Power - An Interesting Psychological Observation

[Sophomakhos]

I had a moment of revelation and insight today. Not a surprising insight, nor a particularly grand one, but an intriguing one nonetheless. I went on a date with a girl whom I'd met online and took her for lunch. Then we went for a walk by the lakeside. She's not bad-looking, though nothing particularly special. She's very nice and I had an enjoyable time with her, but to be honest I got the impression that she was more interested in me than I was in her (that's a new experience alright!).

That gave me my moment of insight. I had been a little nervous before going to meet her for the first time, but now I realised that I wasn't as interested as she was, all of a sudden the pressure and nerves melted away. I felt like I didn't need to try anymore. And I felt like I had something to give that she wanted. This led inexorably to a feeling of... power.

It wasn't a big deal, and I don't want you to think that I got a power trip out of it - I genuinely liked her and had a fun time. But for perhaps the first time I think I got an insight into how hot women must feel when men pursue them. This feeling of power, even though fairly small by some standards, really did make me want the girl less, or at least less than I might have wanted a girl who made me feel weak. And most of all, it made it all seem so easy. With the nerves out of the equation, I could much more easily see how nervous she felt, and I wonder if perhaps she realised this.

Has anyone else ever had moments of insight like this?

 

[Wilko]

Like you say, it's not an earth-shattering insight, but it's a powerful, positive experience the first time you realise a girl's interest level is higher than your own, things become pretty effortless at that point. Being able to tap that kind of nonchalant ease at will, that's the skill I reckon, not suggesting I've nailed that yet, I have my moments though.

If I realise I haven't filtered a girl properly, or if she does something to disqualify herself while we're hanging out I find myself running down the clock until I can get out of there, or I go into 'practice' mode. There's no doubt that the casual indifference you're feeling manifests itself in your tone and body language and heightens her interest.

Sounds like it was a good outcome, even if it wasn't the one you'd hoped for.

 

[Wilko]

duplicate

 

[Huffman]

Nice. Enjoy your moments of power but remember that even though she's into you, you still have to make the moves yourself.

Sometimes the girl will do it for you, but mostly not. I have learned this: no matter how powerful you feel, you still gotta close the deal

 

[SteR]

Nice. Enjoy your moments of power but remember that even though she's into you, you still have to make the moves yourself.

Sometimes the girl will do it for you, but mostly not. I have learned this: no matter how powerful you feel, you still gotta close the deal

The beauty of the situation is that when you've reached the state that OP is talking about.. there really should be no fear in making moves - it's like taking candy from a baby :rockon:

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

YES!
I had the same experience 2 weeks ago (I think it was then)...

Nice. Enjoy your moments of power but remember that even though she's into you, you still have to make the moves yourself.

Sometimes the girl will do it for you, but mostly not. I have learned this: no matter how powerful you feel, you still gotta close the deal

... but I didn't make the moves and that girl went back to her home town the next day.
When I thought "I should kiss her now" that feeling of power vanished.

Gotta
Make
The
Moves!

 

[Huffman]

The beauty of the situation is that when you've reached the state that OP is talking about.. there really should be no fear in making moves - it's like taking candy from a baby :rockon:

I know but have you ever taken candy from a baby? Err well what I mean is that even though it's easy and you know it's easy you sometimes still don't do it for some arbitrary reason (same thing like cleaning up your room etc).

Actually I like that. Making a move is like cleaning up your room, it's easy but sometimes you gotta kick yourself to do it

 

[SoldMySoul]

Why hell yes mate!!!! It really is a good feeling and YOU MUST KEEP THAT FEELING IN ALL YOUR DEALINGS WITH WOMEN!! Every time when I felt this, I would slip instead of keeping it. You know what??????? I would lose the frame each and every time of doing so.

Without fail heed my advice and you will always be the strong man that will not allow a woman to use and abuse you.

If you are not used to the feeling, it can be something else. i am working on getting that loving feeling back because I lost that loving feeling.... are you feeling me????

As you brits would say, "CHEERS!"

 

[NeverFear]

I hate to say it, but youre really mis using the idea of power.

Sure, the "one with the most power in relationships wins" in a way.

But the point of all this is not to "WIN". Its to meet a nice person to
form a meaningful relationship with.

But just because youre in the new position of having more than somebody else, is not the point.

The point is to meet attractive, flexible, givers. You said she's "nothing special" but
good looking. Hey man, whats wrong with that? You want Lindsey Lohan instead? You
want some girl that is a 9 on the outside, and a "1" on the inside. Now thats'
true ugliness. And a lot of "hot" women are worthless inside. Theyre gold digging,
narcissistic *****s.

And you MET a GOOD ONE, but you seem to be using her for your own ego.

Right now, i dont think you deserve that girl. She sounds like a keeper
to me.

Youre saying because she's not a 10 she's not good enough for you?

I have the feeling that youre going to look back at her as one that got
away.

 

[oscarxp25]

I had a similar situation last night. I was at a party playing flip cup. Next to me was a attractive brunette. She wasn't hot, but I thought she was good looking. On the other side of was my friend. I wanted to try something, so I totally turned my back to her and ignored her the whole first part of the game. I negged her a bit because she was screaming in my ear due to the excitement of the game. I slowly rewarded her each time she successfully flipped the cup or made a comment that was funny. The old me would try to talk to her non stop, which she would kill any interest. I definitely felt a power last night that I was not used to, but thankfully worked.

BTW...good post, bro.

 

[zekko]

But the point of all this is not to "WIN". Its to meet a nice person to
form a meaningful relationship with.

For some people it is. For a lot of guys here, their goal is just apparently to fvck as many different women as they can, while avoiding attachments. I guess there's nothing wrong with this attitude especially, although I would expect most of them to grow out of it eventually. Many never do though, and I guess that's their lifestyle choice.

As for the original post, if you are in a "meaningful relationship" with a girl and her interest level in you is not as high as your interest level in her, that is not a very good recipe for happiness.

 

[SteR]

I know but have you ever taken candy from a baby? Err well what I mean is that even though it's easy and you know it's easy you sometimes still don't do it for some arbitrary reason (same thing like cleaning up your room etc).

Actually I like that. Making a move is like cleaning up your room, it's easy but sometimes you gotta kick yourself to do it

I see what you mean, but the difference is that if you didn't make any moves it was because of the 'arbitrary reason' and not from fear..

 

[zekko]

I see what you mean, but the difference is that if you didn't make any moves it was because of the 'arbitrary reason' and not from fear..

It could very well be from laziness.

 

[kingsam]

As for the original post, if you are in a "meaningful relationship" with a girl and her interest level in you is not as high as your interest level in her, that is not a very good recipe for happiness.

the person with the lower interest level has the power in the RL... !
its best if that person is you !
you more indiffrerent, they are recting to you more than you to them, they are comming to you/chasing you more than you're chasing them...!
they are more invested in it than you....etc

 

[slaog]

You could also replace the word power with value. The person who has more value has the power.


Trouble for men these days is they put women on pedestals therefore over-valueing them and handing them all the power.