Preconceived as too picky?

[Gunner26]

So I went out friday night with some people I know. I had a good time, got pretty drunk and went home satisfied with my evening.

My game at a club, is never to try and get with girls. I go out to have fun, and if something happens then great, if not it's no big deal for me. I have told people this and it's the guys, not the girls who seem to agree with me. Now I'm still a virgin, this doesn't bother me either. What does bother me is the reaction I got off of two female friends after this night.

So I'm happily dancing with everyone and one of my ladyfriends she comes over all excited saying she's found me some girls to go talk too and that she is going to be my 'wingman'. There's 3 girls, HB5/6/7 just sitting around with their drinks. They scream boring to me. My 'wingman' points them out to me from a couple metres away, I buck up and go attempt to start talking to them, I'm not really in the mood, but I'm drunk so it doesn't matter.

Conversation last's around about 2 minutes, their not interested, I'm not interested so I eject.

My 'wingman' then asks me what was wrong with the girls. Notice, as my wingman she did nothing to help me out, just told me to go and talk to them while she carried on dancing. I reply saying it wasn't there.

Night finishes, I go home few days pass.

This is what really got to me.

I see my 'wingman' last night at a pub quiz. The first thing she does is call me over and ask me why I didn't get with the girls. Before I can even reply, she's telling me I'm too picky, I tell her outright that this wasn't what it was, as I go to tell her the truth, that I wasn't feeling it, and it was stupidly akward trying to talk to them, another girl, a good friend said 'It's because you're a **** when you're drunk'.

I nearly lost my **** when she said that. Took every once of self restraint not to call her out on calling me a ****, because I don't jump on whales like other people in our friendship group, because I don't settle for what I can get.

What I'm trying to ask I reckon, is how to sort this out. I don't care that women are **** wingmen. What I care about is that these 2 girls, who I am friends with called me a **** for not lowering my standards, when that wasn't even the case. I just wasn't in the mood.

I guess this is slightly a rant so #rantover

Gunner

 

[SgtSplacker]

Dude, what are you some remote controlled a s s h o l e?

If you don't want to talk to a girl, you don't talk to her, because you don't want to talk to her. Not because you need to be pushed over there. You made a fool of yourself and now your female friend is disrespecting you because of that. Get it? By going over there you proved to her that you are not picking up girls because you are scared. Not because it is your choice to be a certain way at a club. I'm surprised she didn't call you gay. How can you believe she really wanted to be your wingman? She was prolly testing you because she likes you a bit or at least is curious.

DONT TAKE DATING ADVICE OR COACHING FROM WOMEN.

^This is a critical life rule you must follow. There is a difference in using women for social proof and actually following the advice of one sincerely. You must learn this.

When a woman views a man as a beta she will sometimes lose all respect for that man so much so that she will constantly overtly demonstrate this scorn or disdain she has for that man, she will challenge you. Be careful with your "wingman" she thinks poorly of you. The last thing you want is a girl in the group spreading negative crap about you.

SgtSplacker Theory Tiem
I'm willing to bet that supposed wingman is curious about you, Curiosity=Interest. But she is looking for social proof and you have not given her any so she tried to make some herself. She tested you to see how you would act and you failed. She likes you and she is frustrated you are not the man she visualized. If she really wanted to hook you up, she would hook you up with her friends, not point to some random chicks and send you off to see what happens. Why would she hook you up with her friends if she likes you? I don't think she really wanted you to hook up with those girls at all.

 

[goodfoot]

Dude, what are you some remote controlled a s s h o l e?

If you don't want to talk to a girl, you don't talk to her, because you don't want to talk to her. Not because you need to be pushed over there. You made a fool of yourself and now your female friend is disrespecting you because of that. Get it? By going over there you proved to her that you are not picking up girls because you are scared. Not because it is your choice to be a certain way at a club.

I agree with Sgt up to this point. If you weren't interested you basically set yourself up for failure. I had a slightly similar situation once. I was on a "date" with this girl once (I was in the friendzone but it was just the two of us.) At one point she points out this hot chick and says I should talk to her. I'm trying to get with her and I keep steering the conversation back to us, but she keeps egging me on to talk to her. So eventually in my head I say, "F*** it!" and I go talk to her.

This chick winds up being real cool and we have about a 5 minute convo. She's laughing and is obviously enjoying herself. Once the original chick sees this chick into me, she comes over and starts trying to block. I decide to exit and get her number right in front of my friend. On the ride home, she keeps asking about if I like her and if I'm going to call. I played it like I wasn't sure. I know it was a mind trip cause this chick looked way better than she did. My point is if you aren't going to charm the hell out of those chicks going over there and bombing does nothing good for you. When she said you were too picky after the fact I would have agreed with her and framed it as a good thing.

 

[Mike32ct]

Don't approach chicks you aren't interested in. They can sense a "forced" or "reluctant" approach and don't usually respond favorably.

You were doing everything right until you let your "wing" pressure you into approaching who you didn't want to approach.

If you are going to approach, do it on your own terms so there is no pressure on you, and it is more natural.

 

[Gunner26]

Dude, what are you some remote controlled a s s h o l e?

If you don't want to talk to a girl, you don't talk to her, because you don't want to talk to her.
This is true, I shouldn't have acted like a little ***** and gone over at her insistence. Lesson learned.
Not because you need to be pushed over there. You made a fool of yourself and now your female friend is disrespecting you because of that. Get it? By going over there you proved to her that you are not picking up girls because you are scared.
I've got to disagree with this. On a night out, I am not scared at all of talking to girls, this friend knows this very well, it's more I'm not great at getting the number/makeout etc
Not because it is your choice to be a certain way at a club. I'm surprised she didn't call you gay. How can you believe she really wanted to be your wingman? She was prolly testing you because she likes you a bit or at least is curious.
The girl knows I'm not gay, she's seen me making out with women at the club, also I did not seriously think she wanted to be my wingman, I think she thought it would be a way for me to have more fun, rather than anything like a solid attempt at geting me laid.

DONT TAKE DATING ADVICE OR COACHING FROM WOMEN.

^This is a critical life rule you must follow. There is a difference in using women for social proof and actually following the advice of one sincerely. You must learn this.
100% agree with this. I didn't see it as taking advice from her, more her introducing me to people, turned out this wasn't the case and they were randoms who she fired me blindly at. Again Lesson Learned

When a woman views a man as a beta she will sometimes lose all respect for that man so much so that she will constantly overtly demonstrate this scorn or disdain she has for that man, she will challenge you. Be careful with your "wingman" she thinks poorly of you. The last thing you want is a girl in the group spreading negative crap about you.

SgtSplacker Theory Tiem
I'm willing to bet that supposed wingman is curious about you, Curiosity=Interest. But she is looking for social proof and you have not given her any so she tried to make some herself. She tested you to see how you would act and you failed. She likes you and she is frustrated you are not the man she visualized. If she really wanted to hook you up, she would hook you up with her friends, not point to some random chicks and send you off to see what happens. Why would she hook you up with her friends if she likes you? I don't think she really wanted you to hook up with those girls at all.
This is a very interesting idea. I can say with almost 100% certainty though that you are wrong. I lived with this girl last year in halls at uni and had classes with her. I don't need to prove my social proof to her because her friends are my friends, a reason for why she would feel the need to hook me up with randoms as opposed to her friends, who are actually in fact my friends too. As well as this I spent half a year of classes with her talking to random people in lectures and making friends outside of our own friendship group.

@Social_Leper - I agree with you that they seem to be doing it for fun at the time. I find the fact that most of them are completly useless wingmen quite funny.

@Goodfoot - I agree with you that I should have framed me being picky as a good thing, normally I would, but getting called a **** for it threw me off slightly. Also agree that I shouldn't go talk to them if I am no going to charm their panties off.

Cheers boys.

Gunner

 

[Mike32ct]

I believe "You're too picky" is a subtle insult when coming from a female friend.

Keep dancing and having fun doing what YOU want.

 

[Gunner26]

Mike, I think you are right. It seemed to me that they were trying to imply I aim too high when it comes to women, or maybe I'm not as good looking as I think I am. Whether it's the former or the latter I don't see this as the bad thing, I'm much happier knowing I don't compromise my standards to seek their approval, and I am working on myself so that in the future I can attract the ones I want.

And will do. I love doing my own thing, that's why it's my thing haha.

Gunner

 

[VladPatton]

Don't approach chicks you aren't interested in. They can sense a "forced" or "reluctant" approach and don't usually respond favorably.

You were doing everything right until you let your "wing" pressure you into approaching who you didn't want to approach.

If you are going to approach, do it on your own terms so there is no pressure on you, and it is more natural.

I agree with Mike. Next time just look over to where the target girls are and say:

"What, with those ugly fatties?? Are you nuts? Get outta here!"

...and continue doing your club thing. Dismiss her petty little requests she has for you. When questioned, you just admit that yes, you ARE picky, you like what you like and those whales didn't get your sparks flyin. If she continues to berate you, she's just a genuine aʂʂhole playing games with you for her personal amusement.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Calm down Sgt. The war is over. You're a civilian now.

I get my female friends always playing the 'wingman' card. They do it for fun. It's harmless.

And there's no reason why you can't go out to just have fun and pull chicks as well.

Harmless my arse when they are talking about OP behind his back.

#1 If that wingman girl really wanted to help she would have been right there next to him making him look good.
Exhibit A: "Notice, as my wingman she did nothing to help me out, just told me to go and talk to them while she carried on dancing." she did just the opposite and made him look bad.

#2 A female friend is a much more valuable wingman if she is attracted to you. Other women need too see you are desired by women. Not that you have some chick standing next to you trying to get you laid. Just read "goodfoots" post for a perfect example of why your female wingman needs to be attracted to you.

"Once the original chick sees this chick into me, she comes over and starts trying to block."

This is the best social proof you can have, another girl trying to gain your attention from the girl you are talking too. This is like hanging steak from your neck to attract wolves.

Your female friends thinking lightly of you is toxic to you picking up girls within your social circle. Far from harmless to a guy trying to find a suitable mate... particularly a virgin male.

If it was me, as soon as my female friend would have suggested I go over to a random table and talk to some girls I would have found the fattest guy in the club and suggested she go over to him and talk to him because that would be good for her. Hey i'll be your wingman don't worry you got this girl. And then after we leave the club or sober up I would have explained to her nicely that I am not desperate to hook up with just any female like that. And that she can find another basket case to earn her girlscout points with. And invited her over to have a couple drinks and chat alone sometime, because I thought she was funny. "and you're little dog too!"

Moral of the story is that OP needs to start managing his reputation starting with the girls closest to him.

 

[Gunner26]

I see what you're trying to get at Sgt, and I agree.

I understand about the social proof, it is not good if my friends are talking about me negatively, however in every other regard I am respected, I'm good at uni work and am never the butt of a joke, unless I really walk into it. I think that it is just the fact that I could have had sex by now, but I haven't because I wasn't willing to compromise that has annoyed them. And obviously, most girls are completly useless wingmen, as this girl proved so well. I am not looking to get it on with anybody in my social circle, quite the opposite infact.

Your response as to what you would have done had you been in my postion is excellent, thank you. That's the sort of reply I was looking for, how to deal with this sort of situation, if it arises, in the future. Not only is that **** hilarious, it will put me back in control of the situation. Thanks alot.

Gunner