Post-Breakup: What do you call this?

[Zeph]

Six months ago, I was dating a woman for a little more than a year. She was totally in love with me, and I'll admit that I liked her quite a bit too. There was a point where I wanted to start dating other women, and just being around her got on my nerves. I waited for a couple weeks after our "first anniversary" (because she had the fantasy of celebrating an anniversary), then I broke up with her to move to a different city. At first, she called me for some time, and I told her to find herself a BF.

One day she did, and I felt really strange. It's kind of like a loss, even though I am the one who broke it off. Note: The chick action in this city sucks. There are tonnes of them, some are good looking, but they are mostly all boring, uneducated and flat-out uninteresting. I get to pick the prettiest chimp in the zoo, because the human women are all elsewhere.

I'm not trying to get her back. I still love her as a person, and I'm happy she has found someone she might like. But I feel kind of odd inside. It's kind of like "Did I make a mistake?" I mentally know that I did the right thing, but in this context I have this "What did I do?!" emotional response.

I'm wondering if anyone has had this sort of experience. What do you name that feeling? What useful responses have you made in this sort of situation? I'm looking for a menu of choices to pick from.

 

[Skel]

"What do you call this? "

Being a jackass?

 

[Zeph]

Originally posted by Skel
"What do you call this? "

Being a jackass?

This kind of response is not useful.

 

[Skel]

Ok let me take another stab at it.. You dont want to be with your ex but you dont want anyone else to be with your ex either. You want to be happy but you dont want her to be happy if it isnt with you.

Now you can go back to my original reply and re-read.

 

[Zeph]

Originally posted by Skel
Ok let me take another stab at it.. You dont want to be with your ex but you dont want anyone else to be with your ex either. You want to be happy but you dont want her to be happy if it isnt with you.

Now you can go back to my original reply and re-read.

No, either you've mis-read, or I wasn't clear.

I broke up with her. It was a good decision. Love her as a person, don't want to be her "boyfriend".

She's got a guy that she likes, I'm happy for her. I want her to be with whomever she wants, being with me would be a waste of her time. I'm cool that she's with someone else.

I've been an AFC most of my life. For the last 2 years I've been getting some game. With that game comes experiences that I've never had, and along with those experiences, new feelings and emotions.

I feel a twinge of something that I am unable to identify, and was wondering if anyone could help identify what that might be.

I was thinking that it might be jealousy, but since I don't feel posessive about her, I think it's unlikely. I'm just looking for some ideas as to what some common responses might be. Maybe one fits me.

It's not about the woman, or the relationship, but about being clear on who I am, and what my experience is.

 

[Movin on up]

I think that "feeling" might be an oncoming bowel movement or something.

Or. I've been there, and this is how I think of it as. Remember when you were a younger kid, and you had a boat load of toys..all kinds... And there were some that you didnt play with for a while (Girl). One day someone starts playing with said toy (girl). And you think "Hey that was my toy (Girl), and even though its old and I dont play with it anymore. It was still MINE.(Attachment)". Even though you have new and better toys, the old ones still have a place in your heart.

You say you love her as a person. But that "twinge" could be that gut feeling saying, well I f'ed that one up.

But with me it was just a hit of jealousy. I remember saying the same "I want her to be happy" but when she really was, I just wasn't as happy as I should have been for her.

Either way. The twinge is there. And youll just have to wait for it to go away on its own when you are comfortable with the "Sitch"

 

[Zeph]

Originally posted by Movin on up
Or. I've been there, and this is how I think of it as. Remember when you were a younger kid, and you had a boat load of toys..all kinds... And there were some that you didnt play with for a while (Girl). One day someone starts playing with said toy (girl). And you think "Hey that was my toy (Girl), and even though its old and I dont play with it anymore. It was still MINE.(Attachment)". Even though you have new and better toys, the old ones still have a place in your heart.

Yeah! That's the one right there. I guess that what it is, is that I miss the feeling of someone being attached to me, accompanied by a feeling of loss similar to when you revisit your long lost home, and see that the world has changed. It's a bit like "Ok, this era has really passed, now." I think it's something like nostalgia.

The feeling wasn't a problem with me, I just wanted to identify it; it had been bugging me ever since I woke up from a strange dream. Guess that didn't take long.

Thanks for the pointer.