Post-friendzone drama and gossip :/

[sense]

Short version -- got close to girl, girl says "no", I back away from girl as I refused be friendzoned. Took a couple of months, but hey ho.

However, my best female friend (a gay woman who I've known for years and have no interest in) is also friends with this girl (it's how we got close), and is panicking about our friend circle falling apart -- she's turned a simple rejection into a bit of a drama by digging into both of our feelings etc.

So, I'm trying to keep my distance, but I'm getting reports that girl is "really sad about loss of the friendship" because she felt "safe" around me, but she also realises she's led me on and so on - I've discovered that she totally owns that she was flirting so I was not misreading her signals.

My friend has told her off and said she was wrong to play validation games with me, and "what do you expect for a straight guy?" etc. None of this makes sense to me, because when I flirt it's usually because I mean it.

So friend is on my side, mostly, but it seems she's making things way too complicated - it all feels like too much drama, too much of an investment on friend's part and apart from anything, the girl just turns up everywhere so I can't get any space from her.

So yeah, my friend is hoping for me and girl to work on being mates, which isn't going to happen anytime soon -- and it's girl's birthday later this week - if I stay away it'll cause more gossip, and if I turn up it'll be giving girl what she wants.


So yeah ... what's my next move to help me wade through this complicated nonsense please? :/

 

[Murk]

You need to stop caring about this BS. You need more male friends and ditch this dyke and her minions. Why go to a party full of girls if you're not gonna smash?

 

[sense]

Why go to a party full of girls if you're not gonna smash?

It won't be; it'll be a mixed bunch of people, but I get what you're saying and will be better to stay away -- if I go I'll be expected to get a birthday card etc. and I just don't want to play that game.

The "dyke" is a friend who I've known for many years and she isn't my only friend; I also have male friends, and unlike some people I can actually be friends with women if there isn't any interest. It's just in this case she's started behaving like she needs to rescue something that doesn't need rescuing, and if anything has probably lowered my chances more by making a fuss.

I think I need to have a word with her.

 

[mr-ed209]

and unlike some people I can actually be friends with women if there isn't any interest

Nope. Look how this situation has turned out. Sure everyone can be friends with a girl they're NOT interested in. But this isn't one of those scenarios. And besides work colleagues or some family friends - why would any man pursue platonic friendship with a woman?

I think I need to have a word with her.

No you don't. You need to be a man about this and cut unnecessary drama and people from your life who don't provide any value to yours. Actions over words. Talking this out will just result in a load of nonsense and head ****s for yourself.

 

[princelydeeds]

This sounds like some college drama...

 

[sense]

This sounds like some college drama...

Yeah, and I'm scratching my head as a middle aged guy and wondering how the **** I managed to create this ****. :/

 

[Ranger]

Find another girl. Take her. Have a good time. Your taken...right? Lol
Introduce all of them as just friends of yours. Make it a point. I would use it as a learning experience. What could hurt? You can always find new friends.
I find it interesting. People are odd sometimes.
Even if you did create it (doubt it) then you might as well see it through to final phase. Whatever that is.
Maybe I’m a little crazy but that’s what I would do.
If anything you will have a great story.

 

[Alvafe]

Yeah, and I'm scratching my head as a middle aged guy and wondering how the **** I managed to create this ****. :/

you didn't created it, you are just feeding it, just ignore, your lesbian friend is pissing you off just tell her, "well now you can have sex with her", and stop feeding the drama

 

[glass half full]

You don't need drama, you need women. Drama comes, leave.
Nobody got time for crap like that.
Spin plates until you find one who is worthy, cause it ain't happening there.

 

[Music_czar]

Short version -- got close to girl, girl says "no", I back away from girl as I refused be friendzoned. Took a couple of months, but hey ho.

However, my best female friend (a gay woman who I've known for years and have no interest in) is also friends with this girl (it's how we got close), and is panicking about our friend circle falling apart -- she's turned a simple rejection into a bit of a drama by digging into both of our feelings etc.

So, I'm trying to keep my distance, but I'm getting reports that girl is "really sad about loss of the friendship" because she felt "safe" around me, but she also realises she's led me on and so on - I've discovered that she totally owns that she was flirting so I was not misreading her signals.

My friend has told her off and said she was wrong to play validation games with me, and "what do you expect for a straight guy?" etc. None of this makes sense to me, because when I flirt it's usually because I mean it.

So friend is on my side, mostly, but it seems she's making things way too complicated - it all feels like too much drama, too much of an investment on friend's part and apart from anything, the girl just turns up everywhere so I can't get any space from her.

So yeah, my friend is hoping for me and girl to work on being mates, which isn't going to happen anytime soon -- and it's girl's birthday later this week - if I stay away it'll cause more gossip, and if I turn up it'll be giving girl what she wants.


So yeah ... what's my next move to help me wade through this complicated nonsense please? :/

Avoid the birthday festivities. Be a man. It’s hard I know.. but not being there or wishing her a happy bday will speak volumes as to your self value and self respect.

 

[sense]

You really do need to not take them seriously, mate. Because they're nuts XD

I've been around long enough to know all this - I've had more than my fair share of women, and still find myself falling into the same trap. I broke up from a LTR a couple of years ago, and it's like I've gone back to my teenage self, trying to learn everything I already knew all over again!

Anyway...

It's her birthday today - I've not spoken to lesbian friend since Sunday, but I'm pretty sure I'll hear from her at some point soon.

No intention to attend any birthday event; I'm keeping a low profile at the moment.

Temptation to send "happy birthday" text is strong -- it feels rude not to be my normal friendly self, or that my silence will be taken as an indicator of my feelings -- but meh!

 

[Murk]

Why send happy birthday? She flirted with you, then knocked you back when you went for it. She was a love interest not a friend. Keep it moving mate.