Potential life changing decision. Need your counsel my friends. Serious.

[SecondHalf]

I had to bump this with an update. Advice from my brothers is appreciated.

Two weeks ago, he spent the weekend. He was playing an online game that wanted to charge him 5 bucks to buy some points to play or some sh!t like that. He took my wife's credit card, without asking and used it. He got busted.

Now we are not taking him for two weeks. He fvcked up.

Whatcha all think? He's still a good kid but needs to be taught a hard lesson. At least that's what we concluded.

Thanks guys.

Think it's a bit harsh.
I think that he should get off with a warning that if this happens while he's with you, you'll ship him home faster than he can say "sorry".

This child has suffered enough abandonment already.
The boy needs love and structure.
You two can give him that.

SH

 

[Bible_Belt]

That is exactly the type of thing that makes a young person end up in jail. If he does that when he's an adult, he will go straight to prison, as well as fvck up a lot of other chances that he might have in life. There's a lot of jobs that involve handling money, from bank teller to CPA, stock broker, or lawyer. And he'll never get one of those jobs if he was ever caught stealing.

But at the same time, you don't want him to feel like you only care about him when he behaves well. It's easy for a kid to confuse "you fvcked up" with "I don't love you any more." I don't think you can treat him like a woman and just withdraw your attention, because I'm not sure he'll see that it's done out of love.

There is a famous quote from George Washington, where he derides much of the continental army as being "summer soldiers and sunshine patriots." If you only want to be around the kid when it's fun, then you're a "sunshine patriot" in the kid's life, and he will see right through it. If you love someone, then you are with them through the good and the bad, which is what you have to teach him.

Not that I am any parenting expert, but I would say to bring him over for the weekend like you normally do, but then ground him. Make him do yard work or something not fun, but be there with him the entire time. Show him that he is worth more to you than having a fun time for yourself.

 

[5string]

Insightful Secondhalf and Bible.

I was just thinking after reading your posts. The abandonment thing is huge and I think we might have dismissed him prematurely for his mistake and dishonesty. Maybe make him work off his "debt" around the house and give him a lecture on honesty and integrity?

Good advice fellas. Some of the best I have ever received. Thanks from the heart.

 

[DMSR76]

Not that I am any parenting expert, but I would say to bring him over for the weekend like you normally do, but then ground him. Make him do yard work or something not fun, but be there with him the entire time. Show him that he is worth more to you than having a fun time for yourself.

This is golden.

 

[scrouds]

So you gave him a time out for stealing.

If I did that growing up, I would have gotten my ass beat. Either mom with a hanger or dad with a belt.

Yeah, I recommend that.

 

[5string]

Well, we decided to take him in July for two weeks. He's gonna work off his "debt" and get a lecture for lack of a better term. SecondHalf and Bible Belt are right. It will do much more damage to "abandon" him outright for his mistake and dishonesty. I won't go into much detail, but his mom really doesnt know who his father is and the household in which he lives is dysfunctional to say the least.

Great advice fellas. Owe you bigtime.