier to deal with in general as you age. If you keep your age and stay in shape, this only enhances this effect. While its not as easy to meet younger women in their 20s since one doesn't do the bar thing, there are other outlets depending where you live which might prove to work well. Try a co ed sport. Try volunteering for a day, or something out of the ordinary. But do these things because they appeal to you in a way, not just to be that guy to pick up women. Once you are in the mindset to get out there and try new things, I think people will be receptive.

The only downside to aging, at least where I am from, is that people are married and have kids by 30 in new england. Thus your friends pool shrinks, or goes away once they get married. If you live someplace where the single scene is a bit older, that would be good.

 

[Packers2010]

dude, just chill out, your 30. i expect to do that **** when I am 45.

 

[Ihateinitiatingalot7]

**** independence

 

[LiveFreeX]

Come to China... change your situation instantly. Even if you pump gas at home. I don't have big muscles, nice clothes, a car, house or a ton of money.

Before getting into ESL I did a ton of **** jobs and had less than $2000 in the bank when I started out. I graduated, tried my job and hated it then realized I was fvcked. Did a ton of sh1tty jobs before landing into this one... life is great now, don't make a TON of money but I have a great wife and the ability to sky rocket from here.

I did:
-------
Security
Factory Work
Forklift
Trucking
Welding
Janitor (Cleaned Toliets... oh yes, I've been there)

My wife is from the Chinese country side where people rarely get enough food to eat. She expects nothing and is greatful for everything. When I take her out for a meal that costs a buck, she thinks she has died and gone to heaven. You just got to find a girl who is GREATFUL and for that you'll have to leave the confines of North America. I'm very happy now going to work and I could easily go back to doing those minimum wagers and not worry about a thing. My wife would be proud of me if I were a pizza man. I'm excited with the prospect of having children now, obviously working a better job and working overtime... doesn't phase me at all anymore.

The only way to win 'THE GAME' is to walk away.

 

[\O/]

The answer to life, the universe and everything?

Things are getting better As each day passes, normality is being restored. My efforts of self improvement is materializing in a better mood, better mindset and a more relaxed attitude towards life.

I think less about my ex. It's been over 6 months, and the emotional waves the breakup caused are calming. I feel strong and keeping NC is not a problem.

I have cut back alot on my drinking, my biggest issue. I haven't been able to quit all together, but i haven't been drunk in a while. I've been tipsy a few times, but haven't made a fool of myself or had any blackouts. I'm very careful about not letting my guard down though. I pay close attention to what i drink to make sure i don't get drunk. When i'm sober, i have strong control over my emotions.

I've taken a break from actively chasing women. After the breakup i have had this rushing feeling that i had to replace her or get some external validation from other women to establish my sexual market value. I don't care about that anymore. I'm adopting the mindset that i have plenty of time. Swithing from scarcity to abundance mentality. This is huge.

By not chasing girls, you might say that i've actually "choded up." I don't approach, i don't initiate, i don't chase at all. I'm enjoying my nights out with the boys more, because there is no pressure on me. I no longer feel that i HAVE to go out to attempt to pick up girls every friday and saturday. It's ok to just stay at home and play ps3 on a saturday night if i feel like it. It's a total pole shift, but it's temporary and it's great for my mental health. I feel stronger every day. And i'm also learning alot about myself, living on my own for the first time in my life. I have a pretty sweet handle on my life, financially, socially and physically.

I read more books and watch less television.

I don't even care that i haven't been laid in 3 months.

Even though i'm not chasing, I actually have a potential plate. She is a coworker, although we don't work at the same office. I normally don't **** where i eat, but even though it's the same company we don't work in the same place. HB7, educated, cool and sweet. She's coming over tonight, so we'll just see what happens. She has spent the night once before, but only kissing and no sex. She has been initiating contact though, which has been rare for me lately. Cool.

So guys, should I happen to lay this chick it should be the answer to life, the universe and everything She will be number 42. (JFGI)

I'm regaining my confidence and life feels lighter. Working out twice a week and looking forward to summertime. I'm getting rid of desperation and building myself and my life. Just a few months back i was a mess.

I don't know who said it, but rock bottom is a solid foundation.

 

[\O/]

Ok, so no lay, but the night went pretty well. I learned quite a few things and had some interesting insights. I'll see if i can find the time to write up a field report tomorrow while my memory is still fresh.

 

[Dopenfickle]

Things are getting better As each day passes, normality is being restored. My efforts of self improvement is materializing in a better mood, better mindset and a more relaxed attitude towards life.

I think less about my ex. It's been over 6 months, and the emotional waves the breakup caused are calming. I feel strong and keeping NC is not a problem.

I have cut back alot on my drinking, my biggest issue. I haven't been able to quit all together, but i haven't been drunk in a while. I've been tipsy a few times, but haven't made a fool of myself or had any blackouts. I'm very careful about not letting my guard down though. I pay close attention to what i drink to make sure i don't get drunk. When i'm sober, i have strong control over my emotions.

I've taken a break from actively chasing women. After the breakup i have had this rushing feeling that i had to replace her or get some external validation from other women to establish my sexual market value. I don't care about that anymore. I'm adopting the mindset that i have plenty of time. Swithing from scarcity to abundance mentality. This is huge.

By not chasing girls, you might say that i've actually "choded up." I don't approach, i don't initiate, i don't chase at all. I'm enjoying my nights out with the boys more, because there is no pressure on me. I no longer feel that i HAVE to go out to attempt to pick up girls every friday and saturday. It's ok to just stay at home and play ps3 on a saturday night if i feel like it. It's a total pole shift, but it's temporary and it's great for my mental health. I feel stronger every day. And i'm also learning alot about myself, living on my own for the first time in my life. I have a pretty sweet handle on my life, financially, socially and physically.

I read more books and watch less television.

I don't even care that i haven't been laid in 3 months.

Even though i'm not chasing, I actually have a potential plate. She is a coworker, although we don't work at the same office. I normally don't **** where i eat, but even though it's the same company we don't work in the same place. HB7, educated, cool and sweet. She's coming over tonight, so we'll just see what happens. She has spent the night once before, but only kissing and no sex. She has been initiating contact though, which has been rare for me lately. Cool.

So guys, should I happen to lay this chick it should be the answer to life, the universe and everything She will be number 42. (JFGI)

I'm regaining my confidence and life feels lighter. Working out twice a week and looking forward to summertime. I'm getting rid of desperation and building myself and my life. Just a few months back i was a mess.

I don't know who said it, but rock bottom is a solid foundation.

I am glad your outlook of life has changed! I just read through the entire post, a lot of positive input from this community I must add. Things always work out. Life is just funny like that. Good luck!!

 

[\O/]

I am glad your outlook of life has changed! I just read through the entire post, a lot of positive input from this community I must add. Things always work out. Life is just funny like that. Good luck!!

Thanks man Welcome to the board. Yes, alot of wisdom in the responses in this thread.

It's good to have the option to turn to the community to learn from others and get some tough insights on what is required to become a complete man.