Post breakup

[Raiker]

Been awhile since I've been here. Long time Girlfriend broke up with me this week. Any advice? What do you usually do to get back on your feet?

Thanks guys

 

[Desdinova]

If you had any hobbies you pushed aside because of the relationship, pick them back up.

If you don't have that many hobbies, pick up some new ones. Also, start going out and building a new social circle. There are lots of ways to do that. Meetup.com is a great way to meet some new like-minded people.

Change something about yourself or your life. New hair style, new clothes, new music, things like that.

Also, start approaching women. You don't have to ask them out, but start making conversation with them so you get used to interacting with them again. If you have problems interacting with strange women, then make a goal of interacting with strangers regardless of age or sex.

Good luck

 

[sazc]

Agreed with Desdinova, Take some time to chill, until you feel stable with who you are & how this all fell out.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

We certainly could use some more information about your specific situation, but there's always some things that apply no matter the case:
1) No Contact. The sooner you hit a long period of time without exposing yourself to her, the sooner you will get her out of your system.
2) SocialCircle. You want to be out a lot, specially in the beginning, so get out with your friends, or make new ones to be out your house.
3) Getting in touch with nature. Long walks through a forest, by the river side, some hiking. That made, an still makes when I feel low for whatever reason, wonders for me.
4) Getting in touch with your body. Go to the gym, or practice any sport you like.
5) Exposing yourself to new things. Buy some tech you'd like, buy some new clothes, go to a museum, go to concerts. Expose yourself.
6) Get new pvssy. I put it the last because, at least for me, it can be difficult to start fvcking again after a hard breakup, but it is definitly a kind of "fvck you byatch" that makes the pain smaller.

 

[Julian]

its gonna hurt for awhile. let yourself feel the pain, embrace the butthurt an let loose some beta tears. in the mean time stay lifting heavy an stack $$, spend time with friends and new girls. good luck. u will feel better in a couple months

 

[Spinach]

As much as it sucks own the fact that this too shall pass. If you believe that life goes on even though the memories will remain it gives you more power to keep putting one foot in front of the other. The other advice is also spot on, keep busy, find a new woman, and go no contact without exception....especially stay off of social media as it will just eat you alive to know when she moves on. Don't ask how I know this.....Good luck.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

I will give some advice that everyone will disagree with.

Don't TRY to meet women. You will come across as a desperate loser.

Meet people, some of whom are women. Go out, have fun. Get a haircut and buy some new clothes. If you are loving your life again you will meet women. (tip: they're everywhere.)

 

[Poon King]

Spin plates.

Most important of all: Don't take it personally and don't try to win her back in any way shape or form.

Women dump men because their priorities change OR because the man is not (or cannot) provide her with something she wants or expects. As long as you got what you wanted while you were with her.. you won the game. Now its time to keep winning with fresh meat. You now have an opportunity to experience newer better things. Embrace it.

 

[Raiker]

Hey guys thanks for all the great advice. It's been a tough couple of days. Guess for some more information, we had been together for several years and she blindsided me with the break up. I immediately deleted her number blocked her on FB and deleted her pictures off my phone. I think no contact will hold because I honestly see no benefit in reaching out to her. I had a lot of trouble coming to terms with our break up the last week and realized I was sorta in denial. I'm starting to come to terms with it now though. I realized that i still loved this girl or at least who she was. Who she is now though, As ****ty as it is, is not worth missing

 

[Roober]

I would say the first couple days are fairly easy because you know it, but you are still in denial. For me, it seems like days 4-10 will be the most difficult as you hold onto that last bit of hope.

 

[Raiker]

I would say the first couple days are fairly easy because you know it, but you are still in denial. For me, it seems like days 4-10 will be the most difficult as you hold onto that last bit of hope.

That is what I'm afraid of. I think it'll be awhile before I can fully squash that hope. Logically, it all makes sense how final the break up was but fully accepting that is going to take me some time

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

There is no going back.... Ever.

It is ok to love. Loving someone and being loved are the best feelings in the world.
Letting your desire for love destroy who you are out of fear of losing it is the worst thing you can do to yourself. You will still lose the love but you will lose your self-esteem and pride as well.

People want love. There will be other women who will love you IF you are a man that is strong enough to be loved without changing to make them happy.

Live, laugh, love (in that order).

 

[Juanto]

For me, what works best is IMMEDIATELY starting having plates to spin after a breakup. It may go against some of the cliche guidelines of a post break recovery (soul searching and all that) but dating and phucking other girls definately helps me getting over a breakup

 

[btownbuck2012]

Spin plates.

Most important of all: Don't take it personally and don't try to win her back in any way shape or form.

Women dump men because their priorities change OR because the man is not (or cannot) provide her with something she wants or expects. As long as you got what you wanted while you were with her.. you won the game. Now its time to keep winning with fresh meat. You now have an opportunity to experience newer better things. Embrace it.

Can you elaborate a bit on not taking this type of thing personally? I still struggle with this when women lose interest and eventually disappear even when you're holding a pretty solid frame. What other factors are in play here that would make it easier to understand why not taking this personally is beneficial?

Thanks.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Can you elaborate a bit on not taking this type of thing personally? I still struggle with this when women lose interest and eventually disappear even when you're holding a pretty solid frame. What other factors are in play here that would make it easier to understand why not taking this personally is beneficial?

Thanks.

Because if you take it personally it becomes about what you did not what she did.

 

[Poon King]

Can you elaborate a bit on not taking this type of thing personally? I still struggle with this when women lose interest and eventually disappear even when you're holding a pretty solid frame. What other factors are in play here that would make it easier to understand why not taking this personally is beneficial?

Thanks.

How do you benefit from taking it personally? What makes the opinion of one dumb b!tch so important? Why do you value her more than yourself? Why do you value her opinions more than your own? These are the eye opening questions you have to ask yourself.

Its very hard to lose the scarcity mindset that you currently have until you start spinning plates.

 

[Floydispink01]

Don't underestimate the power of your ego. I've applied NC in the past solely to win back a girl.

I've also assumed that an ex has acted in certain ways to regain my interest.

These thoughts are completely futile and a waste of your short stay on this earth.

She's moved on. Accept it.

The quicker you accept it, the quicker you will be rewarded.

Good luck dude.

 

[Raiker]

All great advice guys, really appreciate it. I'm currently focusing on the mental aspect of the break up: accepting it's over, controlling my thoughts to something more productive etc. I won't lie, during the relationship I did look at other girls and let my imagination wonder. Guess it's my shot now

 

[Raiker]

Last time, I walked around in a bit of a daze for about two weeks.

I approached 2 women randomly one day in the street. I'll never forget that I got a good reaction from a Polish brunette with beautiful brown eyes. She had a 'boyfriend' (lol). I didn't care. I was onwards and upwards from there. I felt great.

Learn to approach. And then, try to gain the confidence to approach.

You need to undestand that this woman was a ball and chain around your ankle. She was dragging you down. She had the cheek to relinquish herself, because you weren't man enough to get rid of her (no offense - just stating a fact).

You should now enjoy your freedom. Not get loved up on one piece of arse.

Go "no-contact", if you need to protect your ego. But, if you approach and act according to your male sexuality, you will soon be drawn elsewhere.

The problem is that you weren't playing to your strategy to begin with. This bird lured you into a silly situation. You were being lazy or fearful. Time to stop being lazy or fearful, mate.

I've been in sort of a daze the last couple of days as well, definitely hurting my studies. Right now however, I am actually focusing and getting some work done. Small step but much much better than just sitting there thinking about her like I did the last couple day

 

[Roober]

There is the honesty that is necessary for you to really move on.

Trust me. Learn to approach. I will give you some links, and advice, if necessary.

Approach a few women, and get just one decent response. It will be a game changer. That is your natural masuclinity, that you have been ignoring whilst being tied to this wench.

I put £10 on it. You will feel like a new man. You just need an abundance mindset.

Would you say that is basically how women function after a breakup? IF attractive, they have guys in their phone already to call, or they can just go out a couple days and voila... have 20 guys chasing them...