HI Everyone!!!! Here is my story/ No contact story (1 day, 3 hours so far LOL):
- Non religious latino, Married,35, 100K+ Started formally dating her (latina 'Christian', divorced from a 55 yr old guy whom she got her green card from, 33, cleans offices and sales jewelry for a living) back in July 2013 (5 months ago).
- Around August, I asked her to invite me to her church, SHE FLIPPED!!! We were still not very intimate and said, first friends, then good friends, then bf/gf, etc... lol
- Confessed to her that I was unhappy and married. She did not mind and loved me more, even did my clothes and breakfast each morning. Told her I separated (carried my clothes/belongings in my SUV) but it was a lie, too cold to live in my car LOL.
- Signed a house lease in front of her, then asked her for her and her 7 year old child to move in with me and she FLIPPED!!
- Again in September, I asked her to invite me to her church, SHE FLIPPED AGAIN!!! She said, first divorce her, then I'll take you to my church. However, she agreed to begin attending with me a different church and we signed up for a 7 year church spiritual plan and began plans to get married
- In October, I begun mentoring her on IT skills, to get her a job at my company (as a direct report of mine for a few weeks, I know I know)...and even helped her get an IT cert which I obviously paid for (I know).
- Two weeks ago (11/22/13), She said one of her pastors from the other church would visit our new church and asked me not to hold her hand, I FLIPPED!!
- During Thanksgiving, a 54 yr old 'friend' whom she was busy with before dating me showed up at her place (her parents place, she lives there). He complained of a dislocated shoulder and she massaged him with some ointment. Then she sent me to the dining room with her parents (she had never allowed me to eat at the table, only had access to the living room), to eat dinner. I was not comfortable leaving them alone so when I come back he is sitting and she is sitting on the floor receiving a massage from him. I asked to get off the floor and sit with me and I told the church friend 'I'm sorry but she's my gf this is making me uncomfortable'. When he left she walked him to his car (and later found out from her) that she denied being my gf!!!
- last weekend (11/29 - 12/1) she did not talk to me (and later I found out by looking through her cell) that she had been receiving/replying to msgs from this dude (Him: can I come over to pamper you because you are sick, can you take me to a doctors apt pls? Her: can't remember but sort of agreed)
- I held my ground and this past Sat (12/30) she asked me to pick her up and take her to the movies. She then laid out the rules: 1.) no more sex because of her 'conscience' (yeah right, she even took me to an enclosed car wash to fk her), and 2.)that she would go back to her line of work because she ran out of budget, I did not agree but did not say much.
- She stopped talking to me this past Sun-Monday. Yesterday (Tues 12/3) I went to her place (I would go there every morning) and she cursed at me in front of her mom and forced me to apologize to her mom for treating her like a slut in her own house. Her mom intervened and asked me to step out while she calmed her daughter.
- She came out and we spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon together and took her to the doctor (she had a cold, we made out big at the doctors office lol). I told her that if she really wanted to do things RIGHT, then she would need to break up with me and not just cut off the sex, or continue in the gray area of her religion, going out with me and being tempted to fall again in 'sin'. She said she would think about it. I told her I'd be fine without sex as long as she took me to her church and also let me hang out with this friend and other friends so that I knew that side of her life better. She declined and flipped a little again. She insisted I have to get divorced and stop being jealous. Overall she said she did not want to separate and was willing to drop my job offer and think how we could continue together (with restrictions and me touching her all over). I dropped her off, then called her and said what's below (on the phone she just listened and said: then ADIOS (bye)) but had also sent her this email just a couple minutes earlier (12/4 @ 6pm):
"Sorry the means but tried to call you. I'm just saving us time. Unfortunately I am not happy, it was all or nothing and by that I do not mean intimate relationships, but just because of being your MAN, I cannot accept less than the recognition such an intimate person deserves.
I know I am not quite right, as I am not single, but what do you expect, I am not a Christian nor single and still you accepted me and therefore I can not accept to not be acknowledged and worse, to tell that 'friend' of yours that I was not your boyfriend, after ALL that you and I have shared.
Sorry but my dignity and identity can not tolerate such a low blow, in the same way that your dignity and identity can not recognize me in your life. Thank you for loving me Ruth."
- Tonight (9pm) I went ahead and posted the job vacancy and auto generated a job notification which got delivered to her personal email. I had promised her to help her regardless of our personal outcome for consideration of being a single mom (divorced but kid from another married man she met in her younger years).
- 15 minutes later, she FB (did not open it so it would not show 'read' ) and also texted me the following:
"G. ..
it hurts but I respect your decision, I want to thank you for your love, for your dedication, for your time, you are a remarkable man, I miss you. You'll be always in my prayers."
AFC Instinct: Reply back to her tomorrow asking her if she loves me or whatever... don't know at this time, but I guess whatever to get her back although I am the one that dumped her (yet she threatened me about it a few times last weekend by saying if I was not happy about the no sex restriction we could break up, etc.)
- Non religious latino, Married,35, 100K+ Started formally dating her (latina 'Christian', divorced from a 55 yr old guy whom she got her green card from, 33, cleans offices and sales jewelry for a living) back in July 2013 (5 months ago).
- Around August, I asked her to invite me to her church, SHE FLIPPED!!! We were still not very intimate and said, first friends, then good friends, then bf/gf, etc... lol
- Confessed to her that I was unhappy and married. She did not mind and loved me more, even did my clothes and breakfast each morning. Told her I separated (carried my clothes/belongings in my SUV) but it was a lie, too cold to live in my car LOL.
- Signed a house lease in front of her, then asked her for her and her 7 year old child to move in with me and she FLIPPED!!
- Again in September, I asked her to invite me to her church, SHE FLIPPED AGAIN!!! She said, first divorce her, then I'll take you to my church. However, she agreed to begin attending with me a different church and we signed up for a 7 year church spiritual plan and began plans to get married
- In October, I begun mentoring her on IT skills, to get her a job at my company (as a direct report of mine for a few weeks, I know I know)...and even helped her get an IT cert which I obviously paid for (I know).
- Two weeks ago (11/22/13), She said one of her pastors from the other church would visit our new church and asked me not to hold her hand, I FLIPPED!!
- During Thanksgiving, a 54 yr old 'friend' whom she was busy with before dating me showed up at her place (her parents place, she lives there). He complained of a dislocated shoulder and she massaged him with some ointment. Then she sent me to the dining room with her parents (she had never allowed me to eat at the table, only had access to the living room), to eat dinner. I was not comfortable leaving them alone so when I come back he is sitting and she is sitting on the floor receiving a massage from him. I asked to get off the floor and sit with me and I told the church friend 'I'm sorry but she's my gf this is making me uncomfortable'. When he left she walked him to his car (and later found out from her) that she denied being my gf!!!
- last weekend (11/29 - 12/1) she did not talk to me (and later I found out by looking through her cell) that she had been receiving/replying to msgs from this dude (Him: can I come over to pamper you because you are sick, can you take me to a doctors apt pls? Her: can't remember but sort of agreed)
- I held my ground and this past Sat (12/30) she asked me to pick her up and take her to the movies. She then laid out the rules: 1.) no more sex because of her 'conscience' (yeah right, she even took me to an enclosed car wash to fk her), and 2.)that she would go back to her line of work because she ran out of budget, I did not agree but did not say much.
- She stopped talking to me this past Sun-Monday. Yesterday (Tues 12/3) I went to her place (I would go there every morning) and she cursed at me in front of her mom and forced me to apologize to her mom for treating her like a slut in her own house. Her mom intervened and asked me to step out while she calmed her daughter.
- She came out and we spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon together and took her to the doctor (she had a cold, we made out big at the doctors office lol). I told her that if she really wanted to do things RIGHT, then she would need to break up with me and not just cut off the sex, or continue in the gray area of her religion, going out with me and being tempted to fall again in 'sin'. She said she would think about it. I told her I'd be fine without sex as long as she took me to her church and also let me hang out with this friend and other friends so that I knew that side of her life better. She declined and flipped a little again. She insisted I have to get divorced and stop being jealous. Overall she said she did not want to separate and was willing to drop my job offer and think how we could continue together (with restrictions and me touching her all over). I dropped her off, then called her and said what's below (on the phone she just listened and said: then ADIOS (bye)) but had also sent her this email just a couple minutes earlier (12/4 @ 6pm):
"Sorry the means but tried to call you. I'm just saving us time. Unfortunately I am not happy, it was all or nothing and by that I do not mean intimate relationships, but just because of being your MAN, I cannot accept less than the recognition such an intimate person deserves.
I know I am not quite right, as I am not single, but what do you expect, I am not a Christian nor single and still you accepted me and therefore I can not accept to not be acknowledged and worse, to tell that 'friend' of yours that I was not your boyfriend, after ALL that you and I have shared.
Sorry but my dignity and identity can not tolerate such a low blow, in the same way that your dignity and identity can not recognize me in your life. Thank you for loving me Ruth."
- Tonight (9pm) I went ahead and posted the job vacancy and auto generated a job notification which got delivered to her personal email. I had promised her to help her regardless of our personal outcome for consideration of being a single mom (divorced but kid from another married man she met in her younger years).
- 15 minutes later, she FB (did not open it so it would not show 'read' ) and also texted me the following:
"G. ..
it hurts but I respect your decision, I want to thank you for your love, for your dedication, for your time, you are a remarkable man, I miss you. You'll be always in my prayers."
AFC Instinct: Reply back to her tomorrow asking her if she loves me or whatever... don't know at this time, but I guess whatever to get her back although I am the one that dumped her (yet she threatened me about it a few times last weekend by saying if I was not happy about the no sex restriction we could break up, etc.)
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