pre-flake flaking

[jurry]

So I do the online dating thing fairly regularly, has it's pros and cons like everything else I guess, but you can't beat setting up dates from your phone while at work! And also good for social lepers like myself who don't get out much.

But in the past couple of months I have had several occasions where I go back and forth with a girl for a bit, some laughs some jokes we're all good.. I say something like "hey you seem really cool we should meet up for a drink" or "it was good talking to you want to hang out sometime" she comes back with "yea definitely I would love to" or something similarly worded showing high level of interest.. I come back (generally within an average interval of time compared to how we had been talking) and pick a day a couple of days out "lets go do such and such on thursday" or whatever or give her two days to pick from, leave me your number i'll get in touch etc.

AND THEN NOTHING! You typed the words "we should definitely hang out" just 20 minutes ago and now you don't respond..? It's online dating I know girls flake out all the time, have other people they're talking to, maybe on the fence not too into the conversation or whatever, but these are good conversations where high level of interest is shown and then gone just like that. Should I just not respond after she says "we should hang out" and wait a day and then ask? Ugh. I swear some of these girls are on here just to fvck with you. Anyway I suppose I know what the response from y'all will be.. NEXT! Had to vent a bit though.

 

[jurry]

..

Oh and then there's the girl who flaked on me twice in a row for dates, and now texts me every 4-5 days being all flirty and sht who I refuse to ask out on another date. Dames.

 

[MtnMan]

online dating is a big PITA, but if you use a shotgun approach you can get dates with cute girls. Last week I had two dates with two cute girls and two makeout sessions.
Its a decent resource, but shouldn't be relied on as a primary source of women.

 

[SgtSplacker]

It happens, the way see it you can go through so many women online it doesn't matter if they flake sometimes. Brush it off and keep on trucking.

What I do is just make sure i'm always talking about fun stuff to do when out. Like that when I do finally ask to meet her I can pick something I know we both like. And I won't tell her "lets go meet here" i'll rather say "lets go to RandomPlaceHere, I love going there because..." like this I take the focus off an awkward meeting and it's all about having fun somewhere. Lightens the mood up a bit.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Very normal for chicks to flake. That's why I don't bother "building rapport" via emails and texts. I ask them out on the very first email. Waste of time IMO volleying back and forth meaningless emails and texts.

The ones who flake on you probably do so because they like the attention and validation of emails and texts. There are a lot of chicks who prefer e-conversations than actual face-to-face meetings. I don't let myself get caught up in that web anymore.

Men should dole out attention in the same way that women dole out sex--scarcely.

I agree with you, but don't you think you may be turning away the more decent ones by being so aggressive? I chat on the site a day two max, get the number and make plans that weekend or next. Anything else and I feel it's either too fast or too slow.

 

[jurry]

Yea I dig what you are saying Espi but it really just kills my interest to sit there copy and pasting 50 messages feel like im filling forms out at the RMV or something. That being said I don't want to get into big long back and forth either just want to send a few messages get laugh or something and ask for the date. Also I'm not in a big city area so if I spam all the girls on there might be outa luck pretty quickly haha.. Oh well thanks for help really need to get out and meet girls some other way in addition to the online thing.

 

[gravityeyelids]

are you getting their number first and engaging them via text for a bit first? that might help.

Also you might want to think about changing your wording for asking them out. "Hey we should hangout sometime" is about the lamest most common thing i can think of and is a red flag to her that you're just a typical lame dude like all the rest. Try to make it humorous and casual, and add a test or disqualifier. something like "lets grab coffee later this week... Public place so if you end up being a psycho i have witnessess ;P"

That being said, be careful saying too much in your message aside from asking her out. Dont include a completely different thought in the same message that she could just go off of instead of responding to your invitation. What i mean by this is: dont send a message like
"Let's go to [so-and-so] later this week. One time i was there and my cousin [insert crazy story]"

MOST girls will ignore the invitation completely and say something like
"Haha that's so funny i have a little cousin and he's so goofy!"
Leaving you to ask her AGAIN if she wants to hangout.

I've also learned to avoid just coming out randomly in the middle of a convo and asking her bluntly to meet up or hangout. Similar to how you dont want to just BAM ask for her number...tie it into the convo if possible and make it casual

 

[Trump]

So I do the online dating thing fairly regularly, has it's pros and cons like everything else I guess, but you can't beat setting up dates from your

AND THEN NOTHING! You typed the words "we should definitely hang out" just 20 minutes ago and now you don't respond..? It's online dating I know girls flake out all the time, have other people they're talking to, maybe on the fence not too into the conversation or whatever, but these are good conversations where high level of interest is shown and then gone just like that. Should I just not respond after she says "we should hang out" and wait a day and then ask? Ugh. I swear some of these girls are on here just to fvck with you. Anyway I suppose I know what the response from y'all will be.. NEXT! Had to vent a bit though.

Bro it's online dating. Unless you meet her in person, you are good for her ego and nothing else.

You have to understand people FAKE high interest level just to see how desperate you are, how much you are willing to pay, how much you want them, how bad you want to be liked. I've had girls say "I love you, you are the one, you listen, you are the best." Same girl wouldn't spend 8 cents on me.

Never take anything anyone says at face value, especially online girls.

 

[bukowski_merit]

The 2 most common forms of online pickup can co-exist because both work. It's only a matter of which you would rather do.

The most common ways are:

1) Try to establish rapport/attraction before pitching the date.
2) Try to establish the rapport/attraction during the date. (obviously physical attraction would already need to be present in either case).

They both have their rewards and risks... I am mostly a 1) guy, and I can say my flake % is almost 0. But I pre-screen the hell out of women and need "high interest" signs before I'll even pitch a date. Also, I don't think I've ever been on a date with a woman online that I hadn't already turned on to the point she was ready to drop the panties the minute I laid hands on her.

With that said - I've wasted a lot of time connecting with women and then had them disappear or flatly decline date offers. Sometimes after what I'd describe as amazing connections.


I believe, the 2) people waste less time.

Their biggest time risks for this method are ending up on lifeless dates and flaking (and possibly $; but time is $ too).

But really, no matter what medium you use to meet women; and no matter what your dating style - you're going to have to get used to women flaking/losing interest/being hard to plan with. (But this is especially true online.)

Keep trying until you figure out what works for you.

 

[Don-Kong]

They flake for one reason: **** gets real.
Maybe they're lonely. Maybe they're after an ego boost. I was chatting to this chick I know who dates online who loves chatting but is so scared of being hurt again.

Moral of the story, it's about them and their crazy ****.
At least you are taking risks.