Post breakup, I'm feeling devastated right now

[vlf445]

I'm the one who broke up with her. In the end, my interest level was a lot lower than hers was. She wanted to spend every waking minute with me, and I couldn't handle it. But, after the breakup, it's like my mind can only focus on all the great things about her. All of the amazing experiences we shared, laughs we had, etc. It's like some weird psychological phenomenon that is making me forget why I did this in the first place.

I know I don't want to go back to the relationship, but it's also gonna be really fukking hard without her in my life. Part of me is realizing that I will likely never have a girl who cares for me as much as she did. It's weird...I've never been in the position that I have had someone like me too much, it's usually the other way around. And what is tearing me up most about it is knowing how much I hurt her. It's strange. . .my instinct is to go and comfort her. I have a short letter typed out that I'm tempted to send to her but I don't really think that would be appropriate. This whole situation just sucks. Sorry for the rambling post, I just needed to vent some of this sh!t going on inside my head.

 

[Rebound Material]

Sorry if this sounds cliché but...Keep your head up boy. You'll be fine.

 

[Huffman]

I did this to my first girlfriend, for the same reasons, and was absolutely devastated.

One year later she texts me: "hey omg i met this super cute guy and we're getting married!!!" I saw her again, she looked revolting. By the way, he was a janitor. Boy never was I so proud of my decisions as on this day

P.S. sorry if any of you is a janitor.

 

[jacob]

I did this to my first girlfriend, for the same reasons, and was absolutely devastated.

One year later she texts me: "hey omg i met this super cute guy and we're getting married!!!" I saw her again, she looked revolting. By the way, he was a janitor. Boy never was I so proud of my decisions as on this day

P.S. sorry if any of you is a janitor.

It just goes to prove you don't have to be rich, with high status to be a Don Juan.

This guy is a garbage man, and I'm sure with his skills he could make a lot of females fall for him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYPTS_39I8g

 

[Johnny Danger]

Re: Breakup

Hi Jacob,

If her interest was truly higher than your own and you just dumped her, then she's probably more devastated than you are.

I'm assuming you don't want her back. (and usually with a breakup, there's a reason, and getting back together would normally result in the same reason leading to another breakup)

I think it would be easier to be helpful if I knew how old you were. But in general, it sounds like you were just looking to vent a little and for a show of support. Hope things cheer up for you soon. You're single now btw, keep strong and a new opportunity will present itself soon...

JD

 

[Huffman]

It just goes to prove you don't have to be rich, with high status to be a Don Juan.

This guy is a garbage man, and I'm sure with his skills he could make a lot of females fall for him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYPTS_39I8g

Come on. Of course you can be an awesome janitor too. But this guy wasn't, at least from what I saw.

 

[btownbuck2012]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8slB-mYCPw


Chicken soup for the broham

 

[Gdupm6]

Great scene, i have this movie.

 

[st_99]

my instinct is to go and comfort her. .

Don't worry about that, she will be banging other guys sooner rather
than later. In an ironic twist YOU will be the one that needs comforting. :yes:

 

[Racecar]

VLF,

I was in the EXACT same position my freshman year in college. I'm going to tell you precisely what will happen and where you need to go from here.

First, you will feel AWFUL for breaking up with her. It's gonna hurt and if you're anything like me, it's gonna hurt for months. Let's cut the bravado; I cried after losing my girlfriend back then and if you need to, there's nothing wrong with doing the same.

Every girl you meet will be judged in the light of this girl. This wouldn't be terrible except you've already begun IDEALIZING her. Remember the relationship and the girl for what they were - good AND bad.

If you are anything like I was back then, you will be tempted on MULTIPLE occasions to go back to her. I didn't have this site back then, so I called her, wrote her poems, letters and bought her flowers.

:nono: Don't do that. PLEASE don't do that. :nono:

Aside from coming off as a desperate loser, it won't work. Why not? Because women are proud creatures. How can she justify the thought of "taking you back" to her friends when YOU were the one who dumped HER?

The most important thing to think about is the reason you broke up with her in the first place. Maybe she made you uncomfortable or maybe you just wanted to see the what the world has to offer. Either way, you made the decision and you have to live with it.

So! Use this time to improve yourself and develop a strong masculine identity. Develop your interests. Try new things. Meet new people. It sounds silly to say, but watch a porno or two. You need to get it through your head that there are beautiful, interesting women in the world and it is up to you to SELECT which one you want.

Everything happens for a reason.

Remember, if one girl can love you, 500 girls can love you for the exact same reason.

Keep your head up buddy! Make sure to take away important lessons from this experience and move on as soon as you're ready. Focus on YOU. Your career/school life is actually more important than the girl anyway, so turn that negative energy into fuel for your FUTURE. :yes:

 

[DonGorgon]

you should have kept her around while you found and Fed her replacement.. thats what women do to us all the time,,

 

[pdx1138]

you should have kept her around while you found and Fed her replacement.. thats what women do to us all the time,,

I had intended to do that with my last break up.

It got to the point where I was so sick and tired of her games, I couldn't stand it any longer.
At the time, I had the frame, also there was a prime opportunity to "shame her" for what she did so I took it.

Part of me wishes I'd stuck to it, but in the end I know I did the right thing.

She was fishing for a replacement and I wanted to break it with her first.

 

[vlf445]

you should have kept her around while you found and Fed her replacement.. thats what women do to us all the time,,

That's what SOME women do, as well as what SOME men do. I'm not looking down on what choice you would have made, but that's just something I couldn't do. Significant others aren't just there for your sake. They have needs and wants...they're human too.

 

[vlf445]

VLF,

I was in the EXACT same position my freshman year in college. I'm going to tell you precisely what will happen and where you need to go from here.

First, you will feel AWFUL for breaking up with her. It's gonna hurt and if you're anything like me, it's gonna hurt for months. Let's cut the bravado; I cried after losing my girlfriend back then and if you need to, there's nothing wrong with doing the same.

Every girl you meet will be judged in the light of this girl. This wouldn't be terrible except you've already begun IDEALIZING her. Remember the relationship and the girl for what they were - good AND bad.

If you are anything like I was back then, you will be tempted on MULTIPLE occasions to go back to her. I didn't have this site back then, so I called her, wrote her poems, letters and bought her flowers.

:nono: Don't do that. PLEASE don't do that. :nono:

Aside from coming off as a desperate loser, it won't work. Why not? Because women are proud creatures. How can she justify the thought of "taking you back" to her friends when YOU were the one who dumped HER?

The most important thing to think about is the reason you broke up with her in the first place. Maybe she made you uncomfortable or maybe you just wanted to see the what the world has to offer. Either way, you made the decision and you have to live with it.

So! Use this time to improve yourself and develop a strong masculine identity. Develop your interests. Try new things. Meet new people. It sounds silly to say, but watch a porno or two. You need to get it through your head that there are beautiful, interesting women in the world and it is up to you to SELECT which one you want.

Everything happens for a reason.

Remember, if one girl can love you, 500 girls can love you for the exact same reason.

Keep your head up buddy! Make sure to take away important lessons from this experience and move on as soon as you're ready. Focus on YOU. Your career/school life is actually more important than the girl anyway, so turn that negative energy into fuel for your FUTURE. :yes:

Thanks man, I appreciate this a lot. What made me come to this site just now was that I was considering going back to her. . .I had some ambivalence about breaking it off in the first place because she was more than I could have asked for in so many ways. Completely loyal, trusting, like minded, curious about the world, and she cared for me far more than anyone else has in my life. I absolutely fukking hate not having that around, and will miss it dearly. It hurts like hell knowing that's no longer in my life.

But I won't miss the 0 minutes of time a day to myself, the constant need for public affection, all of the future talk about getting married and having kids, and the other little things that ate away at me day by day.

It's not hard for me to remember all of the bad, but my problem is I question whether most of it was really that bad, or if I was just being a d!ckhead. Like, why was it so terrible for me to have to hold her hand when walked together? Or when she acted in ways I disliked socially, was it really her just trying new ways to reach out to other people because we were both a little awkward socially? It's this part that's really eating me up, and making me want to go back to her with a new attitude towards all of it.

 

[Desdinova]

But I won't miss the 0 minutes of time a day to myself, the constant need for public affection, all of the future talk about getting married and having kids, and the other little things that ate away at me day by day.

I was in a situation like yours about a month ago. This girl treated me pretty damn good. But the talk about marriage, kids, and moving in together made me decide that it really wasn't right for me. Add to the fact that she wasn't really 'in shape' when we started dating and she got fatter over the 9 months we were together.

It took me a couple days to move on. I went out of town on business and didn't have ANY time to think about how much I missed her. I started dating a real hottie and have bagged myself a fvck buddy on the side too. Do I miss her now? No.

It takes a bit of time to get over a woman, but it also takes effort. You need to push yourself to move ahead with your new life. Sitting around crying about dumping her desperate ass won't help you move on. You have to put yourself out there and kick your ass toward your future.

Welcome to your new life.

 

[ACE2012]

Man...do you know how rare it is in today's world to find a woman who is honest, faithful, loyal, trusting, all about you, etc? It's fcuking hard! I would be on your side if she was like two timing you or some crazy sh!t like that, but to me, from what you described, she's wifey material. That in life is what most men aim for, a woman who will stand by his side and accept him for who is and will do her best to please her man and to keep the relationship strong.

I understand that she was crowding your space and everything but the reality of the situation is that you guys are in a relationship and that you should be spending as much quality time together as you can. What you could've done is just simply explained to her that you just need a little "me" time every now and then you know? It's understandable that everyone needs breathing room, but if she isn't aware of that, then how can she give it to you?

Of course, there are a million other women out there and all that jazz, but this woman you had right here, is a rare thing...very rare. In my opinion, I think you should just go and explain your feelings to her man. It's clear that she loves you for who you are and everything. What can be better than that?

 

[vlf445]

Those last 2 posts are like the two sides of my mind that have been battling since I broke it off. . .

 

[maverick72]

....

 

[perseverance]

OP, I think the reason you feel the way you do is you care about this girl and you've realised you've thrown away something good and someone good. You might not regret it now, but you probably will somewhere along the line.